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“Same difference,” I said. “Besides, if all the girls I date end up hurting me, maybe there is something wrong with me.”
“Shitty luck,” Tyler said.
“An easy excuse,” I countered. “Am I drawn to those that will hurt me?” I didn’t want to believe it, but it was a legitimate question.
“Not at all,” Tyler said. “Amy hadn’t hurt you. You just…drifted.”
“And she told me she would rather be single than waste her time on me,” I said. Fuck. I made myself seem as pathetic as I felt. “But really, it’s Jennifer. I thought I was doing everything right. I had no idea she was so unhappy.”
“She makes herself unhappy,” Tyler said. “Do you think she’ll build a life with that ox?”
I couldn’t help it. A bitter laugh broke out of me. “If she does, it won’t be a happy one.”
“I know girls like that,” Tyler said. Our pace was picking up as the cold air bit our butts and made us long for warmth, even if it was at a gym. “They were their daddies’ favorite, never hearing a ‘no,’ always getting their way. They don’t know what a bad thing is. They don’t know what it means to struggle. And what did Jennifer do? She pulled problems out of her ass.”
I hated that a small part of me wanted to argue on her behalf. I hated that something in me was still protective of Jennifer even when my best friend painted the truth for me.
It was good that we were going to work out. I hadn’t realized how much anger I was carrying until I started punching the speed button on the treadmill. When I pushed it to eight miles per hour, Tyler’s gaze was darting in my direction. We ran and ran and ran until sweat was dripping off my body, but my stamina was far from exhausted.
The second part of the workout took us well over an hour and a half. We lifted weights, focusing on our torsos today, and I pushed myself to the brink of collapse. Every growl and grunt that left me brought me a sliver of peace somewhere deep inside my chest. My pecs seared as I lifted the heavy bar, my triceps screaming with pain.
I didn’t worry. Tyler was there to help me whenever my muscles betrayed me and I couldn’t lift the bar to the safety pegs.
He never left my side that entire day. Not while we worked out and not when we stopped at the library. We grabbed lunch together and returned to the team house for a bit of a rest before our drills in the evening.
It had been a long time since Tyler and I spent this much time together. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was glad to be around him. We had grown up together, inseparable since the day he was born. The younger one between us, even if by two weeks only, Tyler was wiser. I relied on him whenever my family became too much to handle. In return, I had been his support when his mom left. And I hoped I’d done a good job.
To this day, Tyler was more than a brother to me. My own brothers didn’t like me very much. They loved me; they just didn’t know what else to do with me. I’d been a black sheep in my family since I first picked up a stick and put on a pair of skates. Even now, I remember it. Tyler had gone to a local rink and did a trial session with a junior group. He had fallen and bruised himself more times in that one night than ever before. But the huge, dimpled grin on his face when he told me about it was enough to infect me with the same sort of infatuation.
My parents hadn’t imagined that a bit of fun activity could ever turn into something I loved. They’d enrolled me right away, even though my brothers frowned and spoke against it. Mom and Dad regretted it later, but I didn’t.
Tyler went to the basement before me. I stayed in our room to find the sources for the introduction of my essay using some of Tyler’s literature and promised to join him for a game or two.
About twenty minutes later, I pushed myself away from the desk, bleary-eyed and useless. Instead of searching through his literature, I was replaying the events of last night. So many things crossed my mind. All I could have said and done, but it was too late now.
If there was any justice out there, I would never see Jennifer again. And that thought alone made my heart throb painfully.
I balled my fists and went downstairs. The basement area was behind a door and I paused when I heard Tyler’s voice. At first, I just didn’t want to disturb him, but then I heard the words. “…leave him now. He’s not good, Court. He needs me.” Silence. Pacing. “Yes. Yes, I know. But he actually needs me for a specific problem. I can’t come tonight.” He gasped. “What? No. It’s not like that. Babe, you know how I feel about this. You know I want to see you, but it’s not right.”
I walked back up to the ground level and checked the contents of the fridge. When I had nothing else to do, I pulled out a bottle of water, cracked it open, and drank half of it in one go. I knew he was putting his life on hold because of me. And I adored him for it. But I couldn’t let him sacrifice his relationship just because I got screwed over.
Inevitably, Tyler went to look for me. He found me in the kitchen, drinking water, and smiled. “Ready? I’m in the mood to kick your sorry ass.” There wasn’t a trace of anything other than positive energy on his face. He was a joyful guy, quick to laugh, loyal to those he loved, and beyond selfless.
But later, after practice, I had to push him away. I had to send him to Courtney so that at least one of us had a normal, healthy relationship. “I’m ready,” I said, forcing a calm to my voice that I didn’t feel. But it was worth it. If Tyler believed I was fine, he wouldn’t feel like he had to babysit me. And if I could get him to be happy, then it was totally worth it. I could hold the pieces of my shattered heart without ruining my best friend’s love life together with mine.
FOUR
Tyler
I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “Are you sure?”
“I’m fine,” Sebastian insisted. “I’m telling you. You were right. It’s her loss, not mine.” The stiffness in his facial muscles confused me. He sounded way better than this morning. Maybe the gym had helped burn through some unresolved feelings, but the whole thing was only twenty-four hours old.
I frowned. “I’d rather stick to the plan. Let’s get drunk and cry it out.”
Sebastian grinned. “I wouldn’t waste breath on it, Ty.” He tossed his duffel over his shoulder, shook his head at me, and added, “You should spend time with Courtney, man. Besides, I still have all that literature to sift through.”
“You’re not having after-practice drinks, then?” I asked. “That sounds a lot like you’re not fine.”
