Page 114 of Nanny for the Grump


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“Well, it doesn’t feel that way.” I stretch in my chair. “How about you take a turn carrying this thing around for a while?”

“Oh, babe.” He kisses my forehead. “I would if I could.”

The rest of the shower passes by in a flurry of ridiculous games where everyone has to eat baby food, which I opt out of, pin a cloth diaper on a stuffed animal, and guess the price of common baby items.

A lot has changed since the two existing parents in the room have had kids, so no one gets any of the answers right.

After that, I open presents. There are tons of things I never thought about needing, like a baby grooming kit that comes with special nail clippers. Dad also got us and something called an Owelet Smart Sock that lets us monitor the baby at naptime and at night.

I look at Becca, who picked out the majority of the gifts.

“You went overboard.”

“It’s my money. I’ll spend it how I want.” She shrugs. “I may also not have had any idea what to get, so I went with everything.”

We laugh, and Noah comes over with the grooming kit.

“I just bit them off when Elijah was a baby.” He points to the nail clippers. “I think I’d be too afraid of cutting the baby.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” I pat him on the shoulder. “But look at that nose sucker thing. That looks super useful.”

“Yeah, I remember using one of those on Elijah a lot. Babies have a lot of snot, if I recall.”

Laughter erupts again, and it continues throughout the party until it’s time for this momma-to-be to get home. Sleeping has become all I want to do, and incredibly hard to accomplish.

Pregnancy insomnia and fatigue are kicking my ass.

We say our goodbyes, and my dad gets all teary-eyed in the process. Noah drives me and Elijah back to the house. We tuck in the amazing kid, and he blows my mind like he always does by saying he hopes whoever his new sibling is that they’ll love him as much as he loves them.

It’s my turn to get teary about that one, and Noah gives Elijah a hug so big I worry he’ll crack a rib.

“You’re going to crush him.” I laugh. “Thank you, Elijah. I know they will.”

I put my feet up on the couch when we get back downstairs, and Noah brings in the shower gifts. The boxes and bundles take up the entire dining room table, and I start considering how I’m going to have to rearrange the nursery.

“So I think I’ll have to change how I have the drawers laid out. I want the actual baby supplies to be near the changing table so I don’t have to go anywhere to get them. I don’t want the baby to roll off the table or something.”

“I know, hon. You’ve talked about it before, at length.”

He makes another trip outside, and I don’t look up from my phone as he returns.

“Oh, look, there’s one of those over-the-door hanging organizers at Target. It’s so much nicer than the other one we looked at. I’m adding this to our list.” I click back to the registry screen. “A lot of the stuff has been checked off, though. We’re doing good. Car seat, stroller, waterproof crib liner. I think we just need the small stuff.”

I hear Noah sit down on the coffee table across from me and look over. He’s holding a small black box.

“I think you forgot one.”

Sitting up, I reach for the shiny box. “Oh, shit. Who do you think it’s from?”

“I don’t know. Just open it.”

I shrug and then pull the long black ribbon holding two sides closed. As I do, a flurry of paper butterflies soars out of the containers all around me.

After jumping from surprise, I laugh and look up at Noah.

“Did you do this?”

He loves making me jump, so I have to assume.

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