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Confused, I turned my head to search her face, surprised she didn’t immediately say one hundred percent. “He’s clean of the taint, now. Right?”
She gave herself a little shake and sat up straighter. “Right now, yes. He’s clean. But if you put him back in that corpse, I still see zeroes.”
“No,” I whispered. Pain squeezed my chest, banding my heart as surely as his spirit had been trapped. “No! It can’t end like this. I can heal him. I must.”
“I’m sorry, Shara.” Carys said in a gentle voice so unlike her normal snappy tone that a sob broke free from my throat. “You’ve done all you can for him. If you’d burned his body before you freed his spirit, he would have been burned alive.”
Tears streamed down my face as I stared at the bird. I’d fucking tortured him. I’d strung him up by his ankles like a side of meat and drained his entire body until only a shell remained while he fucking screamed, even with melted vocal cords.
And for fucking what?
Zeroes. All zeroes.
I couldn’t bring him back. Well, I could, but I couldn’t heal him.
He’d never be Blood again. I couldn’t risk touching him, even so much as a hug.
I’d never taste my mother in his blood. Only black rotten taint.
Why? I silently wailed in my head. My heart. Why send him to me if I can’t save him?
“You did save him,” Lew said hoarsely. “You freed him from the Dauphine. You saved him when all else failed. Now he can fly to sit on your mother’s shoulder, waiting for us to join them.”
The sphinx gently lowered the body to the floor and allowed the cord to slip from his mouth. Lew straightened his head, tucking his chin closer to his chest to hide the gaping holes in his throat.
“He’ll have to be burned.” My voice echoed, hollowed out and empty. My throat ached. “I don’t know if I can. Not so soon.”
“We’ll take care of him,” Lew replied as he adjusted Thierry’s arms and legs so he looked almost asleep. Peaceful. Not twitching and flopping and screaming with agony. “I know him better than anyone, Shara, and he’s grateful. He wouldn’t want you to feel a moment of regret or sadness for him.”
But I do. My throat squeezed harder. Choked sobs swelled inside my chest until my ribs hurt.
Chirping softly, the bird hopped toward the body. He perched on the ridge of bone stabbing out of the mutilated chest and made another gentle sound. A soothing coo that wrecked my heart into shreds.
“No.” I shook my head, swiping my tears away. “Go, Thierry. She’s waiting for you.”
He chirped again and hopped down into the cavity of his own corpse, popping his head back out to look at me.
“No! I can’t make you live through that again. I’m fine. I’ll be okay. I’ll dream about you with her, safe and happy and whole.”
But the bird chirped insistently. I stepped closer and squatted down, holding my hand out to him. “She needs you more than I do, Thierry. She’s all alone.”
I didn’t know for sure, but all the times I’d felt my mother’s ghostly presence, I’d sensed only her. I didn’t know if that was part of her penance for killing Desideria, or if the rest of her Blood were still alive in this world. Waiting for me.
Or fucking trapped like Thierry.
Trapped by their honor and love for my mother, and their hope for a future Isador queen.
Coo, coo. The bird ducked down into the darkness of his ribcage. Chirp, chirp, coo.
I didn’t need Nevarre to translate.
Stay. Help. Love.
No matter the fucking cost.
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NEVARRE
