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“Good.” He nodded toward the dining room. “Let’s eat.”
We took seats across from each other at the dining table, and Ramon immediately brought us lunch, soup and salad with a fresh basket of bread. Then he returned a moment later, placing a small pizza between us.
“Ooh…pizza.” I grabbed a slice and put it on my plate before I even tried the salad.
“I knew you’d want something more substantial.” He gave me a slight smile before he took another bite of his salad.
The conversation was like pushing a boulder uphill, but we eventually reached flat ground, and everything became easier. We talked about the weather, my father’s new car, and the dinner he had with my uncle the other night. The tension ebbed as we finally stopped thinking about the night that had nearly gotten us killed.
“So…how are things at home?” He asked the question with averted eyes, his soup taking priority.
“It’s a really big place for two people. We don’t even visit the other parts of the house.” We had to take two flights of stairs andwalk down the hallway to reach the master suite, and it seemed so far away from everything else it was practically an island.
“He probably keeps it as an asset.”
“Maybe,” I said. “I hope you two have been getting along.”
My father took a drink of his wine.
They barely tolerated each other in my presence. I couldn’t imagine how they behaved in my absence. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“I’m all ears.” He set down his glass.
“After everything that happened…” I watched his eyes immediately flick away, like the mere suggestion was too much to swallow. “It makes me question this path, makes me wonder if this world is right for me.”
He overcame his discomfort and looked at me. “What do you mean?”
I already felt his disappointment. “I’m not cut out for this sort of thing.”
“How so?” He cocked his head slightly, his voice turning confident. “You killed one of them. Bashed another in the head with a chair.”
“And was nearly choked to death…”
“I just think you’re more capable than you realize.”
“If Axel hadn’t come, we’d both be dead.” Well, my father would be dead. Worse things would be happening to me.
His stare continued until he took a slow breath. “What happened was extremely unfortunate. But I told Axel that we needed to honor the ten percent instead of playing games. All of that could have been avoided.”
“Not everything can be avoided. Something else will happen someday…and I’m not prepared to deal with it.”
My father stared at me for a long time, those intelligent eyes drilling past the surface to the oil in my soul. “It’s okay to be scared?—”
“I’m not sure why I ever thought I could fill your shoes. I’m not sure why you thought it either. I’m an easy target, and everyone who sees me is going to want to strike. I don’t instill fear in my enemies the way Axel and Theo do.”
“Don’t let Axel manipulate you?—”
“He doesn’t manipulate me. This is how I feel, Dad.”
He turned quiet, grabbing his glass and taking a drink. He swirled it before he returned it to the table. “So what are you saying exactly?”
I couldn’t look at him as I said it. “I want out.” I focused on the textured wood of the table, the lines sealed under the protective wax that made the surface soft to the touch. Silence was heavy, and the gray sunlight that burned through the windows suddenly felt too bright.
My father was still.
When he said nothing, my gaze lifted to him again.
All he did was stare, his eyes heavy in thought. “Sometimes I wonder if he did this on purpose.”
