AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I watch as she climbs onto the stool and unzips her backpack on the table.
“Why don’t you unpack over there,” I tell her, pointing to the living room. “We’re about to have dinner.”
She climbs down and does as I ask. She’s a good kid. She doesn’t really complain, those aren’t the kinds of problems I deal with as a parent. In some ways, that makes me feel very lucky. Her worst behavior is that she forgets to put things away or gets distracted. Judging by most parents’ struggles, I have it easy.
But that just means that the problems I do have with Violet are more serious. The silent kind. Like when she goes a long time without wanting to talk. Or when she doesn’t like to play with the other kids, when she stops wanting to socialize.
All the problems she’s inherited from me.
So days like this, when she comes home from school all excited, I make sure to be as engaged as possible, even as I stick the pre-made casserole into the oven and start preparing a side salad.
I hear the garage door open and then close, telling me that Astrid is home now too.
“Hi,” Astrid’s voice calls from the hallway a moment later.
My heart beats a little faster. “We’re in here,” I say, loudly, so that she’ll hear me. “We’re getting dinner ready.” I hate the way I can feel my pulse beat beneath my skin.
“And Dad, we did book reports in class,” Violet continues talking from the living room.
I listen to every word she says as I set up for dinner, setting out three plates and three sets of silverware.
“And Dad,” she says, nearly breathless from her nonstop monologue, “the teacher said it was the best book report in the class.”
“Violet, that’s great. I’m so proud of you.”
Violet smiles, taking a seat at the table. “Astrid helped me.” She looks over to Astrid, who’s just walked into the room.
“Oh?” I look over at Astrid, but she just shrugs.
“It was Violet that put it all together.” She looks at Violet with so much pride.
I didn’t realize they had bonded so much.
“Thank you,” I whisper to her as I set down her plate. I don’t know what to make of this. Astrid helped her. My chest swells. “I uh, I know Violet likes you, but I don’t want you to feel pressured to do that. I know you spend all day helping kids…” I don’t know how to communicate my gratitude so that’s all I can come up with.
“It is alright. We had fun.” She beams.
That constriction in my chest tightens around my heart.
“I like helping her. She’s so smart.”
“She is, isn’t she? I think she gets it from me.”
Astrid rolls her eyes, but that smile stays on her face.
We eat dinner with continued commentary of school. I like to listen to Violet, but I don’t always know what questions to ask. I want her to take pride in being smart, but I don’t want to make it seem like that’s the only way I’ll be proud of her. She is really smart though. It’s a delicate balance encouraging her while also letting her know that it is okay to fail at something or even change her mind at what she likes.
It's hard in general to be a parent. I run a hand through my hair.
Thank god for Astrid. She seems to know what to say and allows me the chance to just nod and agree with her or listen to her questions. And she goes out of her way to better understand her world.
I can’t remember the last time I even helped Violet with a project.
Maybe I could be doing better. I move around my food with my fork. Am I not doing enough for Violet? Self-doubt pushes through my mental barrier the moment I entertain it.
“Do you have any more homework, princess?” I could start making a better effort to check in on that. She’s just usually so self-determined, I guess I don’t think to ask.
“No, I finished it all,” she says. Of course she did.
