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I can’t watch it.
I can’t do this.
I was single for a reason, and this is just the reminder I needed.
Relationships burn and destroy you.
They always do.
CHAPTER 35
CAROLINE
I’m going to throw up.
Haven’t felt this nauseous all pregnancy, but watching Casey storm away from me is the worst feeling in the world. I stumble back to my dorm, clenching my jaw against the bile surging up my throat. I don’t make it to the toilet in time and end up spurting puke all over the bathroom floor.
I heave the rest into the toilet bowl, then slump against the cold wall, staring at my yellowy-brown vomit and feeling numb. It takes me forever to get my ass off the floor and clean up my mess. By the time I’m done, I’m a sobbing wreck, sitting on the bathroom floor in nothing but my underwear, my vomit-splattered clothes falling out of the hamper.
I crawl—yes, literally crawl—out of the bathroom and climb into bed. Pulling the covers over my head, I bury myself in the darkness and cry until my head is pounding.
Casey wants a paternity test, which means I have to tell Ben. He’s going to hate me. Maybe not as much as Casey hates me right now, but I’m guessing he’ll be pissed. Or worse, he’ll be stoked and want to get together and make a go of this thing. He’ll want to be the perfect baby daddy while the guy who owns my heart will want nothing to do with me.
Shit, even if the baby is Casey’s, things will never be the same again.
I lied to him.
Lani said I shouldn’t. She warned me. But I was so scared that telling him the truth would ruin everything. And it has.
A fresh sob jerks my belly, and I cry some more. Hating myself like I never have before.
I have no idea how many hours have ticked by, but when my phone rings, I jolt like I’ve been woken from a dozing slumber. I didn’t realize you could sleep when your heart hurt this badly. I must be truly exhausted.
For a moment, I wonder where Lani is and why she hasn’t been by to check on me, but then I remember her study group. They have a massive assignment due on Monday, and they’re in crunch time right now. She told me she wouldn’t be around much this weekend.
Flipping my covers back, I dig my phone out of my bag and see I’ve just missed a call from my mom. I also see that it’s been two hours since Ben outed me in front of Casey. Only two? How is that possible? It feels like a century has dragged by.
As she always does, my mom immediately tries again. She knows the depths of my bag and how useless I am at tidying anything. Calling twice usually does the trick, and like a fool, I swipe my thumb across the screen.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, Cinnamon. How’s my girl?”
“Oh, uh… you know.”
“What’s the matter?” Her voice changes instantly, and I can picture her face. She’s probably in her chair on the sun porch. She loves to read in the afternoons, and since she only works part-time, she has the luxury of escaping into her romance novels every day.
I wish I could escape into one. Give me a sticky-sweet Hallmark with minimal problems and a perfectly happy ending.
Why can’t life be like that?
Why does it have to suck so badly?
“Sweetie?” Mom prompts me, and I’m forced to come up with some kind of answer.
“Nothing.”
Nothing? Really? Great answer.
