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“Just over a year ago, I had a bit of a bender. I got behind the wheel of a car and drove myself home with absolutely no recollection of doing so the next day. I had never hated myself more. It was so unlike me that it made me rethink everything I had been doing. I stopped drinking more than a glass and only when I went out, and I stopped hanging around all the people that had been in my life at that time.” Tommy looked away from me then, like he couldn’t bear to see what I would think of him. “I could have killed someone that night.”
“Do you think your mom made her oatmeal cookies?” Luke asked me from the passenger seat. We were on our way to my parents’ house for dinner to celebrate the start of our senior year and our engagement. I didn’t want to tell him that my mom had made about six dozen oatmeal cookies for Luke or she would kill me.
“We’ll find out,” I told him, glancing over.
“Are you still good to go to the party on Saturday?”
“Sure.” This time, I turned my head all the way to look over at the beautiful man next to me. His smile set off fireworks inside me every time I saw it, and I would do anything in the world to keep seeing it, even if that meant going to a party I didn’t really want to be at. I kept my gaze on him for a moment longer, thinking I’m so in love with this man.
Then I heard the screech of tires. I snapped my head back to the road only to be blinded by lights that I realized were coming right at us.
“Maggie!”
And then everything went black.
“Maggie?”
I blinked when I realized that someone had said my name. When the world came back into focus, I was staring up into Tommy’s face.
“Where’d you go there?”
“What?” I asked as my body finally returned to normal. My heart had been racing and my breathing had gone shallow as I remembered the night that had changed everything for me.
“You went somewhere just now.” Tommy’s hands were moving up and down my arms, and I looked at them, realizing that they had probably been there for a minute or two.
“It was nothing.” I reached out to push the button and the elevator jerked back into motion. Tommy started to argue with me, but the doors opened and I practically ran out of them to avoid whatever it was he was going to say.
He was hot on my heels as I started to head back toward the employee parking lot. My legs were no match for Tommy’s long legs, however, and soon he was walking in pace next to me, his head swiveling around the parking lot.
“Which one is yours?”
“I don’t have a car,” I mumbled, trying to outrun the memory I had experienced.
“What do you mean you don’t have a car?” Tommy wasn’t going to let me shake him off.
“I don’t have a car.” I spoke a little firmer as I walked out of the parking lot to stop next to the bus stop. Tommy’s eyes swiveled between me and the sign before he pulled his keys out of his pocket.
“Where are you going?”
My eyes drifted closed as I let out a slow breath. None of this was Tommy’s fault. It wasn’t like he was behind the wheel that night. He was on the other side of the country. The person who should feel at fault was me. I was the one who actually had killed someone.
“Maggie . . .” Tommy’s voice had dropped to a whisper as he tried to keep me from drifting away again. My eyes slowly rose to meet his. If I wanted to avoid telling him what was going on in my head, I had one option.
“You want to take me where I’m going?” I asked.
“Yes. I don’t want you to have to ride the bus.”
“Then you’re coming with me to see my parents.” Without waiting for Tommy’s response, I turned on my heel and walked toward the player parking lot where his car would be parked.
Tommy stayed quiet as we got inside his car, and I wanted to kiss him for it. I most definitely did not want to tell him about that part of my life yet. The only time we spoke was when he asked me for my parents’ address, and then the rest of the ride was filled with the music from the speakers of his car.
The moment we turned down that familiar street, I felt all of the emotions I had been feeling slowly leave my body. It was like no matter what happened, home would always be a safe place. Tommy’s eyes took in the wraparound porch and the old swing. I could see him imagining a younger version of myself walking up those very steps in front of us.
“Come on,” I told him as I pushed out of his car.
He followed me up the stairs of my childhood home with his hands deep in his pockets as his eyes roamed everywhere, taking in every detail. My mom was in the kitchen, and my dad was nowhere to be found when we walked into the foyer.
It was as if I were looking at all of my mom’s decorations for the first time as my eyes scanned for anything embarrassing that Tommy would see.
