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“Who said anything about sex?” he asks, flipping the script on me.
My face flushes, and I feel like a fool. “Oh, um, I thought you wanted to…”
He chuckles. “Yes, my dear, but not in the traditional sense. I’d like tonight to be about you, about your pleasure. We should celebrate your initiation into the Bratva.”
“Oh,” I reply as we enter the hallway. I’m pleasantly surprised by his suggestion, a wave of excitement rolling through me. I wonder what he has planned, what ways he intends to give me pleasure without actually having sex.
“Trust me, darling, you’re going to like this. Have you ever had an orgasm under the stars?” he asks, his voice a deep purr in the back of his throat.
I think for a moment, but there’s not much inventory to go through in my mind. I haven’t had the most exciting sex life. Hooking up with Ivan was the most exciting thing I’ve ever done.
“I’ve not done much of anything outside, to be honest,” I say as he pulls me toward a sliding glass door.
“Great, then it’ll be a wonderful new experience for you,” he says, sliding the door open.
A rush of cool floral air rushes to greet me. It’s sweet like honeysuckle, and fresh like it just rained. I close my eyes as I step outside with Ivan, taking in the beautiful smells as they envelop me.
It takes me way back in time, to a little place in my childhood where I felt safe. That was before I realized how awful my parents were, before I even knew that there was a right and wrong way to be. I was truly innocent then, concerned only with the present moment, high on life in the most divine way possible.
There was a garden behind my grandparent’s house, a little retreat that felt huge to me because of how small I was. When we visited them in the summer months, I would run back behind the house, overwhelmed by the beautiful flowers and crickets chirping in the evening.
My parents always fussed at me for picking the flowers, but my grandmother never complained when she was handed a big, sloppy bouquet from her own garden. She said the flowers were there to be enjoyed.
Tonight, I have no urge to pick the flowers and ruin Ivan’s gorgeous garden, but I do intend on enjoying them as they were meant to be enjoyed.
My eyes flutter open, and I look around at the dark bushes ripe with hundreds of flowers. Every color is present, like a garden from a dream. I laugh a little from sheer awe. “This can’t be real,” I whisper.
“It’s very real. I’ve spent years putting this place together,” Ivan says, motioning to all the plants. “Take your shoes off. Feel the grass between your toes, darling, and tell me this isn’t paradise.”
I slip out of my shoes, leaving them behind as I wander forward. The grass is cool beneath my feet, slightly damp but in a pleasant way, like it’s been watered regularly, and the soil isn’t all dried out.
My toes wriggle into the ground, feeling the solid earth beneath me. After all the instability following Dimitri’s death, it feels good to have something solid in my life. Mother earth will always take care of me, even when I’m finally six feet under.
“It’s a clear night,” Ivan says, walking up slowly behind me.
I turn to see him looking up at the starts.
“Orion is just there,” he says, pointing at the inky black sky.
I follow his finger to the sky, marveling at how clear the stars are out here. I’ve been in the city my whole life, and the streetlights make it impossible to see the sky clearly, even when there aren’t any clouds.
On Ivan’s estate, there’s no interference, and the stars sparkle like glitter in the sky. It’s incredible how many there are. The longer I look, the more I see, and I get chills thinking about how small we really are on this planet.
One little dot amongst trillions of others, and I’m worried about the consequences of being in the Bratva. What morals can exist in a universe so grand? What great judgement can I expect for the life I’m living?
I breathe the air deeply, grateful just to be alive. I haven’t felt grateful for my life in a long time. I’ve been grateful for people like Dimitri and Ivan, and for having a roof over my head and food in my belly, but life has never really felt like it was worth much…
Until now.
I look back at Ivan with a smile stretched from cheek to cheek. “It’s just incredible, isn’t it?”
He nods. “I look at them every night, thinking how many planets there must be. I’m certain there are people just like us somewhere out there, living a very similar life.”
“I never thought about that,” I say, looking up again. “Do you think they’re also about to have a little fun under the stars?”
Ivan’s laugh is pure and loud in the stillness of the night. “Yes, I do believe they are.”
“Then we’d better hurry up and join them,” I say, feeling a flutter in my belly at the thought of being intimate with Ivan again. I’m a little shy, but the reward is worth all the butterflies and nerves.
