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I shouldn’t have given into temptation the other night. I’m leading her on to believe I can be that for her, and I’m not sure I can. Or should.
Astrid deserves better than that.
Maybe I just need to distance myself for a little bit. I think she would understand that. She gets busy and under stress at work too, I’m sure she’ll understand.
CHAPTER 26
ASTRID
I’m confused because before Sean left for the first few games, we seemed to be building a connection. Then he was stressed, and then we were back to normal. But now he’s more distant than ever. Because of my past failed relationships, it’s difficult to distinguish the cause of his behavior. Is it truly hockey that has him acting this way? Or is he second guessing me?
I no longer know what to believe and it’s eating me alive. I wish he’d just talk to me instead of leaving me to stew over what we are or aren’t.
The anxious energy makes it hard to stay still. It makes it hard to do anything, actually. The only thing keeping me together is running. I never thought I would say I’m a runner. I’m not what I would’ve considered built for the sport. But every morning he doesn’t show up, that internal struggle keeps me tying my shoes and heading outside. Even as the weather changes, and the cold fall rain begins to turn to snow and ice.
Fall is gone overnight. It’s weird to get used to cold weather running. The air hurts my lungs the first few times. There is snow on the yards. Most gone from the road, but a lot on the sidewalk, forcing me more often than not to jump onto the road.
I didn’t bring my headphones today. Or my phone. It’s a short run, and I’m in desperate need to work through the tangle of thoughts inside my head.
There were probably signs I should’ve seen. He’s a professional athlete. I don’t know a lot about professional athletes, but I know enough that I should’ve thought twice before kissing him, let alone sleeping with him.
How did I let this go so far? I know better than to sleep with someone. I fall too fast.
The Glades is more beautiful covered in fresh white snow, something I didn’t think was possible. The turrets and brick of the houses I pass stand out against the pretty winter landscape. It is like something out of a holiday card.
The sidewalk ahead hasn’t been shoveled yet. I go to cross the street, it looks better on the other side of the curb. I place my foot on a patch of grass, and my other foot hits a spot of ice.
I know I’m about to fall before it happens. The ground slips out from underneath me, and my stomach lurches. I throw out my arm on instinct, trying not to reinjure my ankle, but my wrist takes all of the impact, sending white, hot pain shooting up my forearm.
Silent tears slip down my cheeks. It hurts. The shock of pain immediate. I’m freezing and tired and scared and alone, and for some reason I can’t get myself up. The snow-covered ground seeps into my thin running pants and I shiver. I can't feel the backs of my thighs anymore.
I didn’t bring my phone because today was supposed to be a short, easy run. More tears fall as I try and pick myself up with my good hand. My thighs are shaky, not from the physical effort, but from the deep chill that’s set in.
Embarrassed and alone, I walk back to the house, tears freezing to my skin as I go, cradling my wrist against my body.
I hate myself for it, but a part of me thinks that Sean will come save me. I glance around before I can correct myself. There are no cars, no people out today. Just me.
And this time, no one is coming to save me.
CHAPTER 27
SEAN
It’s the weekend. Finally. Which means that there is no practice today. And to celebrate, I treat myself by sleeping in. I must have needed it too because I slept for ten hours. I yawn as I stretch my arms above my head. It’s not often that I get to sleep so much. I feel good. So good.
Until I walk into the kitchen. I stop dead in my tracks as my eyes sweep the room. Sitting at the island, with tears streaked down her face, is Astrid, who is also nursing her wrist, which she tries to wrap in a bandage.
Oh no.
“What did you do?” I ask, my panic rising. My voice comes out harsher than I intend, and I regret it when she winces. Shit. I run a hand over my face, rushing to her side.
“I went running,” she says. Her bottom lip quivers slightly and I want to die. The unspoken words hit me hard.
I went running without you.
She went running and because I have been too busy for her, she hurt herself.
This is all my fault. God, she looks so sad. “Let me help,” I say. I stand beside her, carefully touching her arm.
