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“Kael,” I growled, struggling.
“Keep me posted. Thanks.” Kael hung up and slid his phone into his back pocket. “What were you saying? Sorry. Rude of me.”
“Kael,” I grunted, fighting and chaffing my wrists against his hold on me. “You’re hurting me.”
“Then relax,” he murmured, bringing his right arm around to tuck me into a bear hug from behind. “Relax, Mattie. I have you.”
I didn’t have many choices. I forced my muscles to loosen in his hold, and it went from uncomfortable restraint to comforting embrace. “Kael,” I repeated more evenly. “You’re doing fine so far, and I’m not in any actual danger here. My parents need me alive, anyway.”
“Why?” he asked. His voice reverberated from his chest and into my back, and it was like holding a purring cat.
“Because I’m their daughter… obviously,” I muttered.
“That’s not how you said that,” he argued. “You said it like they needed you for something transactional.”
Ope. Too close. “They already told you—the people they deal with are family-minded. You told me to relax. I did. Now, it’s your turn. You need to chill, Kael. Everything is fine here.”
Kael bent his face next to mine, pressing his jaw to mine and tickling my sensitive skin with his five-o-clock shadow. “I tried to teach you to lie,” he hummed, low and soft. “You should have listened.”
I closed my eyes, letting out a sound of disgust. My teeth worked my bottom lip, chewing nervously while I thought through my options. I could do what he had suggested. I could go with him and disappear again. But…
“I can’t keep running,” I admitted softly. I leaned back against him, and tears gathered under my lashes. I swallowed a ball of emotion in my throat. Being honest might kill me, but running away again would destroy me. “I don’t want to be here any more than you do, but the other option is worse. I can’t live like that anymore.”
His thumb caressed my arm idly. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I’m—” I paused, my throat working. I hated crying. It gave me a headache. “I was scared, Kael,” I whispered harshly. “Every day. I couldn’t sleep. I barely ate. I had nightmares and panic attacks. No matter where I went or how clever I thought I was, my parents have limitless resources. I knew they would find me. And the fear of my inevitable fate tortured me every day.”
“So, all this time you’ve been laughing in my face and teasing me, I had you terrified to the point of panic attacks?” Kael sounded faintly horrified.
I closed my eyes. “You were just doing your job, Kael. I didn’t hold it against you personally. Not really.”
Kael rotated me in his arms until his hands locked at the small of my back and he had me fitted firmly to the length of him. “I’m on your side now, you know that, right?”
I sniffed, blinking away the moisture hanging onto my lower lashes. “I know you are, but you’re not listening to me.”
“Just because you aren’t getting your way,” he pointed out dryly, “doesn’t mean I’m not listening to you.”
“I can’t run, Kael,” I repeated, holding his light blue eyes that bounced between mine searchingly. “It’ll haunt me for the rest of my life. And I don’t think they’ll take it well. They might give up… but what if they don’t? Their resources don’t have an end. They’ll just hire someone worse than you. More cutthroat. You want me to live my life like that?”
Kael looked away, sighing. “It would help if you told me what you’re keeping from me.”
“Look at me, Kael.” I bunched his shirt in my fists and tugged. “It’s not relevant. I promise. Whatever you think I’m keeping from you, it’s mine to keep. It’s something from my past, and it doesn’t have anything to do with you doing your job.”
His jaw ticked. “If you stay, you’re going to regret it.”
“I won’t,” I insisted. It was a lie. I had a sinking feeling he was right.
“Your parents are going to hear about this ‘stunt’ we staged,” he went on, gesturing out wide with his arm toward the door, “and they’re going to want to know for sure that I have a handle on you. The guards think you ran from me, and it won’t look good for us. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I hear you,” I shot back, my voice fierce but my insides writhing in agony. “That’s why you gave me a safe word, isn’t it? It wasn’t for closet fucks. It was so I could show you that I can take what you dish out. I will see this through. Do your worst, Kael. Be an abusive asshole if you need to, but see this through. Please. It’s the only way I can live and be truly free without looking over my shoulder every three seconds.”
He looked away again, scrubbing a hand across his mouth. The silver rings on his fingers glinted in the gold light overhead, and he looked every inch the pirate with his top two buttons undone, hair a disheveled mess, and expression harder than steel. He returned his gaze to me, finally. His scowl nearly made my resolve wither. “Why don’t you trust me?”
If he’d backhanded me, I would have been less surprised. The last thing I expected from the enigmatic, quietly terrifying Ghost was a vulnerable question. I drew back, blinking. “I… do.”
“No, you don’t,” he argued softly, angling his face. “You don’t trust anyone, Mattie. And it’s going to get you hurt.”
I lifted my chin. “I can’t get hurt if I don’t trust in the first place.”
