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“I’ve missed you, Mama.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“Guess what I did. I went to the park and I like baths now.”
Oh, yeah, the bath thing. That was a challenge. First time I tried to bathe her she acted like a wild cat. There was a lot of screaming and crying. It was amazing to me how she could be so mature for her age, and turn into a little brat when she saw a damn shower. The dispute was resolved after I let Max hop in the tub with her.
“Oh, God, you like baths?”
“Yeah. With the dog.”
“O…oh.” That last part didn’t please Salvatrice so much, but she was in no position to judge my parenting. “Did you have fun with…Roman.”
“Yes, Mama, but I don’t call him Roman anymore.” Oh, this would be interesting. “I call him daddy.”
Salva turned into a statue, but blessed be the minds of the innocents, because Romina didn’t see the bomb that she threw in her mother’s face as a big deal, so she moved on to tell her everything about the park. Romina’s energy and excitement only grew but Salvatrice seemed weakened. Her chest started making a weird sound that I could hear from where I was standing, a few feet away.
“Baby, that’s great.” She turned away quickly when she was taken by surprise by a cough, and covered her mouth with both her hands. When she let her hands down, I saw the blood that was staining her skin.
“Fuck.” What the fuck was that? “Romina, honey, why don’t you go and gather all your dolls so you can show them to your mom later. I’ll help her unpack, ok?”
“Ok. Mama, are you ok?”
“Yeah, baby, go.”
The moment she was gone, I went down on the floor next to Salva, and it was like my anger never existed.
“Salva, are you ok?”
“Yeah, I just need…I need the inhaler in my bag.”
I rushed to find the damn thing and give it to her.
“This is not fucking pneumonia.”
“No, it’s not.” After a few puffs, she could talk normally again and I took her to the kitchen to clean her hands in the sink.
“What the fuck is going on, woman?”
“I’m sick.”
“Salvatrice, I swear to God, I don’t have the patience to squeeze information out of you. I need longer answers.”
“There’s not much to say, Roman. I’m sick and my lungs are giving out. It’s a matter of months until…” She took another deep breath and puffed from her inhaler. “I just didn’t want Romina to see me while I was wasting away.”
The pain in her voice brought me to my knees and I chained her to my chest as tight as I could as she cried. She was talking stupid. I wouldn’t let anything or anyone take her from me and if God wanted a war over this woman, I was ready to give him a fight.
“Salva, shhh, calm down, amore.”
“I’m gonna die, Roman. I didn’t want to leave you, God, I didn’t want to leave her, but I’m just a burden.”
“Ok, stop. We’re gonna put Romina to sleep – together – and then we’ll talk about it. Smile now. Our daughter needs to see you happy.”
She forced herself to smile, but her beautiful eyes that I loved so deeply remained untouched. My heart started bleeding inside my rib cage. I watched her tuck Romina into bed, but didn’t say much because the dark, horrifying thoughts that swallowed Salvatrice were percolating in the back of my head.
We returned to the living room after Romina fell asleep. Salva didn’t take any time to look around, we just sat on the couch and she talked me through her disease. I wanted to punch myself in the face. How didn’t I see the signs before? I should have known from our first night together that pneumonia doesn’t make your chest sound like a fucking whistle.
“Don’t worry. We’ll get through this, amore.”
