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Maybe I should have changed his name to Victor in my phone.
When I feel like I can stand again, I do.
I wander back upstairs, but I’m in a haze.
I left the room so fast, and for such a clear reason, everyone is looking at me when I come back in. I attempted to fix my makeup a little, but I didn’t have my purse with me, so I definitely do not look my best.
Thankfully, the lights are still dimmed.
“Sorry,” I murmur, my face warm as I make my way back to my spot on the couch.
This time, I can feel Sloane looking at me, but I can’t look at her. I don’t think she suspects anything aside from what Killian said—that I was crying in the bathroom—and that would also explain why my makeup is wrecked.
But I know what happened.
I don’t know how I feel about it, and honestly, I don’t want to dissect it right now.
So I don’t.
I let myself escape to Barbieland and reality, and when that one is over, we watch Crazy, Stupid Love. And I can agree that love is crazy and stupid, so maybe I enjoy it a little more than I did the last time I watched it.
I love you too, you know.
My Frankenstein heart has wings, but also a front-row seat to a reality that doesn’t quite match up with Killian’s words.
Because I don’t understand why he won’t just end things with her if what he says to me is true. Why do the Blue Bloods care who he marries?
When the movie ends and I go back upstairs, I can finally get my phone again. I wish I hadn’t left it while we watched the movie because I was dying to see if Killian would text me after he left, and now I see he did.
“Miss you already.”
I hug my phone to my chest, but then Addison comes in right behind me, and I have to pretend everything is normal.
I refrain from texting him back, but it’s hard because I want to.
God, I want to.
I want to go to his apartment.
Crawl in his bed.
I want him to fuck me and make me forget the bad dream my reality has turned into.
I want him to decimate me and keep all the pieces for himself. He can put me back together however he wants to.
I don’t care if the end result looks monstrous, as long as I can be with him.
Blowing out a breath, I lie back on the bed in Addison’s dress and think maybe I don’t need to go to his apartment for him to fuck me, because I am clearly super fucked already with the thoughts racing through my head.
“You okay?” Addison asks.
No.
“Yeah.”
Definitely not okay, but I feel… hopeful in a way I haven’t since…
Actually, since I saw him at school.
