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“Did you sleep?” I asked, scratching his beard and loving the texture of it against my fingers. I couldn’t believe he was here. I couldn’t believe I was in his arms. I had been so sure I would—
“A little.” Kael turned and kissed my palm, cradling the back of my hand with his.
“You should lie down,” I advised, starting to get off his lap.
His arm tightened around my hips, sucking me down into his body like the restraining bar on a roller coaster. “Are you uncomfortable?”
“No,” I said quickly. “No, you’re very… comfortable.” I need you. I think I might drown in fear if you leave me.
“Then stay,” he murmured, and he guided my head back down to lay on his shoulder. I adjusted, snuggling more comfortably into him, and then his heartbeat was beneath my palm. He had on a black, breathable shirt that looked partially athletic and partially tactical. It had long sleeves and hard padding along the outer parts of his arms, but I didn’t mind molding myself around them.
I traced a webbed pattern on the shirt with my finger. “Kael… aren’t you going to get in trouble for all this?”
“For what?”
Oh, I don’t know, execution-style murder, maybe? “Everything?” I clarified unhelpfully.
“I’ve done this a few times,” he replied, his voice lilting with some amusement. “We have a system for cleanup. Don’t work yourself into knots about it.”
“Is that why you left Tab behind?”
“Yes, and before you get after me for that, it’s her job. She’s fine,” he rumbled. I liked the way his voice sounded with my ear pressed close to his neck where it thrummed through me.
“You should pay her more.”
“I pay her plenty,” he drawled, but I heard the smile in his voice. He paused for a moment, and then both his arms wrapped around me in a warm bear hug. “Mattie, I… I’ve never had to worry about someone else after I finished a job.”
I chewed on his words, trying to digest his meaning. “You mean, you’ve never had someone there when you did your… stuff?”
“I’ve never shot someone in front of a person I loved.”
I sat up suddenly, and my hair fell around us in a curtain as I tilted my eyes down to meet his. “Pardon?”
Kael’s gaze strayed in thought as his left hand began to massage up my back in idle circles. “I hadn’t really considered what it would be like to have someone I really cared about witness me end someone else’s life.” He stared at me again in concern. “I usually like it when people are afraid of me. I’m not sure I like it as much right now.”
“No, back up.” I tapped his chest with my finger. “Love?”
The micro-expressions on his face were priceless. Incredulous amusement rippled into sympathy, and then hardened into confident bemusement. “Why, out of all the things I just said, are you surprised about my love for you?”
My heart strummed a full, harmonic chord of joy. “Your love for me?”
He clicked his tongue. “Yes, I love you, Mattie. However dangerous for my health, it’s the truth.”
“Dangerous?” I repeated incredulously. “Excuse me, but it’s not like I’m going to have brain-scooping maniacs hunting me down my entire life.”
Kael sat up, shifting us again, and he took my face tenderly between his hands, avoiding the worst of the throbbing bruises. “The maniac bit isn’t dangerous. I’m talking more about the constant heart attacks you give me. I need to get an EKG when we get back home.”
I huffed out a laugh and squished his cheeks together between my hands. “I am not that bad.”
“Yesh you are,” he said between smashed cheeks.
I released his face, smoothing my thumbs over his prickly jaw. “But you love me anyway?”
“Desperately,” he replied seriously. His eyes volleyed between mine, the blue of his irises barely visible in the darkness. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I had the sudden, intrusive worry that maybe Jonathon had succeeded after all, and that none of this was real. That he’d given me a lobotomy, and it had gone horribly wrong, and I’d retreated inside my own fantasies.
Kael leaned forward, pressing his lips carefully to mine. “You’re safe, Mattie. I’m right here.”
