AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I bring my fingers to my clit, slowly circling them around, teasing myself. Tension builds as I apply pressure, my back arching against the porcelain tub, my breath growing audible. I’m so close, my lips part as a small moan slips past them when I find my release.
But the second it’s over, instead of feeling satisfied, I feel guilty. An image of Carson’s sweet smile when he proposed to me sweeps across my mind. I feel a physical pain in my chest, like I’m betraying what we had by wanting someone else. Then it hits me. This is the first time that I have wanted someone else since his death. This is the first time a man has not only garnered my attention but left me wanting more. But this isn’t real; it’s a fantasy. It’s not a happily ever after with a white picket fence and the matching Disney outfits. It’s a secret fling that ends in heartbreak.
* * *
“Now you’re going to the Bahamas? Damn, I need a vacation or maybe a different job,” Xana says after taking a sip of wine.
“No, the point is I’m not going. Can you believe he thought he could force me into going?” I say, shaking my head. “The audacity.”
“Yeaaaaah, how rude of him to demand you go on a luxury, tropical vacation. Asshole!” Xana says sarcastically.
“What? You think I should go?”
“No, I didn’t say that. I just don’t think he’s being rude,” she says, using quotation marks. I give her an I don’t understand expression. “He’s thinking with his dick, Daph, come on.”
“Oh please, that man probably gets more women in a week than most men do in a decade. If he wanted to sleep with me, he wouldn’t go to those lengths. He’s just doing it as some sort of power move to get back at me for demanding he participate in the bake sale and silent auction, which was a huge success by the way.”
“Oh good! It looked amazing. You did such a fantastic job helping organize that entire thing. Did you say his nanny quit? Maybe I should apply.” She laughs.
“Right? What a job.”
“Aren’t you even a little bit curious?” She bounces her eyebrows up and down at me like a cartoon character.
“About?”
“The trip, if you went to the Bahamas with him.”
“No. First of all, I wouldn’t be going with him; I’d be the hired help. Second, how weird would it be to vacation with people you barely know?”
“Hmm, is that why you’re so offended by his offer?” She eyes me. “Because you want to be more than the hired help?”
“No, get outta here,” I deflect, smacking her with one of my throw pillows.
“I’m just saying”—she laughs, holding up her hand to dodge the pillow—“if I liked a guy and he only wanted me around to do a favor for him, I’d be butthurt too.”
“I’m not butthurt. And trust me, that’s not why I’m frustrated by it, not in the slightest,” I lie, knowing full well that’s exactly why I’m frustrated by it. “It’s just the fact that he has this arrogant attitude like whatever I say goes because I’m rich and powerful. I’m already a full-time teacher. Why can’t he find some other low-level peasant to pick on.” There is a lot of truth in that statement though. “And for as much as I love Daisy and I had a blast with her at my apartment, babysitting my students and going on vacation with their family is not part of my job description.”
“Speaking of, how’s the new job at Crestwood going? You seem like a completely different person than you were a few months back, packing up your life to run away to Paris.”
“I love it. Seriously, it’s great.”
“Good and for what it’s worth, I’m glad you decided not to uproot and move.” Xana knows me well enough that she knows she can either talk me down from the ledge or she knows she can wait it out and I’ll eventually find my way back.
“What are you and Ryan doing for Labor Day?”
“Probably the same thing we always do, spend the day on Lake Michigan with his family. You’re welcome to join us again. Unless, you know, you’re sailing the high seas.” She gives me a salute and it makes me laugh.
“How are things going with you and Ryan? Crazy to believe you guys have already been together over two years.”
Xana was put through the wringer for years before she met Ryan. She’d had her heart broken; she’d been cheated on, lied to, robbed by one guy and stalked by another. To see her smiling and happy with him brings me so much joy. She has the same kind of glow and giddiness talking about him that I did with Carson.
Carson wasn’t like any other man I’ve ever met. He was truly one of a kind with a heart of gold. He was empathetic and always anticipated my needs long before I even said anything. He was what the girls call a “golden retriever” man. He was innocent and loving and loyal in the most genuine way. I know that if life hadn’t ripped him from this world, we would have been that couple—the one who wears matching outfits with our kids at Disney and sends out our holiday cards with silly Santa sweaters and reindeer noses.
“Oh, Ryan.” She sighs, sitting back on my couch. “He’s wonderful. Things are going so well it almost scares me actually.”
“Like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop?”
“Yeah, exactly.”
