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My reflection looks sallow and exhausted, and I feel as if I'm inches away from death.
The cracked mirror runs a line across my face as if I'm just like the scarred man who was standing over my bed.
I have so many questions.
Why did he kill the other man?
Was he trying to help me?
Was it even about me at all?
The sight of red catches my eye, and I turn my face to see a spot on my neck that Beck missed when he attempted to clean me up.
Instead of wanting to wipe it away, I have to wonder what it would feel like to chip away a part of the mirror and run the glass down that pulsing area of my throat.
I swallow as tears threaten once again.
There isn't a single thing in my life that I control, but my death is something in my power right now.
I pull in a ragged breath, knowing I don't want to die. I never really have. I've wanted to get things over with quickly when everything else seemed hopeless, but I never wanted to be gone. I wanted things to be different.
My chest heaves as I try to keep myself from sobbing uncontrollably.
I want to be loved.
I want to be worthy of protection.
I want to be valued and cherished.
I pull off my clothes, tossing them into a pile. They were items bought by Nathan and, despite the expense of the fine fabrics, they feel like sandpaper on my skin.
I don't bother to wait for the water to warm before stepping under the spray.
I can't get Ruby's voice out of my head and her insistence that everyone I touch in my life is another person on Nathan's hit list.
I hate that I was a coward, that I chose myself over every person Nathan has ever hurt.
Tears are running down my face when the bathroom door opens. I'm glad for the water coating my skin because I'm tired of him seeing the weakest parts of me. I believe the man loves me, but he'll only grow disappointed with me.
"Not a very strong lock," he says with a sad smile hitching his thumb over his shoulder. "I just couldn't stay out there while you were in here."
I know it's purposeful that he doesn't ask if he can join me before he starts pulling off his clothes. He's not going to risk me telling him no because being the man that he is would mean he'd have to listen. I can see by the look in his eyes that he doesn't want to be anywhere else other than with me.
He doesn't pay any attention to his semi-erect cock as he kicks away his boots and then his jeans.
He doesn't hesitate to pull me to his chest the second he steps into the shower with me. I press my nose into his neck, my tears doubling. It takes only two breaths before I wrap my arms around his waist and cling to him.
I feel the breath of relief that escapes his body as if he had no clue how I'd react to him being in here with me. I hate that I put that doubt into him. I hate how I spoke to him, and the lies I told him.
I needed him away, but I know now that it doesn't matter how much I love him back, the universe never sides in my favor. Nathan must've sold his soul to the devil because he always manages to come out on top. This situation will be no different, but I can stay in his arms until the evil I brought into his life rips us apart. Honestly, it's the best either of us can hope for.
"I love you," he whispers, his lips against the top of my head.
"I don't deserve you," I say, the truth of it makes my heart ache.
"I'll keep saying it until you believe it."
I sob in his arms, but I can't tell him that I believe him, that I believed him the first time he said it.
