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“And if I’m completely honest, that was the memory that got me through. Knowing that someone out there cared about me. Even if you didn’t get my letters, for whatever reason. I knew you were out there and you thought I was special enough for you.”
No amount of kisses seems to make her look of concern disappear every time we talk about us.
“What is it, Josephine? What’s bothering you?”
She casts her eyes to the ground and says, “Suzanna might have something to say about you proposing we honor our marriage pact.”
That’s out of nowhere.
I step back but not enough to let go of her. “Where did that come from?”
She lifts one shoulder and looks away uncomfortably.
“Josephine. Don’t do this. Say it.”
Her chin trembles. “Call me an insecure idiot, but your ‘good girl’ really, really wants you to come home.”
The air quotes remind me of what I said.
And I’m the idiot.
I didn’t pick up on the fact that she wondered who Suzanna was to me, and I let her worry.
“Suzanna and I are not romantically involved in any way, shape, or form,” I say firmly.
“Okay,” she replies, not sure if she believes me. “Good.”
“And if I had an ounce of feelings for her, Suzanna’s girlfriend would have something to say about that.”
Her mouth gapes. “Oh.”
“I wasn’t thinking when I called her that. She’s just a dear friend. Does that make you feel better?”
She arches an eyebrow. “It makes me feel stupid for being jealous.”
“I hate that you feel stupid. I hate even more that you spent one minute worrying about what another woman means to me. So listen to me now. There’s nobody else.”
“Okay.”
“And there’s more, Josephine.”
Again she shivers, then places one hand over mine that’s cupping her jaw. She pulls it away and kisses the center of my palm.
“Later,” she says. “We’ve got some work to do now that we’ve picked all these vegetables.”
There’s my practical girl.
My practical, pragmatic girl that I’ve always loved, and now that I’ve found her, will always love.
17
Josephine
Some people listen to music when they’re alone. I find that music makes me feel too many things when I’m doing solitary tasks.
So whenever I put up vegetables for the winter, I choose podcasts or the local radio station.
The next morning, though, I put on music.
