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I say my goodbyes and head over to Ann Sather to meet the girls for brunch.
“So, have you thought any more about dating? There’s a woman at work who just got engaged to a guy she met through one of the apps,” Taylor asks before shoveling a massive bite of the restaurant’s famous cinnamon rolls into her mouth. She moans loudly, and a few patrons at the table next to us look over at her.
“Doesn’t really help if you don’t know which app, Taylor,” Sylvia says, nudging her.
“Just saying, there’s hope if you choose to do online dating; it’s still successful.”
“There are also murderers on those apps too, so it’s kind of a gamble,” Sylvia adds with her trademark sarcasm that has Taylor rolling her eyes.
“Ugh,” I moan, dropping my fork to my plate. “I don’t want to do online dating. I want an organic relationship.”
“Nobody wants to do online dating, sweetie, but in today’s world it’s kind of unavoidable. Nobody is having those Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks meet cutes anymore where he saves you from a taxi or stops a stack of papers you dropped from flying all over the city.” Taylor is always the one to paint a beautiful picture and then squash it. “It’s just old balding dudes cat-calling you from construction sites or trying to grope you on the subway.”
“And they say romance is dead,” Sylvia pipes up, making me laugh.
“Or what about a meet cute where you hit on him at a bar and he turns out to be your boss? Just saying.”
They both give me the look.
“I’m kidding. I’m just out of practice with dating is all. I’ll do it.”
“Why do I feel like you’re full of shit?” Taylor eyes me suspiciously.
“We had a moment.” I promised myself I was going to keep it to myself, but who am I kidding; I tell them everything. They both drop their forks and stare at me wide-eyed.
“Well, not a moment, but there was some tension.” They wait for me to go on so I explain to them what happened between us last night.
“You know nothing more than regret and a hookup will come of this, right?” Sylvia asks cautiously.
“I know that and it doesn’t matter. I’m not pursuing it and he wouldn’t either. He’s far too professional for that.”
“Was he being professional last night?” She raises her eyebrow.
“No, but look. It’s fun to flirt and fantasize about him. I realize it’s because it’s all so taboo for several reasons. I’m not an idiot. I don’t think he’s my knight in shining armor or anything like that. I just haven’t been in a relationship in forever and I haven’t been laid in almost two years now. I know dating apps are the way to go but it’s like there’s so much damn effort just to go on a single date that most likely won’t amount to shit. You have to find all the right photos and fill out these quippy little questionnaires and it’s all just so exhausting. What happened to getting done up and going to a bar and meeting someone?”
“Have you seen Sex and the City because there’s like ten seasons of them doing exactly that with almost no luck.” Sylvia shrugs.
I lean back in my chair and fight back the tears of frustration that threaten to fall. I feel like a child throwing a tantrum, but I do feel overwhelmed by it all. It’s not only been years since I’ve been in a relationship, but it’s been years since I’ve felt the spark and excitement that I feel with Beckham and I hate that it’s all so wrong and complicated.
There truly is nothing worse than wanting something you can’t have.
“I know, sweetie. I’m sorry I’m being insensitive and I hate seeing you so frustrated,” Sylvia says sympathetically. “Maybe just go out and do what you said, meet someone at a bar casually. We’ll be your wing women. You’re only twenty-four. No need to pressure yourself to find your soulmate right now.”
“Twenty-five in two weeks,” I mutter.
“Look at me, I’m thirty-three and just now getting married. I don’t regret having fun in my twenties at all, but I can tell you that if I had gotten married at twenty-five, I might regret it right now. You’ve got the world at your fingertips, B. Enjoy finding your passion and career and just having fun. Just maybe not too much fun with your boss.”
We laugh, and talking to them about it all does make me feel better. For as much as I feel like I know what I don’t want in life, sometimes the pressures of marriage and kids get the best of me too, even if I never thought they were things I wanted or needed.
* * *
I double-check my lipstick in the mirror, smoothing down a flyaway hair before exiting the restroom to head to the restaurant to meet with Pierce Investments.
“Ready?”
My mouth goes dry when I see Beckham standing by my desk, one hand casually in his pocket, the other running through his silky dirty-blond locks.
“Did you change?” I take in his fitted three-piece gray suit.
