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WATCHING RICOCHET GET married is probably one of the best moments in my life. Right up there next to watching Kevlar get married. Both of my brothers have found the woman they love and they aren’t afraid to let the entire world know that shit. Both of them will do everything in their power to make sure Lyric and Paige are happy and feel as if they’re on top of the world because that’s how they are. Those two will treat their ol’ ladies like the queens they are and I can’t wait to watch their stories continue to unfold and help them create a ton of memories that will last a lifetime.
Paige and Ricochet got married almost two weeks ago. They chose not to go on a honeymoon because of the pregnancy. Tara is their main focus and neither one wanted to leave her. Ricochet told her they could take a trip somewhere later on when the baby was here. They don’t care about taking the baby with them on their honeymoon. So that’s their plan. I assured them both I would keep an eye on her and make sure nothing happened if they wanted to get away for even a night or two. They didn’t. Instead, the rest of us stayed at the clubhouse so they could have the house to themselves for the weekend. We didn’t hear from them at all and that’s a good thing.
The only drawback for me is knowing that while I started out not wanting an ol’ lady or family of my own, seeing my brothers happy and married is making me change my mind about that shit. I’ve already got Tara as my ol’ lady and her rag is here. I’ll be giving it to her soon. However, I know she wants more and I can give that to her. I can marry her and make her my woman in every single way. To make sure the world knows that she’s my fucking queen and they better walk the other way when it comes to her. I’m not the fucker to play around with when it comes to her. I’ll gut you first and ask questions later. Fuck with her and you’re gonna find out real quick just how fucking possessive I am.
However, before I can ask Tara to marry me, there’s a conversation we need to have. She already knows about the bitch from high school, but she doesn’t know about the other girl. The one I couldn’t save who I constantly think about. It’s been weighing even heavier on my mind knowing that I could have easily lost my woman because I wasn’t with her. I didn’t fucking protect her like I said I would.
Tara went to see Doc again for her follow-up appointment and things are looking great. She didn’t get any kind of infection from the wounds to her wrists. Those were the ones we were the most worried about. I helped her change the bandages daily and made sure the antibiotic ointment was put on in a thick layer so the bandage didn’t pull the stitches. Doc took the stitches out at her appointment and put a few small bandages where they were absolutely needed for the wounds that were still slightly open.
Doc also did another ultrasound. The baby is doing great. There’s no evidence that anyone has to worry about her losing him or her. Doc told her to take another few weeks off of work to be on the safe side and that’s what she’s doing. Lyric and the rest of the ol’ ladies are handling the shop for her and it’s been a huge success. Skylar loves working in the kitchen and making all sorts of treats for her. She follows all of Tara’s recipes because they were passed down from her mom and her mom’s mom. Skylar isn’t gonna mess with that shit because she knows how important those recipes are to my woman. Right now, everything is perfect in our world and I only hope it stays that way after I have this conversation with Tara.
Before I left the office, I asked Doc if Tara could have sex. No, my brother and Paige weren’t around for that conversation. It’s none of their business and I knew it would embarrass her. Doc assured us both that it was perfectly safe for us to have sex. Tara just has to listen to her body and make sure she doesn’t have any pain or anything when we do. If she gets the slightest hint of pain, we’re to stop and call Doc immediately. I’m okay with that. But, it’s still making me hold back when it comes to touching her. And I want her so fucking bad.
Walking through the house, I find Tara in bed. She’s awake and reading one of the books I just got her. My girl loves some pretty fucked up books. I don’t even know how she reads some of them. When I got them for her, I read the backs of the books and some of the shit made me cringe and wonder what the hell was wrong with her. I’m not about to tell her that though. Tara can read whatever the fuck she wants to and I’ll go out and buy any book for her.
“Sweets, I need to talk to you about somethin’,” I tell her, sitting on the bed next to her as she finishes her page before closing the book and looking at me.
“What’s wrong, Brax?” she immediately questions, reading my body language and seeing how tense I am.
“Nothin’ is wrong. I just need to let you know somethin’ that not many people know. You already know about the girl who fucked me over in high school. But there’s somethin’ so much worse that you don’t know. I should’ve told you before I claimed you, but I didn’t. It wasn’t right for me to do that shit because now you’re stuck with me,” I begin, looking at her as the memories fill my head and I let them continue to play on a loop.
“What happened, baby?” she asks, sitting up and moving closer to me as she rests her hand on my thigh.
“After all that shit happened with the bitch, a girl came up to me. She was scared out of her mind and had the proof to back up her words. At the time, she was datin’ my best friend. He always seemed like a good guy and came from a good family. We played football together and he was always the life of the party. Always wanted to have a good time and treated the girls with respect. That was all hidin’ the true nature of the fucker. He was beatin’ the shit out of her. She showed me all the bruises and cuts coverin’ her body. I took pictures of them and went to see him about what he was doin’ to her. The fucker broke down in tears and said he just lost his cool. That everythin’ was gettin’ to him and he let the stress take hold and make him forget for a minute.
“He apologized to her and everythin’ went back to normal. Until it didn’t. The next time she came to me, I was over it. I beat the fuck outta him and told him that if he ever went near her again, I’d gut him and make sure everyone in town knew what he was doin’ to her. His family name and social standin’ meant everythin’ to him. I thought that was the end of it. It wasn’t. Within a week of that ass beatin’, the girl was dead. The cops found her body at a playground of all places after she was reported missin’ by her family. My ex-friend was arrested and he’s still in prison for killin’ her. I thought just talkin’ to him and shit would keep him away. He was obsessed with her and couldn’t let her go. I don’t know what she said to him, but whatever it was made him lose his mind. I was at every court date for him and sat through his trial. There was no remorse from him or even guilt. He laughed about killin’ her and faced her parents while he did it.
“If I had told someone else about what was goin’ on, she’d still be alive today. That shit rests on my shoulders and I carry the weight daily as a reminder. I didn’t protect her like I promised. Every year on the anniversary of her death, I go to her grave and give her flowers and spend the day there. My brothers know where I am, but that’s it. I don’t answer my phone or talk to anyone that day. This is the first year I missed goin’ to her grave since he killed her. That’s the day you were taken and I was at the house gettin’ you back from those stupid fucks. I didn’t protect you like I didn’t protect her. The day couldn’t have been any more fittin’ than it was to drive that fuckin’ point home. I promise, sweets, I will never let anyone get close enough to hurt you again,” I tell her, my entire body tight as fuck as I keep my eyes locked on her to see her reaction.
For a few minutes, Tara doesn’t say anything in response. She keeps her eyes on me and I don’t see an ounce of pity in her gaze. I hate anyone pitying me. The only reason I’m telling her this is because she needs to know who the fuck I am. Finally, Tara wraps me in her arms and holds me close to her body. I can feel her trembling as she tries to hold back the tears I know she wants to shed. My girl is so open with her emotions and you always know what’s going through her mind. At least I do. I know Tara better than anyone else. Including my brothers.
“You did what you thought was best given the situation, Brax. How could you know that he’d take things that far? You couldn’t. If she felt like that’s the danger she was in, she should’ve told her parents about the shit she was being put through. Her death isn’t on you. It’s on the sick fucker who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. I’m sure beating her isn’t all he did. It typically isn’t like that. At least from what I understand. Brax, baby, I love you and I know you would’ve done everything in your power to save her. Including telling your dad what was going on. You didn’t feel that was necessary, so you didn’t say anything. You kept her secret safe like I’m sure she asked you to,” she says, not letting go of me.
I let the tension release from my body and I melt into her embrace. For so long, I’ve kept my emotions locked up tight and I let them free. For the first time in my adult life, I shed some tears. I let them escape for the girl I couldn’t protect, for Tara and what happened to her, and for my sisters-in-law and what they went through. They soak Tara’s shirt as she just lets me hold her and keep her close to me. When I’m finally able to pull myself together, I let go of Tara and lay her back against the pillows before laying down with her.
For a while, I just hold her close as she lays her head on my chest and I run my fingers through her long hair. Tara’s breath is slowing down and I know it’s just a matter of time before she takes a nap. That’s something she’s been doing on a daily basis lately. If she needs to take a nap, then she can take a nap. I’m sure growing a baby is exhausting and there’s no way I’m going to force her to stay awake or do something she can’t do for any reason.
“Baby, I know it’s not the day of the anniversary, but I think you should still go to her grave. If you’ve done it every year since it happened, then you need to go this year too. I’ll be okay here. I can go stay with Ricochet and Paige. Go, take your time and do what you gotta do. If you have to go see that piece of shit and give him a piece of your mind, then fucking do it. Anything that helps you see this isn’t your fault,” she says, her breath fanning across my chest, so warm I can feel it through my tee-shirt.
“I can’t do that, sweets. I have to be here for you,” I tell her, continuing to run my fingers through her hair while reaching down to bring her leg up over mine.
“Yeah, you can. Ricochet will watch over me exactly as you would. You know this. Your dad is still here and I know Kevlar will help watch over me. You’ve got Lucifer locked up and he can’t hurt me anymore. This is the perfect time for you to go. Brax, you have to do this. If you don’t, you’ll only continue to beat yourself up. So, I’m telling you to go. I don’t want you to stop doing something because of me. This is important to you and therefore it’s important to me. I want you to go. Take her a bouquet of flowers from me and tell her I wish I’d met her. If she put her trust in you, there was a reason for it. She knew you were worthy of her trust and that you’d do everything you could. Don’t prove her wrong by not going to see her. It’s just a little bit late this year. And, if you want, next year, I’ll go with you,” Tara tells me, completely flooring me because she gets it.
Tara completely understands where I’m coming from and what this means to me. For the first time in my life, a woman isn’t holding me back. I think that’s part of the reason I never wanted an ol’ lady of my own. Despite the women I grew up around, I always thought any woman I let in my life would hold me back and try to change me. Tara isn’t doing that at all. She knows I have to go take care of Lucifer and she steps back when I go to the basement. When I tell her about this situation, she encourages me to go to the grave even though I’m late. There’s nothing in her holding me back or trying to change me into a man who fits into her world. She accepts me as I am, flaws and all. That means more to me than I ever thought it would.
“Are you sure, sweets?” I ask her one more time just to be sure.
“Yeah. You go pack a bag and I’ll call Paige. If you want to be extra sure, let your mom and dad know so they can stay here on our floor while you’re gone. You’ll have someone on every floor of the house to protect me and the other women here. Tank can sit in your office and watch the millions of monitors you have in there to make sure no one gets close to the house. I’ll get a few things to take down to Paige and Ricochet’s with me after I talk to them and make sure it’s okay. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be, but I’ll still call them to make sure,” she answers me, reaching under my shirt and rubbing her hand up and down my stomach.
I never thought I’d like a woman who constantly wanted to touch me. Tara is proving me wrong about that. Unless it’s just her touch I crave. I don’t give a fuck where we are, if my woman wants to touch me, she can. My body is hers and she can do as she pleases with it.
Sliding out from under Tara, I go to the closet and pack a bag with no more than two outfits. I don’t see myself being gone for more than a day, but I want to make sure I’m prepared just in case something happens. I want my brothers here at the house with Tara, but maybe I can have Glock make the trip home with me. He knows what happened and how torn up I’ve been about it. My dad is the only other one who knows about this situation now. Tara is only the fifth person I’ve opened up about it to. I’d rather my dad stay here where he can watch over my girl, but I don’t necessarily want to take this ride alone.
Pulling out my phone, I call my dad. After explaining the situation to him, he agrees to bring Mom up to the house and that they’ll stay here while I’m gone. I then call Glock. He doesn’t hesitate to agree to ride home with me. We’ll go up late tonight and I’ll spend a portion of the day tomorrow at the cemetery. Tomorrow in the late afternoon, we’ll head back here so I can get back to my girl. Melody will stay here with everyone. The last person I contact is Venom. While he doesn’t know why I need to go home, he knows this is something I do every year. After telling me to be careful, I hang up with him and finish getting ready to go. Glock and I will leave after Tara goes to sleep tonight so it’s less time she has to think of me being away from her.
Me: I’m heading home until late tomorrow. I missed the anniversary and Tara wants me to go. Make sure you both keep an eye on her and don’t let that bitch in the basement die. I’ll work with him again once I’m home.
Setting my phone down, I zip up my bag after putting in two pairs of jeans, a hoodie, some shirts, socks, and my gun. I’ve got ammo already on my bike so I don’t need to take any of that with me. The last thing I’ll pack is my charger for my phone. I want Tara to be able to contact me anytime she needs.
