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‘I didn’twantto believe it,’ Aaron said. ‘I never?—’
‘Itoldyou,’ Ella said through her teeth. ‘I gave you my word. And you still couldn’t trust me, could you?’
Aaron looked like a man in a nightmare. ‘I tried. I thought—Ella…’
‘I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it. Who killed Toby, Jem?’
Jem looked between them, then pushed himself off the bed. ‘Come on. Both of you, come with me. You need to hear.’
TWENTY-TWO
They followed him through the fog-wreathed Front Quad, through to Old Quad and Staircase Thirteen, walking in silence. There was nobody out, nobody waiting, no lurking figure, and Jem realised he wasn’t afraid of one now, because Ella and Aaron were with him.
He led them to Nicky’s door and knocked. There was no answer, and a sudden image came, as vivid as if it was in front of his eyes, of Nicky, who feared the gallows, alone in his loveless room with a bottle of whisky and a razor blade.
Jem yanked frantically at the doorhandle. It turned, the door opened, and he half fell through the doorway.
Nicky didn’t appear to have moved since Jem had left him. He sat holding the empty glass, and didn’t even look up from the fire, now mostly dully glowing coals, as Jem clattered in. Nobody moved, until Ella said, with a kind of resignation, ‘Nicky?’
He looked up then, at Ella and Aaron, and he didn’t need to speak.
Jem was the first to break the silence. ‘Let’s all sit down. Aaron and Ella need to know. It’s only right.’
Aaron and Ella moved forward. Jem hung up his sodden coat and locked the door, then took his previous chair opposite Nicky, since Aaron and Ella had taken the settee, sitting together.
‘Well,’ Ella said. ‘I suppose I ought to hear you out.’
‘Not if you don’t want to,’ Nicky said. He was watching his hands, loosely clasped on his knee. ‘I killed Toby. I’m sorry, Ella. And I am deeply sorry for the damage caused by my cowardice afterwards, to all of you.’
‘Why did you do it?’ Her voice was very level.
‘He knew about Aaron’s extracurricular activities. The abortion ring. He told me that I’d do his informing and bear witness for a prosecution, or he’d lay a complaint of gross indecency and sodomy against me and Jem.’
Aaron inhaled sharply. ‘Are you serious?’
‘We argued. He picked up the knife, but I killed him. That’s all.’
Ella’s breathing was harsh, Nicky’s a thin hiss. Nobody spoke.
‘And you said nothing,’ Aaron said after a while. ‘Not when I was arrested, not when we…’ His voice failed.
‘I would have spoken if they’d charged you,’ Nicky said. ‘I wouldn’t have let anyone else take the blame.’
‘Youdid!’ Aaron shouted. ‘You let Ella take the blame for ten years! I thought?—’
‘Yes,you thought,’ Ella said. ‘You thought I killed him, and you wouldn’t listen to me. You can’t blame Nicky for that.’
‘You—’ Aaron began hotly, then snapped his mouth and eyes shut at once. He was silent for a moment, then spoke carefully. ‘No. You’re right. I didn’t believe you. You were so angry when you went to confront him that night. And then he was dead, and you gave that false alibi. I should have trusted you in the teeth of the evidence and I didn’t, and I am sorry, Ella. I’m so sorry. You trusted me, and I—’ He turned away.
Ella looked at him, face unreadable, then back at Nicky. ‘So. I should have guessed, I suppose.’
‘Probably you should.’
‘Why?’ she asked. ‘And I know what you just said. Now tell mewhy. You owe me that.’
Nicky inhaled, a long shallow breath, and let it hiss out between his teeth. ‘In the moment, because he was jabbing a knife at me with intent. In the larger moment, because he had given me the choice between destroying Aaron or destroying Jem, and I did not choose to do either of those things. In the round, because—’ He stopped. Ella cocked her head, waiting. Nicky’s nostrils flared. ‘Because when he was good, he was very, very good, and when he was bad, he was horrid.’
‘Yes, he was,’ Ella said. ‘He might have recovered himself, given the chance.’
