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The house was dark and quiet when Gray put his key in the lock. He couldn’t possibly be lucky enough to find Mason and Jack asleep so he could just slip into bed and postpone arguing until morning. He tried not to make a sound as he put his bag down and laid his coat over the back of the couch. He needed a shower, which might wake them, but after being at the crime scene, he smelled of smoke, and while he’d watched Jenna wave her gun around, he’d been dripping sweat. He was way too gross to get into bed.
When he reached their bedroom door, he realized Jack and Mason weren’t asleep after all. They were cuddled in bed watching a movie.
“Um, hi,” Gray said. “I need a shower.”
Mason made a face. “Yeah, you do.”
Jack motioned toward the bathroom. “Go.”
Gray wasn’t sure he could handle being yelled at after being held at gunpoint then losing his witness, but he’d almost rather that than the emotionless reception he was getting.
He glanced back at the two of them as he shut the door. They were so cozy all snuggled up. An ugly sensation of jealousy flexed itself inside him. They were so peaceful, so relaxed, so together. And he was on the outside looking in.
Gray knew he was being unfair. There’d been plenty of times he’d cuddled with one of them like that when the other one was gone, but those times seemed far away.
He turned on the water, making it as hot as he could stand it. Then he scrubbed himself, washing his hair three times before he was satisfied it didn’t smell of smoke anymore. Finally, knowing he couldn’t hide in there forever, he cut the water off and dried himself.
When he stepped out of the bathroom, Jack turned the TV off. “I’m guessing after the fire at Andreas’s house, our trip really is off.”
Gray sighed. “Yeah, I think so.”
Jack and Mason looked so fucking disappointed. Anger and fear warred inside Gray, making him stupid. “Why don’t you two just go?”
Gray watched as Mason’s expression went from shock to rage. “What the fuck?”
“I’ll be working nonstop until we catch this killer, so just go.”
“You think we’re going to take this trip without you? What are you saying, Gray?” Jack looked hurt, and Gray felt it in his chest. He needed to apologize and to exorcise this jealousy and fear, but he didn’t know how.
“I’m saying I don’t want to get in your way.”
“Get in our—what is wrong with you? This trip was supposed to be special, supposed to be about all of us being together.”
Gray looked away. “Yeah, I know.”
“Do you? Do you really?”
Gray didn’t want to fight, not really. He wanted to just hold them. “I had a bad night, okay? There were four fucking bodies in that house, Andreas and three teenage girls. I had to stand there and look at them. Then I went to meet a witness, a girl who doesn’t look more than sixteen, and she held a fucking gun on me.”
“Fuck, Gray.” Mason’s anger seemed to melt away.
Jack pulled back the covers. “Get in the fucking bed right now.”
Mason scooted over, making room in between them.
Thank God they weren’t pushing him away. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what…”
“You’re scared.”
“N—yes.” Gray hated admitting it.
Jack pulled Gray to him as he settled in the bed. Mason turned out the light and snuggled up on the other side of Gray. Did he really deserve these men who were so understanding? “I’m an ass.”
“Yeah, but we love you,” Jack said.
“I love you too. I… I’m a fucking mess right now.”
“This case would be hard on anybody, but for you…”
