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“No kidding. I figured you’d give up on women forever after Johanna.”
I smirk. “But Aubrey makes me feel something I’ve never experienced before.”
He raises his brows. “Not even Johanna?”
I shake my head. Nope. And I was ready to propose to her. “It’s messing me up, dude. I don’t know what to do.”
“About Aubrey?”
“Yeah. I’m supposed to head back to the office soon. If I leave things alone and return to New York without knowing for sure if something real can continue with us, if she’s got something real for me, I’ll regret it.”
He nods. “Yeah. I can see that.”
“But at the same time, the thought of Aubrey rejecting me and not feeling the same as I do sounds painful enough that I might be better off without ever knowing.” What compounded that fear was how she’s already giving me signs of not reciprocating the same emotions that have struck me. She’s already shown her distance, and while I know she’s got her own issues to work on, her own baggage, I wonder if it’s just not in the cards for us to be together.
And I could solve some of her issues. All it would take is a simple conversation with this guy right here. If I told him Jeremy screwed Aubrey over with her job, he’d redirect his legal team to go after the punk and make him pay. Between Caleb and me, our lawyers could fix Aubrey’s loss of a job. She could teach again. Her life wouldn’t be so miserable anymore. But I also understand why she wanted to keep it quiet. She asked me not to tell Caleb or Lauren, and I refuse to betray her trust like that. Still, the idea isn’t far from my mind. Besides, what good would that do, anyway? If Caleb or I could make it so she could teach again, she’d go back to California, even further from New York. I feel selfish to think that way, but the bottom line of it all is that it isn’t my place to meddle.
“You want my opinion?” Caleb leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he folds his hands together.
“You’re going to give it to me whether I want it or not.”
He smiles. “I think you should tell her the full truth. How you feel, your concerns about your feelings. Even Johanna. I’ve heard your phone ringing, and I know she’s been blowing up your phone. She’s even contacted some of my office staff in the city asking about you.”
Whoa.
“I recommend blocking her, once and for all. If you’re done with her—”
“I was done with her a year ago. When I caught her cheating.”
“Yeah, a year ago. When you were ready to propose.”
His different perspective on the situation bothers me.
“If you were done with her a year ago at the same time you were ready to make her your woman forever…”
I sigh and rub my face.
“Why haven’t you blocked her yet? If you say it’s over, then you should be able to cut her out of your life.”
I look away, not wanting the full brunt of his gaze. He’s putting me under pressure, and I hate the feeling of having to answer. “I know it’s the right thing to do.”
“So…”
I glance at him and scowl. “So…I don’t know.” For whatever reason, part of me is stuck in the past. She hurt me that bad, it’s not so easy to just get up and wash my hands of her. I don’t miss her, but with how long we were together and how committed I was to her, I almost feel like she owes me a damn answer after all.
An answer I won’t listen to.
She has been reaching out to speak with me. For the sake of closure and moving on, it would be a brilliant move to hear her out. To put her in her place and wait for her to apologize and explain her infidelity. I’m owed that much. At the same time, though, I know that’s not why she is so stubbornly contacting me.
Each time she leaves a message, it’s with a hint of wanting me back. Of going back to what we had. Every time she reminds me of “how good we were,” she’s giving me the opposite of closure. And that won’t do. Her persistence has been nagging at me for a long while now, and with how quickly and deeply my feelings are growing for Aubrey, I wonder how long I can keep myself—and her—in limbo until I make up my mind.
It’s the fear of it all. I only touched the tip of the iceberg when I told Caleb I worried about Aubrey rejecting me.
I know blocking Johanna would enable me to move on, presumably to move on with Aubrey.
But if Aubrey isn’t in sync and doesn’t want a future with me, I’m not sure how I’ll move on after that.
Chapter 23
