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“Of course,” I reply, pressing myself against him harder. “You can be as gentle or rough with me as you want.”
“I’d prefer to be gentle,” he says, his voice soft and breathy.
“However you want me, I’m yours.”
His lips find mine, kissing me slowly, taking his time to experience me without missing a detail.
I like this new pace. I’m able to enjoy him without rushing to the finish, and my body thanks me for it with warm ripples of visceral bliss. Every cell in my body is alive at Ivan’s touch, lighting up like bioluminescent plants and putting on a show for him.
My hairs stand up, little bumps appear on the surface of my arms, and I shudder as his lips move down to my neck. The heat of his mouth on my skin gives me a rush of excitement, like I’m eighteen again and receiving a hickey from a guy I have a crush on.
Whoever said your first love is your deepest was a damn liar. I’m so in love with Ivan that it hurts. I’ve turned into a masochist because I’m obsessed with the pain.
But the sensations running through my body as he picks me up and sets me down on the couch like I’m a precious piece of artwork are far from painful. Even though my heart feels like it’s on the verge of exploding from love, my body is tingling with the rawest form of pleasure possible to experience as a person.
Right now, I don’t even feel quite like a human being. I’m more like a goddess, and Ivan is my god, worshipping my body with his divine abilities, painting adoration across my unclothed skin.
I explore his chest as he straddles me, undoing the buttons on his shirt and tracing my fingers down the grooves between his tattooed muscles. Even though I’ve seen his tattoos so many times before, I always find new little details to examine when I look closely at them.
My fingers continue down to his abs, mesmerized by how defined they are despite his size. Normally, when a man is this big, he’s not all that lean, but Ivan is both lean and heavy, making his size only that much more impressive.
“I want to tell you something,” I say, my heart slamming in my chest as my hands idle around his belt area.
“Anything,” he replies, his eyes meeting mine with a hint of knowing. It’s like he can see into my mind, already approving of what I’m about to say.
But I have to get the words out. I can’t just leave them assumed and unspoken.
“I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” I begin, testing his reaction first before getting into the thick of what I’m about to admit. It so simple, yet so heavy and difficult to get out of my mouth.
He leans back, studying me with a curious expression. “You’ve contributed more than you realize, Lily.”
“Maybe,” I reply with a nervous laugh. “But that’s nothing compared to what you’ve done. I just want to say thank you.”
He smiles, but he knows I’m not finished. He stares at me blankly until I continue.
“Well, there’s also something else,” I say, looking away from his face. My eyes wander down his chest and abs again, and ultimately, I find myself staring at my own two hands. I wish I could use them to hand the words to Ivan, like a nervous high schooler handing a piece of paper to her crush two seats in front of her in class.
I force myself to look into Ivan’s eyes as I say the next few words. “I love you, Ivan.”
He blinks a few times, his eyes watering with the hint of tears. He opens his mouth but closes it again as he fails to respond.
My heart is thundering in my chest, pounding so hard against my ribs that it aches. I’m dying for a response, but he’s not giving any. I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake the words out of him, but it’s only been a few seconds. He deserves a chance to process what I just said to him.
“Lily,” he says, placing his hand over my heart and feeling the quickness of its beat. He smiles. “You’re much braver than I’ve been. I wanted to tell you before, but I was afraid.”
“I can hardly believe you’re capable of being afraid. You’re the strongest person I know.”
He chuckles, shaking his head in a bashful sort of way. “That’s far from the truth. You’re the strong one, Lily.”
He still hasn’t returned my sentiments, and it’s making me even more nervous. Did I speak too soon? Does he think I’m brave but foolish?
Too eager?
Possibly even insane?
“I love you too,” Ivan says, his words leaving his mouth with such a warm confidence that it’s impossible not to feel a sudden rush of relief.
I exhale the breath I’d been holding since I spoke, laughing it out as I slump back down into a relaxed position below him on the couch. “I want you to make love to me this time,” I say, my eyelids drooping as I feel an incredible warmth throughout my body. “I want to feel your love inside of me.”
