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That’s a relief. I was worried that we came on too strong.
I don’t know, things just seem natural with you, I guess.
It's really beautiful up there, Scar. Thank you for sharing it with us.
ME
Of course! Anytime you want me to take you guys up there, just say the word.
DACRE
Sounds like a date
I can’t help the feeling of butterflies in my stomach at the last text.
ME
Yes it is
DACRE
<3 <3
Before I can stop myself, I let out the most girly, high pitched squeal. I slap my hand over my mouth but I knew I was too late. Grace’s head snaps to mine and her face lights up.
“What in the fuck was that sound?” Her face slowly morphs into a shit eating grin.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I shake my head, pursing my lips and attempting to act natural but it is a complete fail.
“Don’t fool me Miss Smith. I know you.” Her eyes drop down to where I have my phone clutched to my chest. “Who was it?” She prods. “One of those American boys?”
“No, no… Ah, it was… Umm…” I stammer, attempting to find some kind of excuse but give up. I know when to give in. Grace is too persistent. I reluctantly hand my phone over to show her the text thread.
She lets out an evil chuckle. “I fucking told you! A date!”
I hide my head in shame. “And love heart emojis! Oh girl! They have got it bad!” She launches herself off the bed, and begins dancing around the room chanting, “I was right! Scars got a harem!” She then bends down and hoists me up, shaking my arms around to get me to dance with her. I give in immediately. The giddy feeling of seeing his texts overcoming me.
We flop down onto the bed after our little celebratory dance break. I blow out a deep breath. That feeling of doubt invading my thoughts.
“What is it?” Grace prompts.
“It's just hard to believe that they would even be interested in me. Have you seen them? They are fucking carved from Gods or some shit.”
“Don’t sell yourself so short Scar.” Grace says, rolling over to face me as she rests her head on her hand. “You are fucking stunning. They would be blind to not see that.”
I mimic Grace’s position. “It's just so hard not to feel that way.”
While I may theoretically be every guy's type on paper, no guy has ever shown any genuine interest in me. I’ve had one too many offers of guys that just want to get lucky, but I just want a genuine connection. Maybe one day, a root and boot might be on the cards but for right now, I want something real. It's hard to let down my guard in the hopes that what I felt today with the guys is just that, real, and not just a ploy for them to get ass.
“No, fuck that Scar. You need to have confidence in yourself. These men are interested in you. You!” She shouts. “I’m not blowing smoke up your ass when I tell you that you are one of the most beautiful people I know. Shit, the boys regularly talk about how gorgeous you are.” I lift an eyebrow at her.
“What? It's true.”
“I’m just so scared to explore it. What if they don’t feel the same way and this connection that I feel to them is just their way of getting some?”
“If it is, at least you will be getting some.” She throws back at me and I know she is right.
“Ugh fine. But this shit is giving me more anxiety than I need right now. I groan, burying my head into the mattress.
