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It didn’t take me long to learn these rules, but I have a feeling it will take the rest of my life to break them.
His eyes widen at my movement, and he too takes a step back. The agony etched into his features is almost enough for me to step toward him, to reassure him that he hasn’t done anything wrong. The years since I last saw him have been worse than he could possibly imagine, and it’s left me scarred and broken, both mentally and physically. But I remain rooted in place.
“Emerson is going to come over this morning if you feel like talking to someone. She’s a qualified counselor and I thought you might feel more comfortable talking to her.”
“I don’t want to bother her,” I rush out. Fuck. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I’m racking up my debt to one of the most notorious crime families in the country, and that’s the last thing I need when I finally have my freedom.
Ace rubs his face, and I finally notice the dark smudges beneath his eyes. Did he sleep at all last night? Guilt slams into me and knocks the air right from my lungs. Was he awake because of my nightmares? I don’t think I make much noise during them anymore, not after how they would beat me at The Factory if I caused a scene at night and made the guards’ jobs hard. It was irrelevant to them that I was a teenage girl who was being trained how to be the perfect pet, my entire life stolen from me, my future, my friends, my hope, and my happiness. All that mattered was pleasing the men who now owned me.
“Mia, I won’t even pretend to know what you’ve been through, but I want to make something very clear so there is no room for misunderstanding. You’re not bothering anyone. Everyone who has offered to help, have done so because they want to, because they’re grateful to you for helping Clara, and because they know you’re important to Tommy and me. I promise you that when all is said and done, you won’t owe anyone. Not me, not Tommy, and not any of the Saint James family.” He takes a hesitant step forward, and this time I force my body to remain rooted to the floor. Ace won’t hurt me. I’m almost positive of it. “I asked Emerson to come speak to you because, although I want nothing more than to give you everything you need and to hide you away from the rest of the world where I can keep you safe and give you everything you’ve missed out on, I know that’s selfish of me, and I would be an asshole to not give you every chance I can at getting to live your life.”
I only hesitate for a moment before I nod, but for once, it’s different. I’m not agreeing because I have to or because if I don’t, Ace will hurt me. No. I’m agreeing because I can see how desperately he wants to help me, and although I should tell him I’m beyond help, too broken to cobble together the pieces that remain, somewhere deep down, I’m still that teenage girl desperate to see one of Ace’s rare smiles.
And I’m not disappointed by the one that tugs at the corners of his lips.
I fidget with my hands in my lap as Emerson lowers herself into the armchair across from me, her hands immediately resting on her growing belly. Her auburn hair is styled into a neat ponytail, and her emerald eyes meet mine across the small table that separates us.
Ace and Rayne have made themselves scarce, although I’m pretty sure they’re standing outside in the hallway, considering Ace didn’t take anything but a room key with him when he left. They both seemed hesitant to give us any space, given the way Rayne’s eyes hovered on Emerson, worry causing his brows to pull together.
“Sorry about Rayne.” She shakes her head with an overexaggerated eye roll. “Ever since we found out I was pregnant, he has trouble letting me out of his sight for more than a few minutes. I’m surprised the man didn’t spontaneously combust being away from me for twenty-four hours.”
A small laugh fills the space between us, and it takes me a second to realize it came from me. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been able to show emotion of any kind, and although I was able to fake some while I was at the Lombardi compound, this is the first time it’s come naturally. “It’s sweet,” I say quietly.
She smiles and glances at the door, as if she knows they’re standing on the other side of it waiting for us to be done. “It is. The start of my pregnancy was a little rough, and he really struggled to see me so unwell. He had a lot of guilt because he was the one that did this to me.” She laughs, but the obvious love in her eyes and the way she rubs her stomach absentmindedly show me just how much that baby and her husband mean to her. “Anyway, we’re not here to talk about my overbearing husband.” She turns her full attention to me, and I tighten the hold on my hands, as if my own grip will be enough to hold me together. “I’m just about to finish my master’s in counseling, and I promise anything you tell me will stay between us. I won’t tell Ace, or Rayne, or anyone else. This is a safe space, and I want to assure you that I will not break that trust.”
I nod slowly. I’m used to finding the lies people are telling me, but there aren’t any here. Emerson is telling the truth, and some of the tension in my shoulders releases.
“Is there anything you need? I know Snow bought you some things and Tommy gave you a phone, but is there anything else that might make you more comfortable during this transition?”
“No, you’ve all already done too much.”
Her brows pull together. “Why do you say that?”
I sigh and lean back into the plush couch. It’s strange enough to speak freely after only being able to speak when spoken to, but to add my own feelings into the mix has anxiety bubbling low in my belly. “I guess I’m used to nice deeds being followed by owing someone something,” I tell her truthfully. “The men who owned me over the years would occasionally do nice things for me. Let me watch television, give me books to read, some chocolate, that kind of thing, but it always came with conditions. Things I had to do for them, and usually those ulterior motives only came after the fact. I guess I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
Emerson does her best to school her features, but I don’t miss how she flinches or how she takes an extra split second each time she blinks to gather herself. “I see. It’s only normal when you’ve been conditioned to feel a certain way that it can be hard to accept when things change. However, I can assure you that none of us—not me, not Ace, not Tommy or Clara—feel like we’re doing enough to help you. It must be scary knowing what our family is involved in, but the Saint James family has spent their lives taking down trafficking rings. Are they criminals? Yes. But are they bad people? Would they ever be involved in the kinds of things you’ve seen and been through? Absolutely not. If there is anything you need, I want you to promise me you’ll ask for it. You can call me, and I’ll make it happen. Tommy let us know you have all our numbers so honestly, night or day.”
“Thank you.” I choke out the words I’ve been forced to say so many times, but for once I don’t feel like they’re enough.
“Now, one thing I did want to talk to you about is whether you’ve seen a doctor recently.”
I shake my head. “No, not for…” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Not for a long time.”
Emerson swallows heavily as she struggles to train her emotions. “We have a doctor, his name is Doc, and he has treated all of us, as well as many women that have been saved from trafficking. Would you be comfortable if I organized for him to come see you?”
Panic slams into me. The idea of a man touching me, of him seeing me naked, has a cold sweat breaking out across my brow. Can I do that? Logically, I know I should see a doctor. Even growing up in foster care, I saw one somewhat regularly. But I’m not sure I’m ready to be that vulnerable in front of a stranger.
Emerson notices my obvious panic and gives me a reassuring smile. “Have a think about it. I can be there if you want, or I’m sure we could organize for Clara to come sit with you. Whatever you want to do. I think it would be wise for a doctor to look you over, check your vitamin levels and those kinds of things.” But it’s what she doesn’t say that rings loudest in my mind. I need to be tested for diseases, and maybe that’s what terrifies me most.
CHAPTER EIGHT
ACE
Rayne and I stare at the door the entire time Mia and Emerson are talking. We don’t have much in common, but the one thing we do share is how protective we are of the women on the other side of the wall. We’ve both let them down in the past, but his mistakes didn’t result in Emerson being tortured for years. Being sold from one rich asshole to the next and used like a piece of meat. The thought makes my stomach churn painfully, and the bacon and eggs in my gut threaten to make a reappearance.
I failed her. There’s no two ways about it. But I won’t do it again. I’ll keep her safe. I’ll give her everything she needs. I’ll do anything to give her the life I so desperately wanted to give her eight years ago.
“Storm wanted me to let you know that he’s dealt with Lombardi. They won’t be coming after Clara or Mia and have agreed not to retaliate.” Rayne breaks the silence we fell into as soon as Emerson shooed us out of the suite.
