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A knock on the door made my heart jump from my chest.
“Muse.” It was Simona again. “Honey, you need to come for the picture now. Gino is ready to go to the church whenever we are, but Catherinelle still has to do her makeup.”
Go to church. Soon.
“I can’t.” I said before I could stop myself and locked the door.
“Is everything alright?” She spoke with such gentleness; it broke my heart.
“Simona, I can’t. I can’t do this.”
It was all too much. This amazing fairytale wedding that I never dreamed of wasn’t for me. I wasn’t born to be a princess, much less a queen. I suddenly felt so alone, wishing so hard to have my mother or my baby brother here to help me get through this day that was turning into a spectacle. I wanted Gino, but he wasn’t here either. I just wanted to stop feeling like a show pony that was here just to walk around covered in jewels to advertise how rich and powerful the Nucci’s were. It was my wedding day – it was supposed to be about our love and promises before God, but it turned into a delight for others.
“Muse, please let me in. We can talk about whatever’s bothering you.”
A rain of salty tears had started falling down my face and I covered my mouth so she wouldn’t hear me sob. Not knowing what else to do, I walked away from the door, all the way across the room and sat down on the floor. I was acutely aware that in that moment I was ruining my dress and my makeup.
I felt so horrible. All those people downstairs did everything to make me feel good and Gino tried in his own way to give me the most beautiful wedding a woman could ask, and look at me now. Hiding away from everything. I was an ungrateful bitch; that’s what I was.
Half an hour might have passed when I’ve heard Gino’s booming voice in the hallway.
“Muse!” He hit the door with such force, I was afraid he might break it. “Just let me know if you’re ok, sweetheart. Mother said you haven’t answered in twenty minutes and I’m losing my mind. Muse, let me know you’re ok in there or I’m going to tear this damn house down.”
He wasn’t mad, no. I knew Gino like he was the back of my hand, I didn’t need to see him to know what he was feeling. Just hearing his voice was enough. He was desperate behind that door.
“Gino, I’m so sorry.” I said, almost choking.
“Just open the door, sweetheart, so I can see you.”
I ran to open it and because I didn’t pay attention, I stepped on the veil and tore it. Damn it! That’s why no one needed a fifteen-foot veil.
“Hey.”
The moment the door opened, he walked inside and grabbed my face into his palms, his midnight black eyes pinning me down.
“Tell me how to do things right, sweetheart. Anything.”
“Gino, I don’t think I can do this. The wedding is too much.”
“Then we won’t get married, I don’t give a fuck. We can live just like we did until now for the rest of our lives, just don’t leave me.”
“What?”
“Sweetheart, I love you. There is no me without you. Don’t do something crazy just because you’re a little nervous.”
“Baby,” I exclaimed, putting my arms around his waist and holding him tight, “No. I love you too. I want to marry you, I just…Gino, I feel horrible.”
“Why? Is it something I did? Did someone do anything to you? Tell me, and I will kill them right now.” I believed him. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d stained his hands red for me.
“No. It’s stupid.”
“You’re crying in a wedding dress, sweetheart. Tell me.”
“I’m not a queen. I’m not royalty and everyone expects me to be for you, and you deserve that, but it’s not me, Gino. I’m just a girl from Long Beach, I used to strip to earn my money. The first time we met, my boobs were out, for crying out loud.”
“What the hell does that have to do with anything? Sweetheart, you are my queen because of that. You’re my queen because you’re strong, and kind, and beautiful. End of story. Today doesn’t change anything.”
“It’s just that I feel that everything got out of hand. We have what? Six hundred guests? The flowers, the arrangements, the huge, public wedding, it’s too much. It doesn’t feel like our wedding, it’s just one big party and everyone expects me to be this…this perfect woman that I’m not.”
