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Azadeh’s face scrunched as if she were pondering how to salvage an uncomfortable situation. I wanted to kick my ass for being so awkward around her. How hard would it be to simply say, “I’m sorry about your mom, Azadeh.”
“Az!” Cyrus and Zeke shouted in unison as they barreled out of the elevator to where Azadeh and I were standing.
Zeke rushed to her and wrapped his arms around her. Azadeh placed her head on his shoulder, trembling as she fisted the back of his hoodie. Another pang of jealousy festered in my soul at how easy it was for Zeke to comfort her.
Zeke rubbed her back and cooed in her ear, “It’s okay, Princess. It’s all gonna be okay.”
“They’ve gotta be able to do something, right?” Cyrus demanded, fidgeting with the platinum zippo in his hand.
“Are you fuckin’ crazy playing with that here?” I growled.
Cyrus eyed the hospital staff to see if anyone was watching his stupidity. He glared at me for a moment before the left side of his lips curled up in one of those idiotically charming smiles. “Don’t worry. I’m not suicidal,” he said as he flipped the zippo open and closed. “I won’t ignite it. Wouldn’t want us to blow up or anything.”
Azadeh laughed at Cyrus, and a hundred-pound weight lifted off my chest. I was happy he’d put a smile on her face, but I couldn’t help wishing it was me who’d done it.
Zeke kept his arm around her shoulders and tucked her against him protectively. “How’s your maman?”
Azadeh inhaled a shaky breath as if desperate to hold her tears at bay. “She’s dying, Ezekiel. She’s dying, and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t even afford to get her a private room away from the loud woman. Her insurance only covered semi-private, and when we checked, the prices of a private room started at ten thousand a night. Dariyus says he can get the money, but I have no idea what he’d have to do to get it, and I don’t want my mother’s last thoughts of her son to be disappointment.”
Azadeh buried her face in her hands and gently sobbed. The only emotion her sorrow forced out of me was irrational anger. I was tired of life constantly dealing blow after blow to the people I cared about and my ingrained inability to express sympathy or any attempt at comfort. I couldn’t stand by and listen to her wail when I was too helpless and pathetic to do anything for her.
So I walked away.
Chapter 5
Lev—Age 30
Present Day
The sting from Azadeh’s hand lingers on my cheek. I suppose I should be glad it wasn’t her right hook. Azadeh punches like a heavy-weight boxer.
Her chest heaves, and her eyes blaze fury at me. I’ll need to sleep with one eye open tonight. The fury is nothing new. Azadeh has never looked at me with softness, even when I stepped up and did right by her. But it’s okay because I don’t need her to love me as long as I have her near me.
If only she’d come home one month earlier. But instead of coming here between jobs like she has for the last ten years, she decided to take up residency with the Cinders—three brothers known for barbaric cruelty and ruthlessness. She’d rather take a job with them than come home and be with us.
I’d had to free her from the grip of Alaric and his two psycho brothers. My methods may not have been tasteful, but my reasons were sound.
I adjust the knot of my tie, suddenly feeling like it’s strangling me. “You hungry, Azadeh? I don’t know if they have anything of true sustenance at that debauchery club where you work.”
Azadeh glares at me. “I always knew you were a little fucked, Lev, but now I have confirmation that you’re a fucking psychopath.”
If those words were spoken by a stranger, they wouldn’t garner a reaction because they would be meaningless. But those taunting words coming from Azadeh’s mouth—words from my past uttered to grind me into dust—are like a serrated blade cutting into my flesh. For the first time in my life, her words wound. “Since you believe me to be a psycho, Azadeh, and you’re well aware of what I’m capable of, perhaps you should refrain from poking the bear.”
Azadeh bares her teeth, her lips curling as she tugs against Zeke’s tight hold. After a moment of fruitless struggling, she latches onto Zeke’s arm with her mouth.
“Fuck!” Zeke yells, abandoning his hold on her waist. “You fuckin’ bit me. Jesus, Az! What the hell has gotten into you?”
Azadeh’s eyes flicker as she notices the trickle of blood gliding down Zeke’s forearm, and her anger dissipates.
She gently takes his arm, remorse evident on her elegant face. Her teeth are no longer bared. Her eyes are back to their soft brown, and her fingers trail his flesh with tenderness. “Zeke, I’m so sorry.”
A pang of jealousy churns in my heart like a tornado poised to destroy everything in its path. A part of me longs for her gentle touch, to experience the sensations the brush of her fingertips gliding along my skin would evoke.
But you won’t let her.
The pesky voice whispers in the back of my mind, reminding me that the current status of my relationship with Azadeh is my fault.
Shoving my intrusive thoughts away, I pack them tightly in the many compartments I’ve forged in my fragile mind. I push through with the long-held steadfast resolve that all my shortcomings shouldn’t matter, at least not for her. Azadeh always sees past everyone’s monsters, ready to put her fears aside to discover the shred of goodness buried deep in a person’s soul. But she’s always been too frightened to sit with my demons. All she’s ever offered me is civil tolerance.
