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She lost the baby.
The doctor said that it happens sometimes during the first trimester, but Lorena couldn’t help but feel like she had done something wrong. She didn’t know what, but surely it was her fault.
Lucas withdrew into himself, unsure of how to help her.
Lorena pushed him away, spent a lot of time sleeping, and refused to do anything with him. The hole in her heart was too real, too palpable to just go on living as if nothing happened.
Breathing hurt, living hurt, so she just settled for existing.
She didn’t know how to climb back out of the hole of despair she suddenly found herself in, and all of a sudden she wasn’t sure she wanted to.
Lucas stopped trying to reach out to her after all, and that hurt even more, but she knew it was because he didn’t know how to reach her. He would touch her gently as if afraid she’d break.
One day, she couldn’t stand the gentleness anymore, so she had a little too much to drink. Lucas came home after a night spent at the bar.
When he slipped into bed next to her, she reached out and hesitantly touched him. Lucas held her hand loosely between his; his brown eyes surprisingly clear despite the alcohol on his breath. “Are you sure? Lor, if you aren’t ready, we can wait.”
Lorena began to stroke his chest before she climbed on top of him and straddled him. She pushed herself up against him before she pressed her lips to his.
“I don’t want to wait anymore.”
A few weeks later, he got a letter saying that he had been accepted to a university in America on a double scholarship. He would be studying psychology and basketball.
He didn’t want to leave her, she knew that, but she also knew that this was his dream, and she’d hate herself if she got in the way of that.
He packed his bags, and she watched him move through airport security. She watched his plane take off, and she placed her hand on her stomach, knowing that there was no way that she could tell him that she was pregnant again.
If she carried to term, she would raise this child by herself, so that Lucas could have the chance to pursue his dream.
She never regretted that decision although sometimes she wondered if she had made the right choice. Lucas was the father after all, and she didn’t consult him.
But after a while, it just seemed easier to tell their daughter that her father was out there and didn’t know she existed. She thought she was protecting her.
Especially after they moved to the states, and she heard all about him and his reputation.
What kind of environment would that be for a little girl?
Besides, she knew that Lucas had dreams that were too big for Madrid, that’s why he moved to America to make them work. It had gone from a pipe dream to a reality, and she was happy for him.
She bit her lip as she wondered why she had agreed to go to the beach with him. She wondered if any good would actually come out of it. She just knew that once he flashed her that smile, she couldn’t say no.
Now she would have to tell him about Elena.
She had his eyes, his beautiful chocolate brown eyes, and her heart twisted a little in her chest whenever her daughter turned her mischievous glint towards her.
Lorena loved her daughter more than anything on this Earth, and there was nothing she wouldn’t do to protect her.
But she had to at least give Lucas a chance before she wrote him off.
She finished her lunch and signaled for the check, glad that she didn’t have any classes today. She never would’ve been able to focus on teaching the kids with her brain in a million different places at once.
She gathered her scattered thoughts as she paid for her meal and made her way out of the café.
She checked her watch and realized she had about fifteen minutes left till they were supposed to meet, so she straightened her handbag and began the walk to the café.
She made it there with five minutes to spare and she leaned against the wall as she watched the people coming and going wondering what their lives were like.
Wondering if any of them had ever made a decision to protect their child. Some of them probably had, some of them probably wondered about it every day.
