AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Okay,” she said, dragging out the second syllable as she blinked up at me.
“You’ve asked me a few times now about why I left the force and why I keep everyone at arms’ length—” I swallowed “—including you. Especially you.”
I broke off our eye contact, unable to take in the widening of her blue eyes. “The truth is that it all comes back to the same story, from when I was in Nashville. Remember—remember when I told you about Patrick and how I would make him cookies? And ratatouille?”
She nodded, putting her hand down next to mine so that the tips of our fingers touched.
“Neil, Patrick’s dad, was my partner from the day I made detective. He was way ahead of me, but he always treated me like I was on his level. I met him right after he’d asked his wife Jackie to marry him, and by the time the wedding came around, we were so close that he actually asked me to be a groomsman. And when Pat was born, I got asked to be godfather.”
I smiled at the memory, thinking of little blonde-haired, dark-eyed, solemn Patrick who took life so seriously. She smiled with me.
“Jackie became like a sister too, and she was always trying to set me up with people. She said she didn’t want me to wind up alone. But the truth was that I was happy with my life; I’d go out on dates, but I had my family with Neil, Jackie, and Patrick.”
I breathed deeper, knowing that I was coming up to the moment that would be hardest for me to discuss.
“Neil and I were on a complicated case involving a little girl who’d been kidnapped from her mom in a custody battle, and we’d tracked down the dad. He was a real piece of shit, so time wasn’t on our side; we had to get in there and get her out. We didn’t want to go in guns blazing in case he did something stupid, so we figured we’d get her out first while he was still sleeping and then go back in and arrest him. We were almost out of the house with her when her father had woken up.
He saw me holding his daughter as we were trying to get her out. He pointed a gun at me, and I heard it go off, but I got pushed out of the way, and I didn’t really see what had happened. I put the little girl down and radioed in for backup, and Neil and I were able to get out of the house. But—” The words froze in my throat, and I swallowed them down. “The bullet had lodged in Neil’s chest, and he died in surgery later that night.”
The tears were now rolling freely down my face, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away. She took my hand, and I held her fingers tightly.
“He pushed me out of the way, which put him right in line of fire, and after that I just… I froze. I could barely look at Jackie when she came to the hospital that night to see us. I couldn’t go to the funeral. The guilt still has me frozen most of the time. I send Jackie money every month to support her and Patrick, but I haven’t been able to talk to her or face her.”
I looked up at her, and I saw her biting down on her lip, hard. The tears were running down her face, but I could tell she was about to say something.
“Dillon, I know you feel guilty, and I understand why. But what if that bullet had gone wide? What if that little girl had been the one who’d been hit, instead of you?” She shook her head, holding my hand tightly. “There’s no reason why you need to feel guilty for him doing his job. You’d have done the same thing, I’m sure.”
“None of that changes the fact that he’s the one who’s dead, and I’m the one who’s still here,” I said, pulling my hand away. I tried to shove down the feelings that were mounting and overwhelming me. I didn’t want to say something that would hurt her or make her think that I was ungrateful for anything she’d said to me. I turned to look back at her, and her face looked clearly torn, as if she was wrestling with something. Whatever it was, I just hoped she’d be able to get it off her chest. I hoped she’d know that she could trust me enough—
“And I’m glad you’re still here. Because, Dillon, I’m pregnant.”
The bottom could’ve dropped out of the world and I wouldn’t have noticed. Everything seemed to have slowed down and speed up simultaneously, and my hands felt like they’d started to sweat. I wasn’t going to insult her by asking if it was mine; she’d been at my house for more than a month.
“What—Macy—” I leaned forward, putting my head into my hands. I took another few deep breaths before turning back to her. “Why did you keep this from me?”
She stood up, turning away from me, and I heard her voice thin out. “Because whatever I might feel for you, Dillon, and whatever you might’ve done for me, I don’t know you that well. I don’t know whether I can actually trust you. I knew Alex for years before we got engaged, and he never once abused me before that. I’ve known you for less than two months, and you might’ve been trying to protect me, but you were also being controlling at times.”
I didn’t know how to respond. I knew why she’d kept it from me.
“Now, I know that you wouldn’t do that. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, more than I can say. But the truth is that we still don’t know each other, and now, we don’t have to be in this situation. I’ll go back to my apartment and see what I can recover, and maybe we can talk more as things go on.”
I didn’t say anything. She’d had so many choices taken from her and so many events dictated to her that I didn’t know how to ask her to stay.
She went back into the house, leaving me on the porch in silence.
28
MACY
I was shaking when I went back into the cabin after my conversation with Dillon, unable to control my hands as I went to our room and sat down on the bed.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told him in that way, coming out as baldly as that, but I just hadn’t been able to hold back any longer after he’d told me everything he’d been holding back.
I’d figured that his story would be something like what he’d told me; there was nothing quite like guilt to work on you and compound your trauma into something even greater than what it needed to be. I knew that better than anyone. And if that guilt was allowed to fester and build, to become a living weapon inside you… well. It was no wonder he hadn’t let anyone close in over two years.
I knew he knew that this was his opportunity to step up and step forward. And I also knew we both understood the opportunity that sat before us. There was a very real potential for love here, and it was up to us to seize it, if we felt so inclined.
There was only one thing to do, and it was a risk… but there was nothing else I could think of. I wasn’t willing to give up on him—on us—that easily.
