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Neither one of them spoke. The silence between them stretched for too long. Jesse knew what had to be said. He took a breath.
“I know you’re in love with Linnea.”
He nodded. “Yeah, well, I fucked up. I made her my best friend when what I really wanted was to make her more. I waited too long.” He looked down at the floor and shrugged. “Now she loves my brother and he loves her. I won’t come between that. Ever.”
Dillon finally glanced up at him. He’d never seen him look so dejected.
“I’d say she loves you too.”
He only nodded. His eyes were glassy, but Jesse knew Dillon, and he would hold it in. He’d never seen Dillon cry. Not once. Not when they were kids and he skinned his knee or when he fell out of a tree and broke his arm. Even at his mother’s funeral he held it in, and he was only ten years old when she died. He and Kyan had barely been consolable. Jesse remembered how they held onto each other, sobbing, as they lowered her casket into the ground. Brendan and Dillon had always been the stoic ones.
“I wish I could have something like what you and Tay and Chloe do.”
“You can.” Jesse put his hand on his cousin’s shoulder. “If it’s what you all want, you can.”
“I don’t think so.” Dillon shook his head. “It would eat me up inside.” He pounded on his chest with his fist. “It already is.”
“That’s jealousy, brother, and there’s no place for that in a poly relationship.”
“How do you deal with it? What if Chloe loves Tay more than she loves you?”
“That just isn’t possible,” he answered.
“You sound full of yourself, Jess,” he snickered.
“I’m not. How can I put this?” He thought for a moment. “Tay can’t be better than me at being me. I can’t be better than Tay at being Tay. I know Chloe loves me and I know she loves Taylor. Do you get me?”
He shook his head.
“Look, there’s a fruit story in this book Chloe got, but I can’t remember how it goes. Something about apples and oranges and fruit salad. Or was it bananas? It doesn’t matter.” He took a breath. “Jealousy is just insecurity manifesting itself, Dill. With a lot of love, patience, and reassurance I think we’ve worked through most of that. You can too.”
“It’s different for the three of you.”
“Why? Because me and Tay are bi?”
Dillon got up from the stool and went to the refrigerator. He opened a couple bottles of beer and handed him one. “Yeah, Jess, that’s exactly why. Don’t you see? The three of you are equal thirds in your relationship—you share each other, not just her. You connect like a triangle, and that’s beautiful—I’m so, so happy for you, man. I really am.”
“Lots of straight people are in…”
“No, Jess.” He swallowed a long pull of beer straight from the bottle. “My brother and I would be sharing a girl like we did at the club and I just can’t do that with her—I love her too much.”
Jesse was fairly certain they already had shared her and it was messing with Dillon’s head.
“I’m sorry, Dill.”
“She makes me weak, Jess.”
“Maybe it’s time to go back to your apartment now, yeah? Kodiak is in Cali. Kyan is here. Get some clarity for yourself.”
He rubbed his hand over his face. “I should, but I can’t.”
Taylor walked into the kitchen then and Jesse was glad, because he didn’t know what else to say. There was nothing else he could say, nothing that would make it easier for Dillon anyway.
What a fucking mess.
“You ready to go, Jess? Chloe’s not feeling well.”
“Is she okay?”
