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Fine, maybe it isn’t, but I’m really trying to stop myself from imagining kicking Devin in the shin right now. My core burns as I push myself to give into his demands and push my body just a little bit more.
“I hate you,” I grit out through my teeth.
Devin throws his head back and laughs, not giving a single fuck that I’m imagining painful ways to torture him. I’m the kind of woman who always carries tweezers. I’m fairly sure he would not like all of his body hair removed one follicle at a time.
“Come on, sunshine,” he grins at me, and I roll my eyes at him as I finally finish with my PT for the day, not counting the cool-down stretches. When I flop backwards, he’s right there staring down at me with laughter in his damn eyes. “I knew you could do it.”
I flip him off and wave my hand dismissively, “Yeah, yeah.”
He won’t give me more than two minutes to rest before he has me up and stretching, but that’s always my favorite part of our sessions because then I’m done, and I can go home. Well, I can go to where I’m currently living. It’s not my home; not really.
When I was ready to be discharged from the hospital after being shot and rushed into surgery, I was expecting Wrenley to pick me up and take me home. Instead, Apostle was there in his truck. I didn’t even know the man owned a truck, but it’s just like him—big and uncompromising.
As the nurse wheeled me outside, he jumped out of the driver’s side and stalked toward me, his dark eyes taking me in like he hadn’t seen me in ages instead of just last night before I was finally able to kick him out of my hospital room for the first time in days. He looked at me like he was ravenous, and my belly flipped and clenched which only reminded me that I was not in tip-top shape.
We only had that one night together and I had no plans of going back for a repeat. The last thing I was ever planning on doing was becoming attached to a man who couldn’t commit. Considering I met him at a DSMC party where club angels were strutting around with their assets barely covered, I had no illusions about the situation.
And I was going to stick to putting him firmly in the ‘it was a fun night and that was all’ category. Except I couldn’t reconcile that with the man who always watched me when I was around, who found moments to talk to me in his low, gravelly voice while stealing little touches so gentle that my body yearned for him. The man who had kept vigil next to my hospital bed even though I told him he didn’t need to—multiple times.
I was tired, over being in the hospital, and looking forward to, finally, heading home, when I snapped at him, “What are you doing here? Where’s Wrenley?”
Apostle didn’t bristle at my tone, even though it was full-on bitch. The man smiled, something I noticed he only seemed to do around me, before he crouched down in front of me. One of his large hands rested on my knee, searing me through the yoga pants I was wearing which were a huge upgrade from the horrible hospital gown I had been forced to endure for days.
The way he studied my face and then looked deep into my eyes made me want to squirm, but I held strong. I even stopped myself from running my fingers through his beard knowing it would be soft. The longer he stared at me, the more I wanted to push him away.
After we spent our night together, I tried to put some distance between us. I needed to do it because I could feel how easy it would be to fall for the man. And how devastating it would be if everything went to hell, which it would.
“I’m here for you, Sioux.” I bit my lip because everything in me wanted to throw myself at him with his sweet words. They hit the center of my chest, especially after he had barely left my side while I was in the hospital. “I almost lost you,” his words were clipped and gruff, like he could barely get them past his lips. “You can keep pushing me away, but I’m going to be right here for you.”
I swallowed hard, wanting with everything in me to open up my arms and heart for him, but fear clawed at me. I shook my head slowly, hoping he wouldn’t see through me and my words because I knew they were a lie before they even left my lips. “You don’t need to keep watching over me. I’m fine on my own,” my voice was soft even though my words were harsh.
Instead of getting pissed at me, like many men before him had done when I wouldn’t just drop my walls because they showed me a little bit of attention and interest, Apostle smiled again. It was so broad that his damn dimple popped out on one side of his mouth. It was hard to see with his beard, but it was there all the same.
I gripped the handles of the wheelchair tighter and the nurse who was pushing me let out a huff of annoyance. All I could do was roll my eyes and, at least, accept the ride he was offering. Especially since my best friend wasn’t there.
“Fine,” I huffed, trying to get the emotions I had been trying to suppress about the man in front of me down deep in my soul. It wasn’t easy. “I’ll take the ride since you’re here.”
Apostle leaned forward and kissed my forehead and murmured, “Thank you, firefly.”
My tears welled up and I wouldn’t look into his eyes when he pulled away. I didn’t want him to see how much his care and affection were affecting me. I couldn’t. I would crumble to fucking dust if I did.
I definitely ignored the way his hands held me as he helped me into his truck. Of course, that was after I eyed the giant monstrosity like it was going to bite me. I’m not a short woman at 5’9”, but I was still a little concerned about how I was going to get into the passenger seat, and it only had a little bit to do with the fact that I was days out of surgery.
Once I was settled, Apostle reached around me and buckled me up and I had to hold my damn breath so I wouldn’t breathe in the subtle hints of his cologne and the scent that was all him. Thankfully, I wasn’t feeling one hundred percent or else I would have had to clench my thighs together. I didn’t know I would find an upside to being shot and having to undergo surgery, but there I was.
When he got into his truck, he did so with ease which wasn’t surprising considering his size. I swear the man seemed to take up all the space and air inside that damn thing. That was when I welcomed the exhaustion starting to take over. Putting up a fight I didn’t even win about him picking me up was about all I had in me, and I rested my head against the window and closed my eyes.
The next thing I knew, his large hand was giving my knee a squeeze and I blinked my eyes open. I looked around, having no idea where I was. We certainly weren’t at my place.
I grumbled, “Where are we?”
“My place,” his voice was smooth like he wasn’t rocking my fucking world with two words.
“No,” my voice was still groggy from the short nap I took during the trip. “Take me home.”
“You are home, firefly,” he drawled and then hopped out of his truck before I could say anything to him.
The only thing I could blame on not putting up enough of a fight was the exhaustion I was feeling. I had spent days sleeping in the hospital, but it still felt like I could sleep for a week straight. I’m sure it was because my body was healing and sleeping in the hospital was far from restful.
