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MIA
Ace hasn’t let me even an arm’s length away since we left the site of the accident, with Rayne and Storm telling us they’d deal with the bodies and the car.
I’m still not entirely sure if I’m numb to the situation I’m in, or if I actually feel no remorse for killing someone, but either way, my mind feels quieter than it has in years.
The constant fear I’ve felt, the horrors that have continued to haunt me for all these years, the sadness and dread I had when I thought I would be forced to go back to that life.
It’s all gone, and the peace is better than I ever could have hoped for.
Ace leads me into the bathroom off my bedroom and turns the shower on, testing the water until he’s happy with the temperature before turning his attention back to me.
He reaches for me, and I don’t stop him as he drags his blood-stained shirt from my body. I wish I at least had more clothing on during this ordeal, but I guess I’ve been in worse situations wearing less.
He doesn’t pause as he drops into a crouch and carefully pushes my panties down my legs and carefully helps me out of them. The tenderness he’s showing me is so at odds with the man he shows the rest of the world, and it makes my heart burst with love for him.
I’ve always been grateful for Ace and the care he’s shown me, but right now, it feels like so much more.
He makes quick work of his own clothes, shoving his sweatpants down his legs and reaching behind him to tug his shirt off in one fluid movement, leaving his perfect, tattooed body on display for me.
“Don’t look at me like that, sugar.” He smirks.
“Like what?” I ask innocently, my voice hoarse from the tears I’ve shed.
“Like you’re thinking of all the ways you want to fuck me.”
I shake my head, but the smile playing on my lips gives me away. That’s exactly what I was thinking.
Ace guides me into the warm spray, and I immediately sigh as the water washes Kyle’s blood from my body. The white tiles at our feet turn crimson, and I watch as it drains away, searching for the guilt that doesn’t seem to come.
“The first person I ever killed was a guard at The Factory,” Ace tells me as he reaches for the sponge and shower gel, his eyes focused on the task at hand. “It wasn’t long after we left, and Tommy and I had a plan to take out the low-level guys first and work our way up, dismantling the organization piece by piece. Tommy had recently started working for the Saint James family, and they’d just taken down my business in Chicago, so I wasn’t talking to him at the time. We grew apart after we left, but we never lost sight of our goals.
“I hunted this guy for days, but it took so long for me to get him alone so I could end his miserable existence. But I remember when the time came, I hesitated. I’d never get that piece of my soul back, you know?” His eyes flit up to meet mine, and I nod my understanding. There’s a part of you that changes when you kill someone, even when they deserve it. “He begged for his life, swore he would turn over a new leaf, you know, the usual bullshit that cowards spew when they’re about to meet their maker. But then I remembered why I was doing it, and the hesitation melted away.
“At first, I wondered how long it would take for me to feel guilt for what I’d done. I’d left a mother to plan her son’s funeral when she had no idea why he had to die, but how could I feel guilt when it was the right thing to do? When I was taking down an organization that had hurt so many people. That would end up hurting you, even if I didn’t know it at the time.” He pauses as he gently moves the sponge over my body, showing more care than most would think a man his size could. But he’s always been a gentle giant to me, even if the rest of the world has always been shown his brutal side.
“I’ve killed a lot of people, Mia, and I won’t lie to you and tell you that it didn’t change me, because it did. But every single death at my hand had a purpose.”
I nod, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. It seems ridiculous to be smiling right now, after I was dragged out of this apartment kicking and screaming only a few hours ago. After I was abducted and could have died in that accident. After I sliced a man open and carved into him like he was a pumpkin at Halloween. But the fact that Ace knew what was on my mind, that he knows me so well that he knew where my head was at, just proves how perfect we are together. I always knew we would be, but apparently his brand of fucked up and mine play nicely together.
“I don’t feel anything about killing him other than relief,” I say quietly, voicing it out loud for the first time.
Ace nods as he drags the sponge down my arm and pays extra attention to my wrists and palms to wash away any dirt from the wounds. “I’m sure Emerson would know more about this, but I would imagine that’s the case for most people that kill their abusers. You set yourself free, sugar, and you never have to feel guilty or apologize for that.”
“It feels like I can breathe again,” I whisper. “I don’t know how to explain it any better than that. Even when I knew I was safe with you, he was hanging over my shoulder, telling me my time was limited, that it wouldn’t be long before I was back to being starved and beaten and used. And now…now it’s like the life I always dreamed of, the one with you by my side. It’s a reality, and there’s no one waiting at the sidelines to steal it away from me.”
Ace smiles down at me as he brings one of his hands up to cup my cheek. “I know exactly what you mean, sugar, because that’s how I felt the day I found you in Florida.”
Tears gather at the corners of my eyes, and I do nothing to stop them from falling. They’re happy tears. Tears of relief, and I don’t have to hide them anymore.
Ace tosses the sponge to the corner and wraps me up in his arms, enveloping me with his huge body as if he’s reminding me I’m safe here, with him, in his arms. “I don’t know what our future looks like, sugar, but I know we’re happy. I know that every morning I’m going to wake up with you in my arms, and every night I’m going to fall asleep knowing how fucking lucky I am to have you.”
I smile against his bare chest because, for the first time in eight years, I can allow myself to dream. “Even if we could see the future, I wouldn’t want to,” I say quietly. “I just want to live in the moment with you.”
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
ACE
The doctor comes and goes, and I like him even less than I like Doc, which is really saying something. I hope that asshole comes back to work soon, because he’s the only person I seem to trust with my woman.
