Page 6 of Son of a Preacher Man
“You’ll always be my little one.”
Leaving her was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. Few would understand it, but what was left of his heart shattered that day. And he’d been trying to glue the shards back together ever since.
Six months in Cali.
Another three in Anchorage.
The second hardest thing he’d done was to come back. But she’d asked him to. And Kodiak made a promise he intended to keep. He would die for his sister. Linnea was the only good thing he ever had.
Halfway into his fourth mile, the sweat began to break on his skin. He picked up the pace, going faster, pushing himself harder. Running always helped to clear his head. Kept him sane. Well, as sane as any man who’d lived his life could be.
His running habit started in basic training. Red Phase. Fort Sill, Oklahoma. Covered in sweat, dust caked to his skin, the endorphins would kick in, washing the bad shit away. Nothing remained, except a sense of peace. Calm. So, rain or shine, Kodiak ran, chasing after that feeling every single day.
Five miles, an hour of lifting, and a shower later, he was at his sister’s doorstep. He didn’t bother knocking and went right in. Setting his backpack on the table, Kodiak glanced around the room. Sunlight filtered through closed curtains, the house quiet and still, Linnea asleep on her turquoise sofa.
He stood there, watching her for a moment as she slept. She looked so small and delicate, like a porcelain doll on a nest of spun cotton, holding onto her pillow, tucked up tight in a fluffy white blanket.
Eyes twitching beneath closed lids, she whimpered. “Kyan?”
“It’s me, little one.” Taking her hand in his, Kodiak sat beside her. He kissed her forehead. “I’m here.”
“I was dreaming, I think.” Arms came around him, clutching his chest to hers. “Sometimes they seem so real.”
“I know.” Pulling away, he swept the hair back from her face.
Tears seeping from the corners, light green eyes, the same color as his own, looked up at him. “I didn’t feel anything when my grandmother died. Nothing at all.”
God, he should have been there for her then, but Jarrid didn’t get word to him about Catherine’s passing until it was too late to get leave. When he came home a month later, Linnea was gone. And to this day, Kodiak still regretted it.
“Do you have any regrets?”
Shut up, Babs.
He had so many.
She licked her lips. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“No one does.” Pulling her up to sit, Kodiak gathered Linnea in his arms and stroked her hair.
“How did you do it?” She laid her head on his shoulder. “How do you get over it?”
With thoughts of the one person he’d loved and lost, his chest tightened.
“You don’t.” Her sweet almond fragrance enveloping him, he kissed her hair. “And you’re not supposed to. It hurts right now, but love never dies, it becomes a part of you.”
A strangled sob broke free.
Kodiak just held her, his palm gently cradling Charlotte in her tummy. “You’re carrying Kyan’s love right here.” Then he placed his hand over Linnea’s heart. “And right here is where it will always stay, safe inside you forever.”
Chloe and Dillon arrived. Kodiak stayed until he couldn’t take watching her heart bleed another minute. It tore him up that he was powerless to fix it. So, he went home, and wrote up his report for the cheater’s wife, before coming out here to dig in the dirt.
Plunging the trowel into the damp earth, he dug the weeds out of the backyard flower beds his sister cajoled him into putting in. After the rain yesterday, fall was in the air. He could smell it. If he attacked the nuisance plants now, before they went to seed to lie in wait beneath the winter snow, there’d be less of them to deal with come spring.
Truth be told, it gave him something productive to do. Idle hands and all that. Couldn’t keep his mind from wandering, though.
It was out of his way, but Kodiak contemplated stopping in at Beanie’s after he left Linnea. Actually, he almost did. Almost. But he didn’t.
See, he could use a friend. Someone to talk to who wasn’t drowning in sorrow. Someone to spend his time with. Someone who knew how he took his coffee and that snickerdoodles were his favorite. Someone who could make him feel something other than fucked up.
