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Though I could really go for a round or two.
We finished our meal and drove home in near silence. Other than common courtesy exchanges, we didn’t speak. I was hurt, pissed, confused, and frustrated. I couldn’t isolate one weighing in heavier than the others either, so I said nothing. Just sat in the passenger seat and stewed.
Maybe I should move out. If I was reading the guy right, he was feeling the same things I was, and neither of us wanted to touch the powder keg of our emotions.
Carmen pulled into the parking space at the condo complex and turned off the engine. Rather than get out, he just sat there staring out the windshield.
“You okay?” I asked with my hand on the door handle. I didn’t need him to open it for me, but the new treatment had been nice. That one thought rushed forth a revelation, and my stomach turned over at the notion.
Was I so desperate to be treated well that I’d put up with a slew of other things I wouldn’t normally stand for? Was he breadcrumbing me with gestures of kindness I wasn’t used to getting? I was so needy to be genuinely loved and cared for that I’d sacrifice other things I thought were important?
How much of a loser could I possibly be? Worse yet, knowing that was what was happening and staying dead center anyway.
I nearly dived from the car, slamming the door behind me before I took off toward the apartment. In hindsight, it was probably a stupid move because in essence, I was trapping myself. Once we were both inside that place, he’d never allow me to storm out.
And that was the exact mood I was in. I’d always chosen flight over fight when it came to that. I did so much better when I could escape for some solitude to gather my thoughts and typically calm my temper. If Carmen decided to corner me once we were inside, I’d probably turn feral.
Feeling bad about myself wasn’t a new thing. Didn’t mean I liked it or wanted to explain the habit to my husband either. I rushed through the apartment to the spare room where my clothes hung in the closet. Without waiting to see what he had planned for the rest of the evening, I whipped off my top and threw it on the floor. My mood was completely shot, so if he wanted to still go out, he could go by himself.
I shimmied out of the cute skirt I’d been so excited to wear. When I put it on, I knew it looked good on my short frame and was something he would appreciate. Whatever good any of those thoughts were now. I wanted to crawl under the bed—with a bottle of vodka, if I was living right—and forget all the doubt and disgust in my head.
I heard him sharply inhale from the doorway and looked up. Standing there in a white thong and matching bra, I felt more naked than my state of undress.
“Do you knock?” I clipped and looked around for something to cover with.
The hunger in his stare couldn’t be missed, and if he kept it up much longer, we’d be on the floor like two animals mating in the wild. We would yield to instinct only and not our better sense.
“On what? The door was wide open.” He took a couple of steps toward me.
“Just need some pajamas,” I muttered while riffling through my clothes. Now that my back was to him and he saw the full effect of the skimpy panties, a low groan vibrated from deep in his throat.
“Jesus, woman. Are you trying to kill me?”
I swung my head around to glare at him and was immediately stalled by the look on his face. The protruding crotch of his slacks just added to my dry mouth.
“Get out!” I shouted with a pair of lounge pants balled in front of me.
Slowly, he shook his head. Left to right and then again.
“I’m serious. Leave this room. I want to be alone.”
“Don’t think I can do that, Storm.”
Fine. He could stand there alone, because I was bolting. Well, he’d be there with that hard-on that was so big, my eyes kept shooting to it and then back up to his face. His chuckle told me he knew exactly what kind of war I was waging at the moment. Instead of having the common decency to give a person in the throes of a mental and emotional breakdown the space she requested, he took another step closer.
And then another.
I put a stiff arm out in front of me to keep distance between us. But he was undeterred. With warm hands, he gripped my hips and yanked me against his body. His erection felt exquisite between us, crumbling my resolve to not get physical with the man again. It just confused my feelings more when we fucked, and I was already so damn confused.
“Carmen…” I gasped as he sank his teeth into my neck. Fuck, why did it have to feel so good?
Bastard. He knew it, too, and he would use the same weapon over and over if I kept giving in.
“Let me make you feel good, baby,” he rumbled beside my ear.
“You’re not being very fair,” I whimpered while tilting my head farther to the side so he could continue the trail of nips and kisses he started beneath my ear.
“Fair about what? I want to pleasure you all day and all night. I can’t think of anything else when we’re apart. I want to worship every inch of this mighty little body. How is that not fair? I can’t get enough of you, Agatha Christine.” He finished his declaration with a hard bite to the juncture of my neck and shoulder.
