Page 85 of Devastate Me


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I dressed in a pair of worn jeans and one of my stupid t-shirts, put some socks on, and my shoes. There would come a time when I’d have to face the damage my family had done to me, and maybe start working toward being normal again. Until then, I had to keep myself fully dressed just in case someone came around to take the rest of my things from me.

Telling myself that everything I owned was mine - even though it wasn’t much - didn’t seem to help. My bags were packed and still sitting on my bed where Kip left them earlier. It took a lot for me to leave them there while I went to the kitchen to see if anything of mine was still left to eat after being away for more than a month.

Kip must have taken his son somewhere while I was sleeping. For the first time, since I started working for him, I felt completely alone in the world. It was a feeling that made me sick to my stomach. There was also nothing left in the tiny cabinet Ashlynn had set aside for my food that hadn’t reached its expiration date yet, so I ended up throwing it all away.

There didn’t appear to be a guard around anywhere, despite Kip saying that one had been assigned to me. I resorted to my old survival tricks rather than brave going to the store. I filled a glass full of water, drank the whole thing down, and then refilled it again. Sipping on the rest would hopefully keep my stomach full of water and stave off the immediate hunger pangs.

Just as I got back to my room, a loud knock on the door startled me so much that I spilled some of the water from my glass all over my chest. I moved to the front door and quickly looked through the peephole to see that Breakneck was standing there. For a minute, I debated leaving him there.

“Hey, what took…Well, shit are we playing wet t-shirt contest? Wish I would have known, I would have stacked my wallet with some small bills.”

Something about that rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was that the last place I’d seen him before he sent me packing was seated with a bunch of whores. I wondered if he would stack his wallet with small bills for them or maybe they were worth more to him.

“What do you want?”

Breakneck seemed confused for a minute before he pushed past me into Kip’s house. I stepped back because there was no way I could keep him out if he truly wanted in.

“Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“You packed me up and shipped me off without more than a few words to me, so I didn’t expect to see you again.”

He laughed awkwardly but that quickly devolved into something else as the bastard legitimately stood there and laughed at me like I was the crazy one. Then he really looked at me, where I stood fully clothed including my shoes with a now half-full glass of water in my hands.

“Were you about to go somewhere?” I shook my head in answer. “Then why are you running around the house with shoes on?”

I didn’t feel up to answering him and instead turned to head to the kitchen. The glass of water needed to be dried off on the outside and I needed to refill it, too. I completed those tasks as Breakneck watched, still waiting on me to answer. He watched as my lips touched down on the brim of the glass and I took a drink. The small sip I managed did nothing to quench my hunger or alleviate my suddenly dry mouth. It felt like torture to have someone who threw me away come into what was supposed to be my space and act as if he hadn’t just pushed me aside.

“I think you might have gotten the wrong idea,” he finally said. I didn’t answer, just stood there staring at him while holding onto the glass of water for dear life. “Nova, fuck! You need to go change your shirt, I came to take you to dinner. Kip said there wasn’t really anything here until someone goes grocery shopping.”

Ah, that made sense. He was here out of obligation to his club brother. Must keep the nanny appeased.

“Not hungry,” I told him as I took another sip of water.

“No? How many glasses of water have you downed?” My eyes widened in surprise and gave me away. “Yeah, I know all the tricks when you’re poor and starving. My mom was a decent person. My dad had his moments, but he also prioritized his vices above his family’s needs.”

I nodded my head, remembering everything he’d ever told me about his family. Breakneck hardly ever spoke about them, so when he did, I paid attention. I almost felt privileged that he’d said as much to me, but then I remembered that he was a jerk who had thrown me out with everything, including my shampoo, while other women’s belongings still lingered in his shower at the clubhouse. They had a permanent space there where I didn’t belong. Message received.

“Okay, well I don’t want to go to dinner with you.”

“Everyone else is busy and you need to eat,” he argued. His demeanor changed quickly from nice and playful to surly and impatient. It wasn’t the change in his mood that struck me the most, though. It was that bit about everyone else being busy. So, he was sent to babysit me because no one else could be spared.

I wanted to scream for feeling this way, at him for being so callous, at myself again for letting someone rent that space in my head and my heart, and at Kip for leaving me alone with no good options.

“Stop being stubborn. I’m taking you out to get dinner. Kip will have shit for the house when he gets back, so you’ll have something to eat for breakfast and lunch tomorrow.”

“Fine.” I set the glass down on the counter and walked to my room to get a different shirt. The one I was wearing had dried a little, but not enough. I had just pulled a shirt out of my bag when Breakneck barged into my room. His eyes scanned the space, took in my two bags located on the bed, and then back down to the shoes on my feet before he returned his eyes to mine.

I ignored him while I took off one shirt and replaced it with the next. Then, I carefully hung the damp shirt over a chair, dry side down, so that it could air dry before I packed it away again.

“Why don’t you have your bags unpacked yet?”

I didn’t bother to answer him, just grabbed my more important bag, the one that held my clothing and some extra emergency money and slung it over my shoulder.

“I thought you were comfortable here,” he said. My answer was nothing more than a quick nod. “Why aren’t you unpacking your bags then?” I shrugged my response. “Come on. Let’s go eat, we’ll talk about it while I feed you.

It was a twenty minute, very quiet drive in his truck to the restaurant Breakneck took me to. In a way, I wished he’d just taken me to the diner, but instead we were at a moderately upscale place that I knew frowned upon people dressed the way we were. I’d been there with my father - Jeremy - twice. They had decent food, a relaxed atmosphere, but I remember that every one of their patrons were at least dressed to business casual standards the last time I ate there.

“I’m not dressed for this place.”

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