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Or, she could say that she likes you, but isn’t looking for more than Hush.
I swept into the elevator, adjusting my mask like some warrior preparing for battle. Fear had ruled my life and decisions for far too long. No more. What was the worst that could happen? She’d tell me to put my mask back on? Doubtful. There was no way I’d misread her so spectacularly. I could feel her reaching for more from the moment she told me that she liked me more than she was ready to admit. That was when I began to face the fact that I felt the same, and was reaching and hoping for more too.
“Well hello, stranger.”
I’d barely noticed the couple in the corner of the elevator, focused on my own mission and leaving them to theirs. It was the brunette sub from Submissive’s Choice, the woman who’d approached me and thanked me when I intervened before Colin got out of hand. Even without the collar and the feline-like movements from that night, I would have remembered her because of her Cheshire grin.
She hung on the arm of a Dom who gave me the customary nod of acknowledgement. This was a sex club after all, that prided itself on discretion. There wasn’t a whole lot of chit chat in the elevator.
“Good evening,” I answered, dipping my head as well. That more than sufficed and I turned back to the front.
The brunette was looking for conversation. “I’ve requested you several times since Sub Night, but the hostess always says you’re unavailable.”
I didn’t glance over at her, out of respect to her Dom. I didn’t recognize the man from the brief hello we’d just shared, but since I had a willful sub of my own, I knew it was up to me to remind her of how things worked. How I worked. I wasn’t sure what their dynamic was, but I was sure that I hadn’t shown interest then, and I was definitely uninterested now.
“That’s right,” I said, any sort of geniality scrubbed from my voice.
She didn’t get the hint. “If you ever want to-ouch!” The smack was audible and I didn’t need to make out the words he growled into her ear to know that she had crossed some line...and he didn’t approve.
“Apologize for disturbing his evening and disrespecting your Dom,” he barked, loud and clear.
“I’m sorry for bothering you,” she said without hesitation, her low, timid voice a world away from the effusive, flirtatious lilt from a few moments ago. “And I’m sorry for disrespecting you, Sir.”
I had a feeling her apology was just the beginning of a night of atonement, but I forgot them both the moment the elevator hit my destination.
I moved down the hall with a purpose, tapping out the access code in a flurry. I opened the door and my jaw dropped.
Any sign of Sin had been left elsewhere. The woman in front of me had long, dark strands that dropped to her waist. She was wearing a emerald colored dress, the v neck cutting low in the front and giving me a tease of her milky skin, and the round curve of her lush breasts. But I didn't tarry in the erotic department. I was marveling over the fact that she wasn't wearing her usual costume of sex and secrets.
“You're not wearing a mask,” I whispered, more to myself than her. Her mask never covered all of her features, but now that there was nothing keeping my eyes from roaming over every inch of her face, it was clear to me just how beautiful she was, from her big blue eyes to her high cheekbones and her full lips. All of which didn't require a swipe of makeup to enhance or highlight or illuminate a thing. She glowed, heat racing across her cheeks when I took a step toward her.
“Sophia, you're gorgeous.”
She didn't preen like a woman that was used to being told that she was attractive and wore it like a beauty queen sash. Her eyes dropped to the floor and she fidgeted, picking at the side of her dress.
“Thanks.” She cleared her throat and slowly raised her eyes back up to me. “It's weird - you've seen me, like, every part of me and I feel more naked now than I ever did with all of my clothes tossed in a bundle on the floor.” She swept her hair behind her ear, making a face like she was already screwing up and she'd just begun. “Not my clothes. My roommate's clothes. This dress is mine though. One of like three. I wore it to my graduation a few years ago.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “And now I'm doing that blabber mouth thing. Sorry.”
I shook my head, beckoning her with a finger. “No apologies. Well, if you want to apologize for telling me to meet you here tonight instead of requesting my presence, feel free,” I added on a wink, just to show her how okay this all was, but her sheen was changing from red with embarrassment to green like she felt sick. “Sophia—I'm not angry. You sharing yourself with me, it's a gift. And it means more to me than I can express.”
She didn't move any closer, her delicate features hardening to porcelain. “That's just it, D.” She narrowed her eyes. “I mean, sure, I've worn a mask and a wig and itty bitty dresses, but you know more about me than I know about you. I even told you I liked you, and I'm pretty sure you like me too, but how do I know if it's because I'm a good lay or if it's because of me if we haven't done any more than this?” She gestured around us.
'This'.
Sex.
The sense of dejavu was enough to make me feel dizzy, lightheaded. There was some sick irony in the fact that I was standing here, with a woman I cared about, who was taking the first step and looking to me, hoping I'd take the next.
The void in my heart that was left when I lost Caity seemed big enough to swallow me whole. The old Desmond would have embraced that, made up some BS, and walked away from a woman I cared about, just to avoid the chance of being devastated. Vulnerable.
I knew that I was taking a risk. Telling her my story, letting her in, could very well blow up in my face. Hell, it could destroy my career if she decided to meet with one of the gossip mags that were constantly on the hunt to dig up juicy dirt on the famous and influential.
But I looked in her eyes and decided that falling for someone, letting them in, wasn't something you did halfway. You had to let go.
So I did.
The bed, and peeling off her clothes, seemed preferable to going back to that place, but I chose the couch in the sitting area instead. I gave no orders, but she followed me. I sat on one end, she sat on the other.
I thought sitting down would help the words come out, but they sat in my throat, choking me. I massaged the bridge of my nose, almost making some sort of joke. Prolonging the inevitable.
