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“You what?” he pushes.
“I’m just scared!” I blurt it in a rush and feel terrible. Shouldn’t I feel better without the burden of that truth weighing me down?
He scoffs. “Me too. Remember? I’m just as guarded.”
I shake my head. “No. This is different. I’m not talking about someone not choosing me, I’m talking about losing people. I lose everything I love.” Tears threaten, and I inhale deeply to stave them off. “First my parents. They died and I was alone. Then my job. It was taken, and I had no direction. Then Lauren. She’s my only real friend, the only person I let into my life before I met you. And I almost lost her to Jeremy and her parents’ control. Everything I care about is taken from me.”
He gazes at me with such intensity, those tears almost come back. Another deep inhale helps.
Say something! I have basically admitted that I love him by lumping him in the same category as others I’ve loved. It isn’t until this poignant moment that I realize how deeply I feel for him. I’ve fought the attraction since we met. I’ve resisted his presence. I’ve dug in my heels and remained stubborn to let him in, but he’s there. Dalton is under my skin and in my heart, whether I planned to allow him there or not. Sure, I’ve cared for him, but speaking about it now, I see how strong my feelings have become.
“But—”
He groans. “No. No but. Not after you said that. Please.”
“But,” I say, almost smiling at his plea, “I don’t know how we could even work past a fun hookup or vacation fling. I don’t see how our lives could align for a future.”
He furrows his brow, clearly not a fan of what I’m saying, but it’s the truth.
“You’re going home, to New York. You’re only staying here for a few more days, and I bet since Caleb’s your best friend, you’ll visit again, but that’s all it will ever be to you, just temporary visits. Your home—your life—is in New York. And I’m…Right now, I’m here.”
It doesn’t enter my mind to mention California. I know that chapter of my life is done, and I’m okay with it. The excitement of thinking about teaching elsewhere is addicting, like an exploration of my potential.
“I might stay here,” I add.
“Come with me.”
I rear back at his quick request.
“Come to New York with me. I know you’re eager to teach again. I can help you find something. Either through my foundation work or anywhere, just—”
“No.” I sigh and shake my head. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. A retired teacher and I were talking in town while you were gone. She’s encouraging me to apply to teach here, and as of this afternoon, I’m in the running to be Acorn Hill’s next third-grade teacher.”
I smile as I wait for his response. All day, I’ve been grinning about the opportunity that’s come my way. I should be excited about this news. But telling him, I have to force the expression and I know it falls flat.
I’m still waiting. Seconds turn to minutes as he stares at me with such an unreadable expression I want to beg him to speak. He’s quiet, but dammit, I need to hear what he thinks about this!
“I’m falling in love with you.” He blurts it, true to his nature, but his somber face shows me that while his words are hastily shared, they are genuine. “I have fallen for you, Aubrey.”
I can’t move. I can barely think past the rush of my heartbeat. It’s not panic taking over me, but…
Whoa. I’m stunned silent, gaping at him. In love? Since when? He might be quick to remind me that I said we were just for fun, but he was the first one to say we were a hookup.
He releases my hand, standing so swiftly I flinch at the sudden nature of his move. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
Wait. What? Wait!
Then he turns and exits the room, leaving me there frozen in shock.
My body itches to move. I suffer the urge to get up and go after him. I can’t let him have the last word, especially like that! But I don’t. I cannot will my legs to carry me from this bed, and I sit there, stuck, and hating myself for my fear to chase after him.
For the rest of the night, I operate on autopilot. I get ready for bed. I lie down on the mattress. I shut off the lights. All my motions are automatic because I am numb in a shellshocked state. I struggle to wrap my head around it all.
Dalton loves me. He said it, and I have no reason to doubt the sincerity of his declaration, but I can’t just accept it like this.
I roll over in bed, unable to sleep or even get sleepy. Staring at the shared door, I reach deep within my conscience and challenge myself to stop. To put an end to this nonsense of being scared to commit. To hold back just because the fear of losing something good is terrifying.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I feel exactly the same. That I’m right there with him and falling so hard and fast.
