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I want out!
But there is no easy out.
Why hadn’t Casey just called? Why hadn’t I been enough?
This would all be so different if he liked me as much as I like him. Maybe if he did, this pregnancy thing wouldn’t be quite so scary.
Are you fucking kidding me? Yes, it would! This is terrifying! Life changing!
But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he loved me, you know?
My stomach continues to jerk and convulse until genuine sobs are punching out of me. This whole thing is a mess, and telling Casey today didn’t make it better. It just reminded me how one-sided my feelings are.
Sure, he’ll be there for me out of a sense of obligation, but he couldn’t even remember my name.
Best sex of my life for me.
Another nameless girl for him.
At some point, Lani moves across the room. I don’t know how long it’s been, but she eventually perches on the edge of my bed, rubbing my back and making soothing noises.
She’s trying to make me feel better, but it’s not working.
Because nothing can make this better.
Telling Casey made everything all the more real, and now I feel like I’m drowning in this living nightmare.
CHAPTER 10
CASEY
Yesterday was a fuck-fest. And not the good kind.
I didn’t get to stick my ding-dong in anyone’s pussy, but I feel totally fucked.
The Queen of Hearts is pregnant. With a baby.
My baby.
The idea makes me want to throw up. I can’t be a dad. I’ve never even had one. How the fuck am I supposed to know what to do?
That’s the question that haunted me all of yesterday, all last night, and is still plaguing me as I try to concentrate on this lecture about… I don’t even know what fucking class I’m in right now!
Rubbing my eyes, I shake my head and sit up, trying to focus.
Biomechanics. I’m in my Biomechanics class.
Focus, you idiot.
I seriously can’t afford to fail anything this year, and I’m only scraping by as it is. Sure, I have my tutor, who helps me stay on top of things when I’m away so much, but I’m not a naturally academic person.
I just want to play hockey.
So sitting in this lecture theater trying to learn about anatomical function, although kinda interesting, is not my jam.
Not when my brain is filled with images of holding a crying baby in my arms.
Shit.
