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“Then what are you going to do about it?” Calder asks, his eyes piercing. “What would Dad tell you?”
I lift my brows and shrug. “He’d tell me to come up with a plan to win her over.”
Calder nods. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”
WeeksPregnant:23
AnimalsontheMountain:10
“Don’t look at me like that, Sir Reginald,” I say, squatting down in the fresh straw I just laid out in his mucked-out pen. “You’re still my favorite animal on the mountain.”
Reggie snorts his reply and moves over to rub his coarse fur along my jean-clad legs. The pressure from him causes me to sit back on my butt as I laugh and submit to his affection. He rests his head on my thigh, and I rub behind his ears, causing him to moan with pleasure.
“I know there are lots of new animals around here, but don’t worry. You’ll always be my number one.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and Reggie’s head pops up, his face showing me he’s clearly irritated by the disruption of his snuggle time. I pull it out to see my sister’s name on the screen. If I was smart, I wouldn’t answer it. I’m already in a sour enough mood—I don’t really need to have her add fuel to the fire. But a strange part of me longs to hear an old voice from my previous life. Something familiar, dysfunctional as it might be.
“Hey, Vada,” I answer, stretching my legs out so Reggie can rest his head on me again.
“Are you knocked up yet?” she blurts into the line with a laugh. “Or has the mountain man cast you aside for someone else already?”
I sigh heavily. “Do you really want to know?”
“Of course. That’s why I called!”
I lick my lips and gird my loins as I hit her with the news. “I’m currently twenty-three weeks pregnant.”
“Holy shit!” she exclaims so loudly I have to pull the phone away. “Why didn’t you call me?”
I shrug to myself. “I’ve been busy.”
“I’d say!” she says, still sounding shocked. “So, to be clear. This is for the mountain-man guy, not an accident? Like you’re getting paid for this?”
“Yep,” I reply, ignoring the sick feeling that rolls through my belly every time I think about that lately.
“Holy cow, this is wild. You really did it. How do you feel?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and continue with the honesty. “I’m emotionally fucked, but physically, I feel pretty good. Other than I still haven’t felt the baby move, which is apparently weird, but everything checks out okay.”
“Why are you feeling emotional? Do you not want to give up the baby or something? Can you even do that?”
A knot forms in my throat as I consider those questions. “I mean…there are clauses in my contract that protect me and what I want, so ultimately, I do have some choices. But the baby is his. It belongs to him. And it will be way better off with him than with me anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.”
“Why do you say that?”
I bark out a laugh. “Because I’m completely fucked up.”
“In what ways?”
“In all the ways, Vada!” I exclaim, irritated that she’s acting like this is news. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve learned that having parents leave their children home alone for weeks on end isn’t typical. Not even close. “I don’t know what it’s like to be a part of a normal family, let alone start one of my own. I don’t even know how to be in a relationship. How you got married to someone is beyond me. You must be way less fucked up than I am.”
“Oh, trust me, I’m fucked up. Mom and Dad did a number onme, leaving me to take care of you when I was just a kid. And clearly, I sucked at it because I left you just like they left me.”
My jaw drops as she says those words out loud. Words we’ve never spoken to each other. Honestly, my whole life, Vada made it seem normal for her to move away and start a new life. She acted like the fact that I was only sixteen was irrelevant. And I sort of believed that myself. When you have parents who are absent a lot, you grow up real quick, so figuring out my last couple of years of high school without Vada or my parents was just something I had to do.
“But girl, I had to go. I was no good to you the way I was. We fought all the time, and I was so nasty to you. I left because I was chasing something that could heal my anger. And Kai was it for me. He showed me more love in the first month I knew him than Mom and Dad did our whole lives. They were irresponsible and selfish and crazy and kept thinking they’d find the meaning of life in religion. And maybe they did. I haven’t heard from them in years, so maybe that means they’re happy. I don’t really give a fuck, though, because I’m happy. I found the meaning of life with Kai. And maybe with food too.” She laughs casually. “You should see my pantry. It is full of all the snacks we used to drool over at the grocery store and could never afford.”
My chin wobbles as my sister reveals more of herself to me in one phone call than she has in the ten years she’s been gone. I glance down at Reginald snoring on my lap and look out at all the other animals, tucked safely in their pens. A horse, a heifer, a goat, a bunny, chickens, a pig. I want all of them forever and so many more.
