AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I watch her for another beat before nodding in defeat. Like I said, there’s nothing I could deny Mia, even if it means working with the people who almost ended my career before it could begin.
CHAPTER NINE
MIA
Idon’t nap like I said I was going to. Instead, I sit up in the bed staring at the wall. For most people, this would be boring as hell, but I’m used to it. When I was at The Factory, the only time I wasn’t doing exactly this was when I was being trained or sleeping, so I got used to my own company and to the voices that ran wild in my mind.
At first they were hopeful, like a little mascot who was by my side through some of the worst days of my existence, but it didn’t take long for them to get as mean as the people who hurt me. The voices morphed into the men who took what I never offered them, the women who could allow such heinous things to happen and treat me like I deserved it, and occasionally, my foster father’s voice would creep in just when I thought I had already hit rock bottom.
But there was always one voice that dragged me back from the edge. When I was ready to give up, to take my own life just to make the pain stop, it was Ace’s deep voice that convinced me to keep going. So why can I barely speak to him now that he’s right in front of me? When he’s trying so fucking hard to take care of me? Why can’t I let him?
I press my eyes closed, emotions threatening to spill over in a way I haven’t allowed them to in so long, but I force it down and bring my knees up to my chest, holding them close as if it will do anything to make me feel secure.
The phone on the bedside table lights up, and I reach for it reluctantly. This morning when I was avoiding leaving my room, I took some time to learn how to use it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been allowed to even touch a cell phone, and iPhones have come a long way in the last eight years.
Emerson: I hope you don’t mind, I spoke to Doc and he’s happy to come past and see you anytime.
Mia: Thank you. I think you’re right, I do need to be checked over.
Emerson: There’s no rush. Just when you’re ready. Ask Ace to organize it with Rayne when you decide.
Emerson: Would it be okay if I came to see you again tomorrow? Snow would like to come as well if you’re okay with that?
I hesitate for a moment. Snow Saint James is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, and although I’ve only seen photos in the gossip columns of grainy newspapers, I’m sure she’s incredible in real life.
Mia: Only if you both want to. I don’t want to put you out.
Emerson: We’ll bring some lunch.
Fuck.
Did Ace tell her I’m refusing food each time it’s offered? Have I been that obvious about my aversion to food? I thought I was doing it subtly enough that he would pass it off as me not being hungry. But that’s not the case.
No. I’m always starving. But I learned early on that food is a privilege and to only eat when I have to. If I allow myself to eat more now, what happens when I get dragged back? When someone inevitably comes for me, and I have to go back to a life of starvation?
It’s better this way.
The acceptable time for a nap comes and goes, and eventually I have to leave the safety of the bedroom. I’m not sure what to do when I’m in the living area with Ace. I don’t want to turn the television on when he’s working, but it’s also weird for me to just sit staring at the wall in his presence. At least I’m self-aware enough to know that’s not normal behavior.
Ace’s eyes meet mine the second the door swings open, and he gives me a small smile as he lets out a relieved breath. He seems to think I’m going to disappear if he doesn’t always have eyes on me. Probably not an unreasonable concern considering it’s happened before.
“Hey,” I say quietly.
“How was your nap?” He pushes his chair back from the table and stretches. I can’t help but stare when his fitted black shirt creeps up, revealing his toned stomach.
I force myself to look away because if I stare for another second, he’s going to catch me, and I don’t need that kind of mortification right now. “It was okay.”
He rummages around on his desk before he stands and walks over to me. “I had these delivered for you while you were asleep.” He thrusts a laptop box and Kindle into my unready hands, and I stare at them blankly. The MacBook looks like the newest model, and I wouldn’t even know where to start with an eReader.
“You didn’t have to get me these,” I whisper, my eyes darting up to meet his.
“I know, but I thought you might want to do something other than watch TV and nap.” He shrugs. “Wynter is going to help us find an apartment, and then we can get you a space of your own all set up.”
I stare at him for long seconds as I process his words, and once they sink in, guilt slams into me like it has so many times since they rescued Clara and me. Everyone is doing so much for me. They’re buying me clothes and going out of their way to arrange for doctors and counselors to come see me, but no one is more inconvenienced by my return than Ace is. He’s shelling out for this ridiculously over-the-top penthouse, he’s moved his computers to a tiny dining table, and the chair he’s using looks anything but comfortable, and now he’s uprooting his entire life for me? Moving out of his apartment just so I can be comfortable?
“What’s wrong?” he asks, taking a step toward me, and for the first time since he’s been back in my orbit, I don’t step out of his reach. In fact, when his arm extends and his palm gently cups my cheek, I find myself leaning into his warmth and the safety he provides me.
My eyes press closed of their own accord, and for one blissful moment, I allow myself to feel safe. I allow my fight-or-flight instincts to take a break, and I just be. And it’s the most beautiful few seconds of the last eight years. I wish it could last forever.
