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‘Not really.’ A few weeks ago, she would have meant it, but saying it now felt like a lie, to him, and to herself. ‘Or maybe it’s more of a case of being so busy I don’t really have time to think about here, let alone miss it.’
‘I’m sorry to say, but,’ he regarded her through gentle eyes, ‘that’s a really sad way to live, don’t you think?’
‘I’m not sure what you mean?’
‘I guess I was trying to say that being so busy means that you don’t have time to check in with yourself, which in turn makes you a cog in a massive machine that just keeps on turning, no matter how much you might want, or need, something.’
‘Or someone.’ Oh my god, did she just say that out loud?
‘Yes, or someone,’ he repeated in a tone that suggested he knew exactly who she was referring to.
Him.
Yes, that’s right, Evans, you meant him.
Oh god, what was this feeling he was rousing, and where in the hell was he enticing it from? Feeling a bit like a deer in headlights, she wasn’t sure what she was meant to do with it, or how she was meant to explain her sudden awkwardness away, so she clamped her mouth shut nice and tight. Sat up straighter. Fidgeted like she had ants in her pants. There was this almost irresistible urge to tell him she shouldn’t have run from him all those years ago, to get down on her knees and tell him just how sorry she was for messing everything up, and beg him for a second chance. She had the sense that they were meant to be together all along, and she’d just lost her way, and now she was back on track, she was helplessly heading straight into all that was him at a hundred miles an hour in a speeding locomotive with no brakes.
What the F was going on?
‘Are you okay, Sammie?’ His hand came to her back.
Unable to speak, she nodded, blinking faster.
Feeling his unwavering attention on her, but not able to look him in the eyes, she scrabbled for something, anything, to say, to break the silence that was now pressing in on her. But her hands twisted in her lap as words got stuck in her throat. She swallowed down, hard, trying to rid herself of the growing lump of emotion. She did her best to gather any scrap of willpower she could. And yet, the urge to tell him everything she was thinking was getting more powerful by the second. But there’d be no benefit from acting out on a whim. She’d done that once, and look where it had gotten her – over the other side of the world and married to a lie. She couldn’t go and stuff their relationship up again. Connor didn’t deserve it. She wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she hurt him. Again.
But this, him, the thought of there being a them was so beautiful, she wanted to reach out and touch the energy sparking between them, to somehow drag it into her heart and soul, bury it down deep in all the dark parts of her, because it was magical.
If only she could reach out and touch him.
All over.
Behave, Samantha ...
Knowing she had to get the heck away from the temptation of him, she glanced at her watch. ‘Gosh, look at the time.’ Unfurling her legs from beneath her, she shot to her feet. ‘I reckon it’s time I should be heading back. Shea will be wondering where I’ve gotten to.’
Connor didn’t respond straight away, instead just looked at her in a way that told her he knew exactly what she was thinking. ‘Shea knows you’re here with me, but yup, all good, I’ll drop you home.’ He stood, his smile a little tight-lipped, and his casual air had all but disappeared. ‘I’ll just go and grab my keys.’ He seemed to hesitate, and then leaning in, he kissed her cheek for one heartbeat, two heartbeats. And when he pulled back to look her in the eyes once more, there were flames flickering and flashing in his baby blues. ‘I care for you, Sammie, deeply, always have and always will. No matter what. You don’t have to feel awkward around me, okay? This is me, Connor. Remember that you’re always safe with me.’
With overwhelming emotions momentarily taking away her ability to reply, she bit her bottom lip and nodded. But then, from somewhere unknown, she dragged her real self from the depths and unshackled her heart as she threw her arms around him. ‘Thank you, for being you.’
‘You don’t need to thank me.’ Connor’s arms tightened around her, so lovingly, so protectively.
Samantha felt like she was right where she needed to be. ‘I care for you, too, Connor, always have and always will, no matter what.’
There was a shudder in his breath. ‘That means the world to me, Sammie.’
Not wanting to let him go, she rested her cheek against his chest. They stayed like this for a few moments, until she unravelled from him, and this time, dared to look him in the eyes. ‘Other than Shea, you’re the only person in this world who cares enough to know the real me, and I adore you for that.’
‘We’re connected, you and me, in ways many will never experience in their lifetime.’ He smiled now, ridding her of any lingering unease. ‘I’m so glad you came home for the wedding.’
‘Yeah, me too.’ She breathed a sigh.
‘Let’s get you home, hey.’ But something in his gaze told her that was the last thing he wanted to do.
CHAPTER
13
Thanks to his racy dreams, Connor’s first thought for the day had been how much he wanted to get his hands all over Sammie. The things he would do to her, and the heights he’d take her to … Now, thirteen hours later, he just couldn’t seem to shake the fantasies that stirred his inner longings. It had been a long hot day, slaving his guts out as he and a hired group of stockmen drove a herd of obstinate cattle from the far-reaching back paddock to their new pasture. Now, with the sun disappearing behind the mountain ranges, he was glad the day was done and dusted. He kicked his boots off at the back door, and the flyscreen slapped shut behind him as he strode into the welcoming coolness of the farmhouse. Tugging his hat off, he slung it onto the hook, then eased his neck out. His shirt and jeans were covered in dust, mud splatter and grass stains, and his body ached from where he’d thrown himself from his horse in a bid to literally grab the disobedient bull by the horns. Thank goodness he’d been able to get control over a situation that could have turned out very differently, had the bull gotten the upper hand. The stubborn bastard had certainly given him a run for his money. A shower was in order, but first he need to whip up some dinner because he was starving, and then, after he rinsed the day off, an early night was on the agenda. Tomorrow was going to be another big day.
