Page 64 of Left on Read
Whatever this was would be purely physical. I didn’t have a problem with that.
“Oh,” I said again in reply, not to obey, but because I didn’t know what else to say. “So, you hate women?”
“No, not at all. I just don’t trust you fuckers,” he grinned, an apology in the laugh somewhere.
“I don’t blame you. I don’t trust anyone.” I smiled back, but it was empty. I’d made my bed a long time ago, done things I shouldn’t have to those that tried to help me, and I’d learned from my own example more than anything anyone had ever done to me. “Except Ginger, I trust her.”
“Good. Trust is made to be broken. Don’t let yourself be broken, Tara.”
“Too late for that,” I said without thinking, my eyes somewhere on the wall across from us. I didn’t mean to reveal anything about myself, but knew I had.
“I see,” he said, mimicking my words from earlier.
“Yeah, let’s not get into it, our sandwiches are on the way,” I said, glad for the interruption as Tommy came back with two plates filled with sandwiches, fries, and a pickle spear.
“Not right now, no.” Johnny still had his hand on my thigh, and he didn’t move it as Tommy came to the table. His thumb stroked at the tender skin of my inner thigh, as if it was an absentminded touch, not something I should pay attention to.
But I couldn’t concentrate with his hand so close to that place. A place that nobody else had touched since I’d been potty trained. A place I really, really wanted Johnny to touch. I shouldn’t want it, but I did. I’d accepted that last night, finally. Now, I had to find a way to do it on my own terms. And he had to earn the right to touch me there.
“You can do whatever you like with me, Johnny,” I said once we’d finished our food and the plates were gone, drawing his eyes to my face. “You just have to earn it.”
“And how do I earn it, Tara?” he asked softly, watching my face.
“By showing me how much you want it,” was my simple reply.
If he was any other man, I’d have wilted under his stare, I’d have scurried off before it ever got this far, actually. I had as much use for men as he had for women. But…Johnny was different. Breathtaking, handsome, exciting. Dangerous. In far more ways than one, as I was already finding out.
I was daring him to touch me here, with an unknowing audience. I wanted it more than I’d wanted anything. Whether it was warped or not, to want such a thing, didn’t matter. I’d denied myself enough lately. Johnny was a treat I couldn’t resist, with a draw more powerful than any drug I’d ever put in my body.
Which might make him even more dangerous than I thought.
That didn’t stop me from sitting back so he could have access to any part of me he wanted. This might be a moment of madness that I’d never repeat, but just this once, I wanted Johnny, and I wanted him dearly.
