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“Better? Not sure. But I can handle it.”
“Did you go there?” Zeke asks.
I nod. It’s the only place I go. My mother’s beaming smile as she watches other people’s children brutalized in ungodly ways. I always see her. But oddly, it isn’t the torture that makes my stomach churn. What damages me the most is my mother's joy as she watches the horror before her.
I shudder at the memory. I want to scrub it from my brain, but I never can. I try to focus on the comfort of Zeke’s arm instead of the horrified cries of the children burned into my memory.
I shut my eyes, concentrating on Zeke’s touch and the warmth of his deep voice.
My eyes fly open, and a vivid blue eye captures mine. Zeke’s face is scrunched with concern, marring his Hollywood star looks. He’s so handsome. It’s a pity he doesn’t realize the truth of his beauty. He believes the eye patch detracts from his attractiveness, but it only adds to it. An air of danger on the most angelic face I’ve ever seen.
“Fuck,” Azadeh mumbles, rushing to my side. Tears well in her deep brown eyes. “Lev, I’m sorry.”
She’s apologizing to me? I’m the idiot who kidnapped her sister and lost her because I couldn’t vocalize my needs like a normal person. Mona is in danger because of me. Azadeh should be slitting my throat, not kneeling by my side, crying. The capacity of love in her heart is inconceivable. Her limitless kindness consumes me. Her sweet soul pushes me to the brink of madness.
“You’re the air I breathe, Azadeh,” I whisper so low that I’m not sure she hears me. “You can’t fault a man for doing what’s necessary to keep his life safe.”
My words are a half-truth because my actions aren’t solely to protect her; they’re about my obsession with her—an obsession that borders on sickness.
An obsession that disgusts even me.
Chapter 16
Lev—Age 23
The Manor
Ihad no clue why I kept the manor. The place was a haunted hell of brutal memories and horror. I longed to strip bare and drain every ounce of my parents' DNA from my body. But since that wasn’t possible, I erased their essence from the house they’d loved. I hired a company and used the money I inherited from the animals to eliminate their presence. The house had morphed from an ancient mausoleum into a modern haven.
I gazed at the state-of-the-art surveillance system. A camera covered each room, every hallway, corner, and inch of land. I’d set them up for safety, that little boy inside me still paranoid about the boogeyman coming to get me. But that all changed the night I saw Azadeh naked in her bed.
Many beautiful women had been written about in history. Some caused the downfall of empires. Others the beheading of great rulers. I’d always dismissed those tales as fodder spun by misogynistic men who feared the fairer sex. But as I gazed at Azadeh’s sleeping form, her large breasts rising and falling in a slow rhythm, I knew I would do anything for one taste. The only problem was that my broken and battered mind wouldn’t allow anything to come to fruition in a healthy way.
I envied how Zeke, Cyrus, and Azadeh touched each other. How they physically demonstrated their love and connection was a foreign entity to me. Something peculiar and strange to my genetic makeup. The idea of one of them accidentally grazing my flesh made my skin crawl and my mind recoil. When Zeke and I worked on my issues with touch, it was controlled. I knew what was coming and prepared for it, but I wasn’t at a place where it was remotely natural to be touched by another.
I didn’t know why I left the surveillance room and walked to Azadeh’s door that night. The yearning to be close to her overpowered all my logic. My actions were devoid of moral credibility, but I didn’t care. My hands shook as I grabbed the gold handle and twisted, opening her bedroom door. I could’ve stopped there. Had I done so, I wouldn’t have gained an addiction that would plague me for years to come. A burning desire that I would never rid myself of and would push me to more disgusting acts.
I scanned the room. Perfectly clean and painfully minimalist, it was like a vacant space housing someone for a night. A pit stop on her journey to her final destination.
Azadeh slept peacefully as I crept into the room and walked toward her in the center of the king-size bed. My fingers itched to touch her long black hair, which fanned over the pillow. A fucking angel tempting the devil himself. Closing my eyes, I inhaled the soft scent that was distinctively hers, infiltrating the room. Jasmine. A sweet floral note with a hint of a deadly musk. I smiled at how perfectly her perfume captured her personality. My sweet Azadeh, who could slice open a man’s throat without blinking.
The blanket shifted, exposing her bare leg. Her thick, silky-soft thighs were a glimpse into the untold universe of pleasure her body offered. A world I’d never allow myself to access in the light of day. But at night, under the shroud of shadow and the shimmering moonlight filtering through the window, my situation transformed, offering enticement wrapped in a shiny red bow.
I glanced at the clothes discarded by the bed. A crimson t-shirt, black pants, and…undergarments. A black satin bra with matching boy-cut shorts. Of course, Azadeh wouldn’t be a thong girl. She was too practical for barely there scraps of fabric.
I bent and picked up the underwear, holding it in my hand. There was something primitive about holding a piece of cloth that had touched her most sensitive flesh. Raising the garment to my face, I inhaled her scent, letting it drown my lungs and take over my mind. I loathed the reality that made pathetic moments like these all I would ever have of her. I was a bystander to my existence.
The duvet shifted again, exposing more of her alluring flesh. What would she taste like? Would the touch of her skin burn like I’d conjured in my mind, or would it be a salve that healed my mangled heart? During all the years I’d known Azadeh, I’d never dreamed of a moment when I could be with her without battling the fortress my mind had built to protect me.
I had a profound understanding that my desires were fundamentally wrong. I knew as I reached out to touch her flesh that I was giving in to darkness. But what was someone to do when the only thing that could bring them salvation was giving in to their base needs? I’d lived in damnation my entire existence. I understood that when I died, my soul would rot in the fiery pits of hell. But for one moment, I longed for a reprieve from the ravenous demons roaring in my soul.
I pressed Azadeh’s underwear to my nose and inhaled again, submerging myself in what I longed for most in the world before stuffing them in my pants pocket like a pervert. But the need to down myself in her wasn’t satiated. I wanted more.
Moving my eyes from her sleeping, I saw the bottle of Benadryl on the nightstand. My desperate need for her drove my next thought. I lifted the cover, exposing her slightly parted legs. I took in her pretty pink pussy, and my mouth watered at the thought of one small taste. I knew what I was about to do was wrong, but I did it anyway.
Falling to my knees, I moved closer to her core, placing my nose against her. Fuck, her scent was far sweeter when inhaled from the source. I pressed my face closer to paradise. The panties in my pocket were cut cocaine, but her cunt was pure fish scale. Addicts would kill for one taste.
I rubbed my nose between her pussy lips. Part of me was afraid she’d open her eyes, and terror would spark in those perfect molten dark brown eyes. When she continued to slumber, my bravery peaked. Using my fingers, I parted her, sliding the tip of my tongue along her sensitive flesh. Fuck! Her intoxicating flavor tantalized my taste buds. I knew I was done for. A profound knowledge seeped into every fiber of my being—this would be my dirty little secret and something I’d never be able to abstain from.
