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“I heard you in the bathroom, little whore,” Nate’s voice rang in my ears. The memory of it was so real.
“Shhh…” The sound of Kai’s voice broke through my drowning. “You’re safe.”
Tears ravaged my body, my shoulders shaking as I leaned against Kai’s sturdy form.Safe…? Would I ever shake this?
I thought I was safe that night. Taking the same route I had taken time and time again. I thought I would make it. I thought I was being paranoid. But that was it…
My subconscious knew. It knew Nate lurked nearby.
“Why didn’t I listen?” I sobbed.
“Enjoying yourself, whore?”
My fingertips burned as if they remembered dragging along the concrete of the alleyway. My breaths stopped in my lungs, my ghost suffocating me as he did that night.
Kai didn’t ask questions, only stroked my hair, trying his best to calm me.
“I should’ve listened. If I listened, this never would have happened!” I cried, the floodgates opened.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he muttered, kissing my head gently.
“I didn’t–I didn’t—” My lungs clenched tighter, the heat in the room drew the walls closer, closing me into a small fiery inferno.
“Shhh, we don’t need to think about that right now,” he whispered.
“I killed him!” I cried. The warmth of his blood drenched my skin, the sticky and thick sensation still there. “I–I?—”
I didn’t know what else to say. How did I explain what I didn’t understand? How did I explain that Nate was always with me now? I saw his eyes in every man I passed by on the streets? How did I explain no matter how many times I scrubbed at my flesh, there was no getting the stain of him off of me? How did I explain to Kai that no matter how hard I tried, every time he touched me, for a fraction of a second, I was still reminded of what had happened?
“Audry?” Kai pushed me away from him, cupping my face in his hands. “I need you to listen to me closely.”
I shook my head, not wanting to look at him, but he kept my chin firmly in place.
“You survived,” he said, his stare drilling into me. “You survived like a warrior. You cannot hold his death because it wasn’t your fault. It was his. He made his own choices and took yours away. You did what you had to do. You don’t ever,everfeel bad for that.”
The sobs slowed as I stared at him—my knight in shining armor. I imagined if I ever told him that, he would deny it. He was dead set on me understanding that he didn’t save me. I saved myself, and I could continue to survive this.
But, I couldn’t live like this. Not with the guilt and the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Distraction, I glanced at his lips. The one thing I knew, the one thing I was good at. I leaned forward, wanting our moment back. I wanted his hands on me, drowning out the memories.
“That’s not a good idea,” he said.
Frustration burned inside my stomach, mixing with the embarrassment. “Get out,” I said.
“What?” He blinked, confused.
“Get out!” I yelled, slipping out of his arms. “Get out!” I dug my fingernails into my palm.
“Audry, please?—”
“No.” I shook my head.
His eyebrows drew in, pure concern written across his features. But I didn’t care. He wanted to talk about things. He wanted me to face it and embrace it. I wanted to ignore it. I wanted to shove the memories so far down I forgot where I left them. I wanted to forget—not be reminded. Talking was the last thing I wanted.
“Okay,” he said, holding his hands up. “I’m here for you, Audry. When you’re ready.”
I woke up with a headache and a numbness that had invaded every muscle. Getting back home was a blur. My apartment seemed smaller than I remember it, blander. Disorientation sat on me like a rock as I tried to get my bearings. I had dragged myself back home but didn’t remember much else.
