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“No. I’m really here.”
He nuzzled my neck and then softly sighed against my skin. “I’ve missed you, Sarah.”
His somewhat slurred speech and Josh’s warning were the only things that kept me from freaking out. “I know.”
“I’m sorry.”
I rubbed my hand up and down his back, keeping my voice soothing. I sensed he needed to talk but didn’t have a clue who he was talking to: me or Sarah. “For what?”
“It wasn’t cold feet. You told me it was, but I was only trying to be rational when I said I wanted to postpone the wedding. Then I didn’t have a chance to make it up to you.”
My motions ceased as the implication of what he was saying sunk in. No wonder he had such guilt. He’d been trying to postpone the wedding right before she’d died.
His hot tears could be felt on my neck, and my heart broke for him. “You would’ve. We both know that.” I was here to comfort him even if it meant I was her voice for the moment.
“I loved you so much.”
“I know.” My own tears trickled down to join his.
“And I swore I’d never meet anyone else, but I did.”
I stopped breathing in that moment, waiting for him to say more.
“You two couldn’t be any more different.”
“I bet.” Those were the only words I could manage. I wasn’t prepared for him to continue.
“Jules is like a tornado, coming into my life when I least expected it.”
I wasn’t sure being compared to a natural disaster was a compliment, but I stayed quiet.
“It’s the first time I’ve been truly happy since you.”
It would be so easy about now to say something like: “then you should go and be happy.” My conscience wrestled with it, but in the end, I couldn’t offer the blessing he desperately sought from her. He needed to come to the conclusion on his own that he could move on in life. Instead, I held him as he bawled in my arms while saying, “I’m sorry” over and over again.
His soft snore finally came once he’d exhausted himself.
Extricating myself gently was no small feat as he had me completely tangled up in him. Once I was off the bed, I let out a breath before tiptoeing over to his side to cover him with a blanket.
My poor, tortured, beautiful man. At the heart of it, I didn’t know how to fix this for him. Didn’t know how to absolve him of this guilt which had been eating him up for years, let alone the newfound guilt about being with me.
Walking out into the living room, I found Brian and Josh talking in low tones on the sofa. Both looked up when they saw me.
“He’s asleep.”
Relief washed over both of them. “Dr. Mac will be here about nine o’clock tomorrow morning,” Josh provided.
I took a seat in the recliner, curling my feet underneath me. “What happened? How did you find him like this?”
Josh spoke up. “Whenever I talked with him over the last couple weeks he sounded off kilter. I didn’t put it together that his behavior dated from the time you left. Then four days ago he sent me a text saying he was sick. I was in New York, so it wasn’t until today that I swung by to check on him, finding him in the bottle.”
“What happened four days ago, Juliette? If you don’t mind telling us,” Brian asked.
I was careful with my response, not wanting to reveal the intimate details. “We sort of ended things. I never meant— I thought it was me who was the most torn up over it. As much as I think he wants to move on, he can’t. And I couldn’t—” I held up my arms, indicating all of the pictures of Sarah surrounding us. “I couldn’t wait around hoping he’d eventually get there. I needed to get home with Tristan and get him back into a routine close to my family.”
Brian held up a hand. “You don’t owe us an explanation of why you left, honey. There’s no one to blame in this situation.”
I dabbed at my eyes, not wanting to cry. “No, there’s not. That’s what makes it even harder. Mark is probably the best man I’ve ever met, but I don’t know how to help him. It goes beyond me.”
