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I can see a touch of disappointment in her eyes. I know what she wants me to say; she wants me to say yes, no matter what, and while I feel that way, I really don’t want her to alter her life or her plans for me.
“Can we—just be honest. What do we have to lose? Why can’t we both just say what we feel instead of holding back?”
Her eyes search mine as I let her words sink in.
“Tell me,” she whispers.
Fuck it.
“Fine, yes, I want you to stay with me. I haven’t been able to sleep since the night I slept with you. I’ve thought of you in my bed every night since I gave you the tour of my house and you sat on it. I’ve regretted not having you in my bed, of not holding you in it.” I reach down and undo her towel fully, running my hands up her thigh to her waist. “No other woman has ever been in this bed, and I don’t want to see another woman in it besides you.” I lean down and kiss both of her nipples softly, her hands coming to tangle in my hair.
“More. Say more.”
“I don’t know what I'm feeling, but it scares me. Since the moment I saw you in class, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. You make me want to run away from everything and get lost in you.”
I drag my lips down her body, my mind drunk on lust. I know that I might regret saying all this, or maybe I won’t, but the outcome between us is still the same. Maybe she’s right; maybe I should just throw caution to the wind and fully lose myself in her tonight because I know that when this is all over, once she’s done with school, the race is over, the Meridian deal done, and I no longer need her services as my publicist… the fantasy is over and I have to let her go.
I stand up, walking over to her bag where she left her cell phone and reach for it, bringing it back over to her and tossing it on the bed.
“Text Serenity. You’re not going out tonight.”
I hold Presley in my arms. She’s fast asleep after hours spent lost in each other. I stare up at the ceiling, sleep eluding me. I turn to look at the clock; it’s only just after midnight.
I know that I love this woman, but I also know that I need to start putting some space between us. The race is in two weeks. After that, she has graduation in a month, and based on the last two meetings with Meridian, this deal will close somewhere in the middle of it all.
If I were twenty years younger—hell, even a decade—I’d pursue her wholeheartedly. I would have told her that night I stayed at her apartment that I loved her. But I can’t rob her of finding someone her own age, someone like Forrest. My stomach clenches at the thought, but I saw the way he looked at her. I know that he has everything going for him. Maybe I can even sell her on the idea that he’s just a younger version of me.
I’m a bastard, I know it. A selfish asshole who was perfectly willing to indulge in every physical escape with this woman all while selling her a lie that it was just sex, letting her think that we could keep it like that between us and no one would get hurt. Then it hits me. Maybe she is capable of that. Maybe I’m the only one who is going to end up getting hurt when this is all said and done.
I tilt my chin down and kiss the top of her head, a tear threatening to fall from the corner of my eye. My chest burns. It feels like I’m falling in love and walking away from it in the same breath… because I am.
Chapter 24
Presley
Two Weeks Later…
I flip through the different streaming services I’m subscribed to, giving up after finding nothing that sounds interesting on yet another Friday night alone. I lean back further into the couch, shoving a handful of popcorn into my mouth as I reach for my phone, checking it for probably the tenth time in as many minutes.
I haven’t talked to Cyrus outside of work since the last night we spent together at his house. I can’t help but think he’s avoiding me. After class, he darts out before I can even grab my bag. I’ve sent him a few texts, only one of which he’s responded to, and it was just a smiley face.
I toss my phone back on the couch, sulking. Serenity has also been busy. Between our end of semester rapidly approaching, work, and her boyfriend’s sister’s wedding that she’s part of, we’ve also barely hung out in the last few weeks.
The race is tomorrow. I’ve been so excited about it that I’m trying not to let the last two weeks ruin that for me. I stretch out on my couch, closing my eyes and replaying the things that Cyrus said to me.
I hadn’t actually expected him to reveal so much, to tell me that he was feeling something for me. Butterflies dance through my lower belly as I picture the look he gave me. I know he’s falling for me, but he’s scared, just like I am. I didn’t tell him how I felt, mainly because I know I’m in love with him and I know I would have said it, but I also didn’t express my feelings because he didn’t ask. Maybe that’s petty, but I don’t think he wanted to hear it because I think he regretted expressing his feelings to me. Maybe because he wasn’t ready yet or maybe because he doesn’t want to feel that way about me.
I groan, tossing my arm over my face. Just have fun tomorrow, be your normal happy self, and see how it goes. Maybe this is all in my head, I tell myself.
* * *
“Are you ready to do this?” I look up at Cyrus as we wait at the start line of the race.
“I am. Thanks, by the way”—he bumps my shoulder, flashing me that playful smirk I haven’t seen in a few weeks—“for getting me into this mess.”
“Oh, you know you’ve loved leading up to all this. All your unorthodox training methods you put me through.” I bounce my eyebrows and it makes him laugh. “Are you blushing, Mr. Gates?” I tease him and it feels like things are back to normal between us.
I let out a sigh of relief, realizing that I had built up this scenario in my head that he was pulling away from me after revealing his feelings.
