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“You didn’t do anything. It’s just…this situation is too risky. We knew that, sure, but I did a lot of thinking, and I just can’t be the reason something happens to Elijah when this all blows up in our faces. My dad was just here.”
Liv points at the floor with an aggressive jerk of her thumb.
“If he would have come in during this weekend’s…activities. If he saw us together. If your ex did. There’s just too much at risk.”
My brain can’t entirely process what she’s saying. It’s like everything is moving in slow motion but also going at lightspeed.
I see Liv’s eyes go glassy, and she swallows hard before blinking several times.
“It will hurt your career. It’ll hurt mine. And you’ve already done so much to ensure Elijah is happy. We can’t let this be the reason all that work is for nothing.”
I want to reach for her. I want to provide some level of comfort because anyone can tell she’s upset.
But I don’t.
I just nod and let myself imagine what it would be like to lose Elijah. She’s right. This just can’t work.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I’m still nodding as my eyes fall to the floor. “You’re right.”
“I love Elijah, and I still want to be there to help you guys. But we have to keep it professional, okay?”
My eyes sting, and I’m not totally sure the pain in my chest isn’t a heart attack.
“Okay.”
I can’t bring myself to look up at her, so Liv just leaves. I hear the front door close behind her, and I just stand in the kitchen for a few minutes, alone.
Feeling like my whole world just came crashing down.
Chapter 23
Olivia
The familiar routine of taking Elijah to school, later tucking him in at night, followed by going home becomes a steady pulse over the next few days.
Noah is still working day and night on his Hawaii deal, but after everything, he’s maintaining his distance. We’re cordial and professional every time we interact, and the burning behind his eyes as he looks at me stays at a low smolder.
I hate every second of it.
It’s been about three weeks now since that first time he took me in his office, and I want so badly to go back in there with him. But maintaining our friendship, hearing about Noah’s day, and playing with Elijah each night helps to soften the ache, though.
Nannying is always a tricky tightrope to walk because you fall in love with the families you help, but you’re not exactly a part of them. I’m used to that challenge, however, and I lean into the years of compartmentalization that have helped me get through it before.
As I wake up to get ready for work on this cool Friday morning, my stomach churns like nothing I’ve ever felt. Tiredness and tummy issues have been dogging me for a few days now, and I hope I’m not coming down with something.
I stand from my bed, and the whole world spins, last night's dinner surging through me to make an unexpected appearance.
Dashing to the toilet, I get there just in time to empty the contents of my stomach. The tile under me is cool, which feels incredible right now, and I push myself up once I’m sure I’m done.
At the sink, I rinse my mouth out with water and then try to brush my teeth, but as soon as I go for my back molars, I’m gagging again.
“What the hell?”
I’m totally drained, but I can’t be late to pick up Elijah. There’s a water bottle by my bed, so I take a few slow sips, and everything seems to calm back down.
“That was weird.”
Getting to Noah’s on time is a bit of a challenge after this morning’s detour, and as I step inside, Noah has his phone in his hands.
