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And there was this . . . quiet . . . no, I could only describe it as peace. A deep sense of peace that came over me and I could think clearly for the first time in my life.
Part of me said I should have been disturbed by what provided me with this revelation, but a bigger, more reasonable part of me knew that it didn't really matter, because what was done could not be taken back. And even if it could, if I had to trade the light, the complete and silent peace, the hope and euphoria it brought, there was no way I'd take it back.
No fucking way.
So what if it wasn't normal? It was the most real thing I've ever experienced in my entire life.
Maybe an hour later, I was still feeling wholly euphoric as the engine of my mother's car turned over. Never in my life had the corners of my mouth defied gravity and pulled up on their own, but there was a constant grin affixed to my face.
Angels' head still rested against the glass, a light snore escaped her mouth.
I had to let her sleep to properly explore these new sensations, to think about what I had done to receive them and how I was going to keep them.
My hands rested against the steering wheel as we jetted from Sunny Vista Trailer Park for the last time. I planned to explain everything to Angel once we were a safe distance away. Everything that needed explaining, that is.
+ + +
32
-Angel
My hands still grip the thin woolen arms of the chair. If they weren't cuffed, I might press one to my mouth to keep it closed. Biting my lip doesn't keep a keening cry from escaping; just like being bound doesn't stop my body from shaking.
I heard the womans' name. Quiet Man addressed her a minute ago. I need to focus on something else until I calm down, so I focus on committing her name to memory.
Tara. Tara. Tara.
Tear-a. Tear-a . . . nother piece of my heart out.
Tara with the tight hair bun-her lips don't move, but pucker. I can't figure her out. She gives so little in the way of emotion, it's tough to decipher between surprise and disgust. She could be thinking. Or maybe she's bored.
"Take your time." Tara says, surprising me.
It takes some effort, but I gather my wits, managing to look Tara in the eye. "Have you ever been in love?"
Quiet Man leans forward in his chair. "I know we've maintained a level of informality, but you must remember this inquiry is about you. Your diagnoses and your needs."
"Darren, please. It's fine." Tara sets a hand on his forearm. She looks first to my lawyer, who nods his head, then back to me and says, "Yes."
I take a modicum of comfort. Though, no one could ever love another person as much as I loved Jake, I think she might get it. The cries threaten my throat again. "This is hard to say." It's irritating-that three-letter word, say-it cheapens what I am about to disclose.
"Do you need a break?" Darren asks.
I shake my head. I have to focus, try not to contract into a fetal position. Looking to the other coats in the room, everyone is quietly staring, waiting with blank faces.
The images roll through in my mind. A reel of film, showcasing the memories of what I remember from the morning we left.
"Just like I had lost myself in the corridor at school, I don't recall anything but waking up in the car that morning. I had no idea how I got there, or how where 'there' was. We were just driving through the desert."
+++
"Wake up, Princess Bitch-Face."
My eyes fluttered open and the first thing I saw was the long road. There was static-filled music playing. The wind coming in through the half-open windows was dry and hot. Avery had the widest, dumbest grin on her face.
"Where are we?" I sat up, rubbing my watery eyes. The sun was too bright.
"We've been on the road an hour or so." Her eyes swept over the clock on the dashboard. "You were totally out of it, I thought I'd let you sleep."
