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Avery's pencil moved with righteous speed.
"I got lost at school the other day. After the thing with Rosa; I forgot where I was going and missed the whole period. I walk those halls five days a week. I should be able to get from one place to the next on autopilot just like everybody else."
"Could be a side effect of you migraine medication?" Avery guessed.
"And my shrink won't let up about talking to you. She's driving me crazy." Avery nodded her head, repeating quietly, "autopilot is malfunctioning." She was trying to make me laugh. And I wanted to, but the troubles were pouring from me like a burst dam. She sighed and tilted her head. "Over-active tear ducts, too. Now, that's a tough one, but my mom might have a few clothes pins."
She was the only person who could turn my tides so quickly. I went from wails to giggles in a matter of seconds.
19
-Angel
Back inside my cell, lying in my bed, I'm trying to find the sleep that so often evades me.
Of course, my mind drifts back to Jake, my very own Romeo. And the anxious feeling, the need to find him again is so strong that I cross my arms and pinch at the insides of my elbows.
It's not time yet. My confession must be completed before I can think of taking the next step to get back to him.
I spent so many nights with him; mostly in my bed, but sometimes in his. A memory, nearly forgotten, surfaces like a dream and pulls me in.
My feet were tangled in his sheets as I ran my fingers down his bare back, lingering on his sculpted shoulders, his pecks, and then the finely tuned notes of his taut stomach. Jakes lips pressed against mine as we moved together. Loving me, he whispered my name in a way that turned the word into music. I can feel his fingers gathering the hair at my nape, the little scratches of his nails as he pulled me closer.
Turning to my side, I sink into my thin mattress and thinner pillow, burrowing down, hoping to cry myself to sleep.
But all the talking, cultivating all those memories has my mind going. There are so many moments I left out. Moments worth reliving scattered among times I long to go back and change.
Memories I've long cherish are sprinkled among the signs I thought I saw, but never took them for what they were: a warning.
+++
We'd been together for a several months and Jake was anxious for me to meet his mom. He'd planned to introduce me several times, but I was always too nervous. I made up excuses the first couple times he arranged for us to meet. He didn't like my cancelling, but had been letting me get away with it. By the fourth invitation, his patience was gone. Seeing this, I agreed to go over one Sunday afternoon.
"She's going to love you." He assured me, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the radio. "Just relax." His gaze drifted from the road to the rearview mirror.
Avery was in the back of the van, watching the store fronts blow by. I'd invited her at the last minute because knowing she was there would help me feel confident enough to relax. And Jake didn't say anything when she got into the car, so I assumed it was okay.
"Where's your mom work?" Avery asked.
"Post Office." Jake turned to me and smiled.
"Why do you want me to meet her so bad?" I asked.
He looked into the rearview mirror again. "Because I like you."
Just then, I looked into the back. Avery was staring at him, wearing a small smile that faded when her eyes met mine.
My fingers clutched at a set of knots forming in my stomach. When I looked back to Jake he glanced from the rearview mirror, to the road, and then back at me. I straightened in my seat.
When we stopped at a red light, Jakes eyes went right into the rearview mirror, again. He was looking at Avery, even when she wasn't talking. I understood why-I mean she was so much prettier than me-but it made my chest quiver in a very bad way.
I told myself it was nothing, but couldn't help asking, "Why do you keep looking behind you, in the mirror?" My tone was low, hoping Avery couldn't hear.
Jakes face didn't change, but his gaze shifted to the road ahead. "It's part of being a responsible driver."
"It doesn't mean anything, Angel." Avery whispered, reaching up to pat my shoulder. I swear she had the ears of a jungle cat.
I looked out the window behind us. There were a few cars. The light changed and we started moving. I watched Jake as he checked his mirrors and then switched lanes, but his gaze kept going back to that rearview mirror.
