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Mom ruffled my hair, a tiny smile on her lips when I swatted her hand away. “I won’t have you teaching our son your bad habits-”
“Permission to board, Captain?” Dad bellowed, slicing through Mom’s tirade. I glimpsed the first genuine smile I’d seen on his face in God knows how long when Grandpa stepped out onto the dock.
Grandpa should have looked as silly as we did with his navy blue and white linen pants, complete with a hat that had ‘CAPTAIN’ emblazoned on the tongue. But he was just my grandpa, a fit version of Santa Claus with rosy cheeks, a full white beard, a thick head of silver and white locks and an eternally sunny disposition that he definitely didn’t pass onto Mom. I’d planned on playing the role of brooding teenager, but I couldn’t help but smile as Grandpa pulled me in for a bone crushing hug. He smelled like tobacco and the butter mints that he used to sneak me before dinner when no one was looking.
“How are you doing, my boy?” he asked cheerfully, shining as bright as the sun that was beating down on us. Making sweat bead at my brow. The truth felt like the sky would fall down and crush me. This whole mess had taught me just how good I was at lying.
“I’m great, Gramps!” I clapped him on the back as he turned to Mom, pecking her on the cheek and making her blush. “Ready for Delilah’s maiden voyage!”
I told myself that sharing about Cassidy and ‘the thing’ would sour our trip. Today was about family. About celebrating my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary.
Following Dad’s lead and not talking about it was the right thing to do.
What was another lie on top of everything else?
~
“Why don’t I take Natalee on a quick tour and you can check and see if everything is ready?”
Lauren McDonald nudged me with her shoulder, the gentle smile on her wrinkled face reminding me that maybe the night could be salvaged.
I’d met the woman for the first time during my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary. It was the first time I’d boarded Delilah and I distinctly remembered oohing and ahhing in the entryway. My smile had dropped like a hot potato when I saw the stern looking woman with her harsh little bun and eyes that seemed to judge me before I opened my mouth. Lauren was Grandpa’s ‘first mate’, a Jill of all trades who was in charge of everything from the kitchen being stocked to managing the rest of the bare bones staff onboard.
Lauren and I hadn’t been on nudging terms back then, both of us cool and cordial. We’d come a long way. To a place where she could tell that the tense and awkward energy in the room would only be handled if she separated me and Natalee. That she’d offer help instead of shrugging and leaving me to drown.
It wouldn’t have taken very much to make me drop to the bottom of the ocean since Natalee looked eager for a reason to get the hell away from me.
“Because I think I was waiting for you, Natalee.”
What was I thinking sharing that sappy shit?
Natalee’s olive eyes shifted from my chin (since she still hadn’t looked me in the eye since I dropped the bomb), then dashed to Lauren, her cheeks darkening. “I’d love a tour!”
I tried to not take the diss personally, but it didn’t help when Lauren gave me a conciliatory pat on the shoulder. Like the pitiful little league team that went home with a participation trophy.
I peeled off my jacket and tossed it on the table in the entryway, pushing both hands through my hair and locking them behind my neck.
Did I really just utter some shit out of a movie? And not the kind of movie that I’d be caught dead at, with some teeth rotting, sticky sweet score, and everyone in the audience armed with Kleenex.
I just...
She just...
Her eyes. They said so much. Bared her very soul. Natalee worked so hard to not wear her heart on her sleeve and it made those piercing green eyes of hers that much more beautiful.
She couldn’t hide. She tried to, attempting indifference while she laid out her theory about the stream of women that swept in and out of these walls.
But there were none.
She was the first.
And I knew it was because she’d seen inside of the walls of me. Seen me at my ugliest—and she didn’t run. She had this spark of hope that I’d never experienced up close. And she made me want to dig deeper, to be vulnerable, because together-
The internal walls came rushing up to meet me, stopping that nonsense before it took root.
Because being vulnerable has worked out so well for you in the past, right?
I turned back to Plan A, not getting weird, going into the evening with no other expectations other than sweeping Natalee off her feet.
