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It wasn’t until she’d reached the front door that Connor revved the four-wheel drive back to life, slowing to wave at her as he passed, before disappearing down the driveway.
Only then, once she’d had time to catch her breath and rid the jelly-like feeling from her legs, did she head inside to a thankfully dark house, climb up the stairs and tiptoe off to bed.
CHAPTER
17
Desiring him to take the lead, but not wanting to leave his side for a second, Samantha kept her horse slightly behind Connor’s, just enough for him to know, and feel, that he was leading the way. The sight of him in his happy place, rocking gently in his saddle, his strong chiselled jaw relaxed and his handsome face shaded by his hat, she couldn’t help but feel the magnetic pull dragging her heart that little bit closer to his. Even though it was a lifetime ago, she still remembered what it had felt like, with his mouth pressed up against hers while his hands caressed her skin so possessively, so seductively – it did things to her insides that made her stupidly believe that they, them, he and her, had possibilities that wouldn’t have been conceivable to her until she arrived back in Gum Tree Gully. Even so, with the glimmer of hope between them, she had to firmly remind herself that this was the present, not the past. She didn’t need to go and overthink everything. As if sensing her gaze, and reading her mind, he turned his head and smiled at her. Her heart fluttered. She wanted to hold onto this memory, and onto him, forever.
As the horses’ hooves clip-clopped along the cobblestone path, she found herself staring into his striking eyes as he studied her. ‘What are you thinking about, Mr Gunn?’
Even though there was hullabaloo all around them, his smile drew her in closer, making her feel like it was only her, and him, amid thousands of people. ‘I’m wondering why you don’t just move home with me.’
‘Because it’s not that simple.’ Her horse startled as a black taxi came out of nowhere, blocking their path. ‘I have a life, and a very successful business here.’
‘You have a life in Gum Tree Gully, too, Sammie, with me.’
And that was right when the dream abruptly ended.
Forcing her eyes open against the glittering sunshine pouring through the curtains, Samantha sat up. Pushing the covers back before she’d even had time to rub the sleep from her eyes, she slipped from the bed and stumbled over her pile of clothing that she’d dropped there the night before. But try as she might to pretend it didn’t happen, it all came rushing back to her, and she had to plonk herself on the edge of the tousled bed. Rubbing her face, she groaned against the twist of her stomach. Connor had almost kissed her. And she’d almost kissed him. They’d come so close. Too close. Things were getting way out of hand. She needed to get a grip, on herself and the situation. Connor wasn’t going to be some holiday fling for her. He was worthy of way more than that. More than she could give him. What in the heck had they been thinking? Good grief, she couldn’t even blame it on being a little drunk, as they hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol at Granny’s.
The chime of her phone mercifully startled her from her thoughts, and she threw herself across the bed to grab it before it went to her message bank. ‘Hey, Shea.’
‘Howdy doody. I’m too lazy to walk upstairs. Do you want some scrambled eggs?’
‘Oh, you’re far from lazy, Shea, and yes please.’
‘Right, well, you best get your butt downstairs, my friend.’
‘Okay, I’ll be there in a jiffy.’
After a trip to the loo, then the bathroom to wash her hands and splash some water on her face, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee perked her up and had her almost racing towards the kitchen. The space was white and bright, the glass sun catcher dangling in front of the window reflecting rainbows over the countertops. She momentarily found herself lost in the kaleidoscope of colours, her analytical brain taking a back seat to her dreamy one that said life could be magical, and miraculous, if she just allowed herself to see it.
Shea plonked a cup of black coffee in front of her. ‘Enchanting, isn’t it.’
‘Yes, it sure is.’ Samantha took a grateful sip. ‘Ahh, you’re a lifesaver, thank you.’
‘No worries.’ Shea floated back to the oven, where she clutched the handle of a pan and carried it over to the folded tea towel on the bench. ‘The sun catchers are my reminder, every bright sunny morning, that the day can be filled with beauty, and magic, if I want it to be.’
‘I really wish I could see the world more often like you do, Shea.’
‘You can, if you choose to.’ She tucked an arm into Samantha’s. ‘After we eat breakfast, I want you to get your riding gear on so I can show you more enchantment.’
Less than an hour later and the double hit of caffeine had kicked in nicely. Surefooted and calm, Samantha’s mare was a dream. For almost two hours she and Shea rode through the countryside that had once been her backyard, their conversation comfortably sparse in the presence of Mother Nature. Dappled sunlight made the path ahead appear bejewelled, and all around them birds sang sweet melodies. She knew exactly what Shea was doing – allowing her to see what she was missing, to feel what she had left behind, and she revelled in her restraint. And in that moment of serendipity, images of the one night she’d spent with Connor filtered through her mind. It was as if fate was trying to make her see what, up until now, she’d refused to.
Their night of passion hadn’t been a mistake, and neither had coming here – fate had played a hand at every turn, every step, at every bend and curve in her journey to this point in time. She just had to trust in the process. As scary as it was, she had to let her tight grip on the reins of her life go, a little. And with that revelation, despite the cooling breeze, she felt heat rising through her. She needed to step into her new future and to do that she had to face her fears. She had to go back to the cemetery. But not yet. This afternoon they were heading away from Gum Tree Gully, and to the coast. Because tomorrow Shea and Jack would be married. Only after that would she do what she needed to do to get her life on the right path.
***
Her make-up and hair done, Samantha left the hustle and bustle of the lounge room and wandered into the main bedroom of the ocean-view apartment at the Cairns Crystalbrook five-star resort. She needed to catch her breath before slipping back into her maid of honour duties. Running her fingers over the lace material of what was now Shea’s gown, Samantha had to use every bit of resolve not to break into uncontrollable tears. She wanted Shea to be wearing this dress today, but she felt guilty about not being the one to follow through on her mother’s wishes. Would the ache of her parents’ loss, the one that still squeezed her heart enough to make her fear vulnerability, ever diminish, or would it remain in the place where she filed the feelings she didn’t want to endure, or face?
Sinking down on the corner of the hotel bed, she reminisced about another time, another dress. The day she’d married Benjamin she’d been so happy, so hopeful for a future filled with the sense of finally belonging, and unconditional love, and her very own children to cherish. When the truth was, she was in fact a naïve, broken young woman who’d been led to believe that she’d found the one, and was walking into her forever. Benjamin had played his cards well. He’d played her well. Little had she known that her make-believe world was going to be yanked out from beneath her feet. It made her livid to think back over it with fresh eyes. But if she was going to once again become the optimist Shea was encouraging her to be, she had to focus on the fact that Benjamin had been a lesson, and in some way an escape from her world of heartbreak, if only for a little while. In the end he hadn’t been meant for her. And she hadn’t been meant for him. It went both ways. That also meant acknowledging the man who was meant for her, the man she was inevitably meant for, and that was both scary and overwhelming, and seemingly impossible, given the thousands of miles that separated their daily lives.
Shaking away her melancholy, Samantha stood, straightened her shoulders and focused on the day ahead. It was her best friend’s wedding, and Shea deserved for it to be all about her and Jack. She was going to do her damnedest to make that so. Sliding off her robe, she eased the silken forest green bridesmaid dress up her legs and shimmed into it. The zip was a little hard to do on her own, but with a bit of ungraceful twisting, she got there. The brand spanking new cowgirl boots Shea had chosen were next. The first one took a little bit of grunting and groaning to get on. Mission accomplished, she heaved a breath. One down, one to go. Going to pull the next one on, she stopped short. There was a note inside. Plucking it out, she expected to see Shea’s handwriting, but it was Connor’s cursive scrawl. Her heart stopped, and she covered her mouth – whatever did he have to say?
Hi Sammie,
I just wanted to let you know how special you are to me. I’m sorry things between us have been a little, let’s say, awkward at times, or possibly even confusing? I think I’m safe to say that we both know there’s something unique lingering between us. There always has been, and forever will be. What it is, we may never get the chance to fully understand, and that’s okay. Sometimes, sadly, life just doesn’t work out the way we plan, as we both know. The most important thing to me is that you don’t leave here and become a stranger to me again. I want you in my life, however that may be.
